Kenkoy

You went to Glorietta and bought some blouses.
It is safe now, you said.
Tell that to Carlo Cruz and several others.

You went on to condemn extrajudicial killings.
You will not tolerate them, you said.
Tell that to Evangeline Hernandez and hundreds of others.

You pardoned Joseph Estrada.
He is beyond 70 and you forgive him, you said.
Tell that to me and the million others.

You sure cracked some good jokes these days.
Only people aint laughing.

Carlo Cruz's wife, Leslie, died in the October 19 2007 Glorietta Explosion.

Evangeline's daughter Beng Hernandez was shot at close-range allegedly by the military in April 2001. Beng was a very good friend of mine.

feeling so bading this morning

I never go senti with daddy.

When my brothers told him I was gay, he just uttered:

"Okay lang, matalino at responsable naman."

And so I let my hair down. Without qualms. Without queries. Without worries.

Let's all be gay this Oktoberfest!

Moulin Rouge
Why Cristina is goddang way over, sorry Ruff, Britney.

Fire
I can so relate with Michael.

Zazie
This is extremely sexy and deliciously funny.

George Michael
For the clothes don't make the man.

Growing on concrete

With Anderson Cooper's image in mind while sighting the Italian crossing Jordan, I chanced upon this plant growing on the concrete walls of a compound where my office is situated.

And true, it was actually growing on that age-old concrete. I don't know how old it was but it has apparently taken roots.

The branches are full and the leaves are all green despite the harsh winds of autumn blowing its way. The deadly smoke of development doesn't seem to have any effect.

I saw old Winfield butts nestled quietly in between the wild brown roots twirling into the wall's crevices.

And I remember my soon-to-be-80-years-old Tatay when he used to grow aloe, orchids and other wild plants he got from gamehunting in Quezon. In the heart of Tondo, right at the corner of Yakal and Quiricada, he would place them flowers, cut branches and all along windows where the sun was shining brightly in the morning and bus smoke would fumigate the whole second floor.

He said smoke is good for these plants. It is small-scale kaingin, he told me. For the plants to grow and flourish beautifully, one has to do some slash and burn.

I wondered why although up until now I never bothered finding out the answers. I just accepted his theory as simply as I welcomed his placing used Philip menthol butts side by side crushed egg shells inside the pots.

Some weeks ago, I dreamed of my brother urging me to visit Tatay in Brampton. He said jokingly, "Pumunta ka na dito habang may hininga ang matanda." We both laughed.

I woke up with a smile formed around my lips and a tear about to fall from my right eye.

My estrangement with my father during my teen years made concrete out of me. But his strange ways of showing love were something that got me growing flowers somewhere.

My last puff goes out to the man who would outlive any cactus.

Turok, Trip and Other Tsuvas

Turok

Kung makikita nyo akong iika-ika sa paglalakad, wag nang magtanong. Naturukan ako kaninang umaga.

Muli, me pumasok na namang puting likido sa pwet ko. Pero hindi ito ang likidong marami sa atin ang meron pero inaasam pa rin. Ito ang likido ng penicillin.

For the third and last of the treatment session, umupo na naman ako sa monobloc habang lantad sa dalawang nars in a truly bad hair day ang aking very nice behind.

They did it quite fast, wala pang fifteen minutes. Pero naman day, parang laging first time. Masakit sya talaga. Pag umaaray ako, tumitigas pala ang aking butt muscles at nahihirapang pumasok si white liquid. At dahil doon, si right cheek in pain. Pero ke left cheek, after akong mapagsabihang magrelax, hindi gaano.

Haaay, parang pagtaba pala ang STI. A moment in corporeal ecstasy may mean a lifetime of pain. 'Nyemas!

Trip

Tuloy na tuloy na ako bukas.

Nga lamang, 8 days lang sya. At six days don, busy mode. Fact-finding mission kasi at kailangan na namang harapin at alamin ano na nga ba ang kaganapan sa extrajudicial killings, enforced disappearances at iba pang human rights violations sa atin. Sad and mad ako sa dami nito kahit pa wala pa namang badidang na natsutsugi.

Muli, haharapin na naman namin sina Devanadera, Quisumbing, Gonzales at iba pang tsaka-tsakang head of posts. Excited ako syempre kay Chief Justice Puno: met the man here and am looking forward to meeting him again.

Sana makita ko rin kayo, whoever you are. Email me. We need to make contact.

E.T., ilabas mo na ang naglalagablab mong daliri. Phone home na tayo. Dali!!!

Other Tsuvas

Maganda pala ang Jumong. Pinapanood ko sya ngayon.

sABBAdo

Paglalakad ng walang patutunguhan at modang Luneta ang isa sa mga luhong lubos na kinagigiliwang gawin ni Abba.

Walk dito. Walk doon. Kapag me pagkakataon. Katulad ng pagbabalik ng libro sa library, pagbisita sa post office para magspeed post o tumingin-tingin ng mga bagong stamps, walk through sa Queen Elizabeth at sumayla ng mga poging duktor, pasyente o bisita.

Walking aimlessly ang moda ng bakla. At ngayong Sabado, yun ang ginawa nya. Bitbit ang Nokia 5300, nagmodang Kate Moss ang baklang nagwariwar sa kahabaan ng Nathan Road mula Jordan hanggang Tsim Sha Tsui.

Ito ang nakita nya:

Kahit pinagkamalang isang isla ang Nepal, hindi geographical idiot si Abba. Nagtatawag bigla ang bakla. Nagsend pa ng MMS. Saan daw sa U.S. makikita ang state na ito:Natahimik din ang Abba at walkaroo na lang daw sya sa konkretong mundo ng Kowloon Park. Sight ng papa. Touch ng leaves. Glance sa may blue skies. Bite ng Magic crackers. Aaaay, dirty ang hands ng bakla. Enter the dragon sa isang facility at may I use sana ng hand sanitizer. Napaapak papalayo ang Abba. Natigilan sya sa kanyang nabasa.Dahil hindi enough ang Magic crackers, go sya sa McDo. Type nyang magfrench fries. Pero hindi nya type ang franchise sa loob ng park kahit pa malapit sa pool, sa tapat ng TST Police Station kahit pa maraming chinese chorizong ibinebenta. Gumowla sya ng Wanchai kasi sosi daw don. Feeling donya sya. Baket? Ito: Nagferry pabalik ng TST ang Abba. Sa may pier, pansin nya ang dami ng mga chekwa't chekwong nagpapapichur. Kuntodo lace, flowers and overflowing white si girl habang tux in either black or white ang man. Ay, andaming nagpapakasal! Nainggit sya at agad-agad fumlay sa Marriage Registry na nasa loob ng HK Cultural Center. Umuwing hapo ang bakla. Pero happy. Bago man sya fumlay sa Maynila para sa kanyang yearly bakasyon kuno, nakita nyang muli ang bahagi ng Hong Kong na nagpapaligaya sa kanya.

Naging Sila: What About Me?

Napamulagat ako nang aking mapansin ang isang letter sa aking gandangmail. Naghuhumiyaw: "TULUNGAN MO AKO, ATE!" Ito ang laman. Read!

Dear Abba,

Haller!

Chinallenge ko ang aking sad self na sulatan ka. Dahil me similarities tayong dalawa, feel kong maiintindihan mo ako at baka matulungan pa sa aking dilemma.

I am nursing a broken heart right now and I don't know if I can get over it... It hurts, Ate! ZEBRA! Feel ko ngayong maging isang Whitney Houston during her hay day at sumosongla ng "Why Does It Hurt So Bad?" Aaargh!

Isa akong university student. I fell in love with a fellow student activist na lagi kong nakikita sa mga rallies at mga room-to-room. Dahil maliit ang campus kasama ng mundong aming ginagalawan, nagkaniig kami and decided to get into a relationship.

Feel ko non, ang ganda ganda ko. Humaba ang hair ko at inappreciate ang bawat pagbyahe sa paligid ng campus, mga rallies at kung saan-saan pa, basta't kasama ko sya. We were so in love, Ate, I tell you. We could barely take our eyes off each other.

Siste nga lang, maraming preconditions. Pareho kaming hindi out sa families namin at maging sa mga kapwa orgmates namin. For that, hidden ang relationship namin.

I was prodding him to join me in coming out kasi I thought this may help liberate us both in some ways if we did. Pero ayaw pa nya. Hindi pa raw sya prepared. So I let him.

Our relationship only lasted a few months. Maraming disagreements. Maraming many things in uncommon, if you can call it that. Civil na lang kami sa isa't isa pag nagkikita sa school.

Dumating si Ding, ang aking second love. Gay din sya (obviously!), aktibista (hmm, good.) at out (better!) Around this time, nag-out na akez sa aking sisteraka at knows na rin ng buong kapipolan ang aking outlook and beauty.

We went on for days, for weeks, for months. Keri naman kami sa isa't isa kaya lang short-lived ang relationship. Bago ako umalis for a leadership training sa Davao, we decided to call it quits.

Ito na, Ate. Ang nakakaloka, when I returned to Manila, nalaman kong sila na - si Ding at ang aking first love! Ugh, Ate, I was so hurt and I am hurt still. Dahil nga maliit lang ang mundong aming ginagalawan at mas maliit pa ang kampus na pinanggalingan naming tatlo, lagi ko silang nakikita at naloloka ako sa bawat araw na nasasayla (nakikita) sila.

I don't know what to do, Ate. Si Ding ang hingahan ko ng aking frustrations with Dad, my first love. And then this is what they did to me? What am I going to do? Sa akin ba ang mali kung kaya't di nagwork out ang relasyon namin and they decided to do it together? I don't think I can ever go on. We are in the same campus, in the same organization, in the same tambayan, eating the same fish balls, eklavou ek ek ek.

WHAT WILL I DO, ATE?!! Help me! Iniisip ko kung pinag-uusapan nila ako kung magkasama sila. I can't afford to look at them pag nandyan sila. Feel ko, tinitignan din nila ako. At pinag-uusapan.

Crayola kumeini ako habang sinusulat ito. Tell me what to do.

Napopoot tayo pagkat tayo'y nagmamahal,

Marooned

Ito ang sagot ko:

Marooned,

Kung aabot lang ang palad ko palabas ng monitor na kaharap mo ngayon, nasampal na kita.

GUMISING KA, MAROOJA!

(Sampal no. 1) tama bang magpakaparanoid ka sa kung ano ang iniisip nilang dalawa? They are too self-absorbed, too crazy to discover to see, feel and taste each other's hidden crevices to even think about you. And even if they do, anong care mo? Bakit ka magpapaapekto?

You may have been a part of their loves and lives. And vice versa. But Marooned, it is all in the past. Unless gusto mong mag-Elle Woods: If a gay like you can't win back his man, then there is no hope for the rest of us. You go and you fight for him!

Pero bakla (Sampal no. 2), wala ka sa musical. Life was not created with a built-in script and orchestra playing at the background. You are not at the center of everyone's attention. Go down from that stage and move on.

Mahirap talaga pag nasa iisang kampus lang kayo, much more sa iisang tambayan. Unlike the eclipse, expect bumping into each other's crotches very often. Green with envy at those looks of love and lust, hurt at the sight of those senyoritas bulging in their pants, go be a masochist if you have to.

That is if you want to be a masochist. But if finally, you decide not to anymore, find ways. You can look at this very objectively, like astral projection kuno, where you're looking at yourself and them from the outside.

They moved on. Let them. And move on yourself. If you don't want to get hurt, take other tasks, go to another department, mingle with other aktibistas (I'm sure hindi lang kayong 3 sa school, right?) and take conscious steps to avoid them while you're still hurting. Talk to friends, I think they will understand and possibly even help you find ways to cope.

Eventually, you will be okay and you will see yourself talking to them once again. Don't lose yourself in this devastation. They are not devastated so why should you?

But don't sow bad seeds. Iilan na nga lang ang baklang aktibista, baka aawayin mo pa. We got principles, Marooned. Live them as we preach them.

Pag di ka umayos, makakatatlo ka sa akin.

Reyna ng Barya

Ano ang panama nina Miriam, Dayanara at Irene sa kanila? Hmph, BLAG!

Kahapon, October 7, apat na babae ang sumali sa pinakamagara at pinakamay-saysay na beauty pageant na dinaluhan at pinag-emceehan ko -- ang BARYA QUEEN 2007.

Konsepto ng Janiuaynon Association of Hong Kong, minoda ang Barya Queen 2007 bilang isang fund-raising event para makatulong sa isang shelter na tumutulong sa mga DH (domestic helpers) na nate-terminate ang contract, inaabuso ng mga employers, mga run-aways at iba pang biktima ng exploitation.

Thinking nga ng mga lola, gagawa ka na rin lang ng event, pagandahin mo na. Magpakagwapa!

Kaya ang apat na beauties, for the past 4 weeks, umikot sa buong Central, kuntodo bihis at me bitbit na box (in various forms and brought in the most inconspicuous way*) para makipagtsikahan sa mga kapwa nila DH (true, mga domestic helpers silang lahat!) at humingi ng mga barya para sa naturang fund-raising event.

Deadma sa init ng araw, with muk-ap and all, rumampa ang mga lola, nakipag-ututang dila at iprinopaganda ang naturang aktibidad. 4 dat, tagumpay ang fund-raising.

Seyla nga ng bakla, ito ang genuine and effective PROPA-GANDA!

Fun-tastic! Masaya!

The whole thing was done all for fun. Susmio, punung-puno ang hall ng mga utaw. Standing ovation, hindi lang SRO, sa buong panahon - from start to finish. Clap ever silang lahat!

Kahit ayaw ko kay Willie V, kasama ako sa mga wiling-wiling nanood sa kanilang opening number to the tune of Boom Tarat-tarat.

Pagdating sa talent portion, me nag-Tanging Ina at dalawang nag-Butsikik. Ang pinakawinner ay ang rendition ni Tess, 35 anyos, sa "I Will Survive". Entrada si lola in a mala-dominatrix suit and then biglang nagsuot ng apron at minoda ang kanta with washing, cleaning, mopping, cooking, ironing dance moves. Hahahaha, nakakatuwang sobra, hindi ako makaalis kahit ihing-ihi na ako.

Sa question and answer portion, pinakabongga ang sagot ni Hernely, 43 anyos. Ang sagot nya: "Kung ako ang papipiliin ng gusto kong maging presidente ng Pilipinas ngayon, ang kukunin ko ay si Ferdinand Marcos." (Complete silence sa hall. Kita sa fez ng audience ang iritasyon, ang kaimbyernahan, ang pagkagitla. And then moda ang Hernely ng) "Kasi wala na syang pagkakataong maging presidente no? Kasi tsugi na sya. Kasi wala naman sa kanila ang naging mabuting presidente para sa aming mga OFWs. Hmph! (O taray devah?)

Si Rose, 47 years old, ang pinakabunggang model. Kahit 5 foot tall lang, me impact ang lola habang minomodelo ang kanyang black gown. Tawa na lang ang lola nang nagkumento akong, "Ate, alam ba ng employer mong ginetlak at tinahi mo ang kurtina nila?"

Crowd favorite si Wilma, 57 years old. Ang lola, game na game sa pagrampa, sa pagsayaw ng Butsikik at sumagot ng pagkasmart ever. Witty ang Wilma: "The reason why I look and feel young? Sumasayaw ako palagi sa ibabaw ng employer ko habang tulog sya. I mean, sa second floor!" (Ilongga ang lola! Ilongga silang lahat!)

Syemps, dahil apat lang sila, alam mo nang me 3rd, 2nd at 1st runners up.

At ang tinaguriang Barya Queen, dahil na rin sa nalikom na baryang umabot ng lagpas 4,000 HK$, si Hernely!

Gandang me Moda
Walang talo sa contest na ito. Lahat sila panalo.

Knows ng bawat isa sa kanila bakit nila ito ginawa. Sa pagtulong nga naman kasi, walang maliit o malaki. Sa totoo lang, in all total fairness, ang mga purita pa ang pinakagenerous, mas generous pa sa mga shala sa Midlevels o ang mga professionals na mga noypis ditrez.

Moda nga nila, no matter how cliche, walang piso kung walang barya. Walang lakas kung hindi nagsasama-sama. Anung saysay ng ganda kung ikaw lang mag-isa.

Lahat sila gwapa. Lahat sila winner.

Lahat sila Barya Queens!


*Bawal ang panghihingi ng datung in public lalo na't walang permit.

Tonight I decided to close my eyes

when all the world seemed a little blurry:
too fast-running for me to see
I could barely catch my breath.

Tonight I decided to breathe a little slower

taking in all with a pace that is my own:
the lights are too bright
I almost lost my footing.

Tonight I decided to walk like the breeze

sure but free-willing, sweet yet resounding
cool yet not biting, determined.

Tonight I decided to live

Life is too short to live in concrete.

Laying out

I prepared myself for today.

I went to Kowloon Park for a two-hour brisk walk this morning for greater physical strength and endurance. I brought apples, two big bottles of water and juice plus a can of Mountain Dew, a bagful of peanuts, sweetbreads, apples and grapes, and a handful of orange chocolates I stole from the communal refrigerator.

I downloaded Tiesto (thanks to Maruja) and added Feist, Beyonce and a dash of Grey's Anatomy and Legally Blonde musical songs for complete music ambience. While downloading, I checked websites and blogsites for a galaxial amount of great aesthetical inspiration.

I needed all these for what seemed to be the greatest Herculian challenge of the day - laying out a 52-page souvenir program for a big migrants' alliance in Hong Kong who would be needing it tonight.

At 9:30AM, I started the battle. And at 10:30PM tonight, with what seemed to be an almost fried brain, athritis-stricken fingers and a bad ass, I finished the job.

Laying Out

It took me half a day yesterday to get together my thoughts, squeezing whatever creative juices left in my skull, scanning my past work JUST to put the character in the souvenir program.

Laying out a newsletter, a campaign poster or a 100-page report would have been a lot easier than designing a souvenir program. While they say that the souvenir program is the easiest to do, I have subconsciously developed an aversion towards it for the simple reason it had logos of business establishments who have provenly and annoyingly demanded a nicely laid out page all to themselves (even if it were only an fourth or an eighth of a page!)

But I shrugged the disgust off myself. I feather-dustered myself of any negativity and just focused on the organization.

Who are they? What do they do? What are they made of? How relevant are they to the migrants' community, to their families? What makes them special that I have to spend my whole day's energy for a booklet of no significance to me?

And I realized it is significant. Not only to me, but to the organization and the community.

Knowing

In my four years of stay in Hong Kong, I have known the alliance inside and out, been to their weekly lunches along the Seaside in Central, enjoying the sun in the beaches on scheduled day-outs, attending religiously their sportsfests, cultural shows and other programs wherever they may be, eating their gorgeous buffet of pinapaitan, dinuguan, Filipino-style spaghetti, lechon kawali and kare-kare, doing cultural performances with them and basically getting the hang of their company.

They are a big group of domestic workers in Hong Kong. And except for those times when I am out of the territory, my Sundays are just filled with denizens of them.

I did this by choice though even if I know I would be surrounded by women all the time. And even with the unfortunate moment of insanity among some of them falling for me (because men are just so scarce in the territory!)

I got to know them and I realized just how important they are - to me, to the community, to the very country I left four years ago and afraid would not be able to go back to.

I realized just how much they are suffering on a daily basis, enduring the commands and oftentimes the abuse, verbal or physical, of their employers. Just think loneliness, homesickness and everything that one experiences inside a prison cell except that the prison cell they are not in is not just in the nearby barangay.

It turned out that they suffer more than I do. I can attend international meetings, they can't. I get to eat in fancy restaurants, they also do except more rarely than I do. I can go home to friends every night, they don't. Basta, many things.

More than that however, I have seen how they have learned to stand on their own feet, started organizing themselves and discussing issues that affect them and their families. I have seen how they would endure rain and sun for demands they find legitimate and worth-fighting for.

They inspired me. Poor but very dignified people. Small but never voiceless. They knew that there is strength in numbers.

Thinking about it

With that in mind, I knew right away how to put the character in the souvenir program. As it turned out too, it was their members and other migrants who actually made the hugest contribution to the activity that they will hold this Sunday.

Once again, I shook off peti-bourgeois angsts off my sleeves and went to work. And finish it I did.

In the middle of it, it dawned on me that putting a character in any publication that I put my creative energies on would be easy. I just have to know who they are and what they do. I have to be there and feel like I am one of them. I have done that before and am still doing it so it was not really difficult.

With that came my thoughts on this blog's general look that I have knacking my brains out on days on end for answers.

The answer came easy. Simple.

Like these migrants' dreams - put food on their family's tables, give them a decent life, provide a glimpse and even a path towards a better future.

And as I do not, and will not, completely take out the government's responsibility for causing them these problems, I recognized too that other dream - for them to be back home (we all have no idea when though) and enjoy that food, that life and that future with their loved ones.

It's not how one looks that is important. It is what s/he is. And what s/he does.

(The blog's look can be settled next time.)

Bloggers Unite: Democracy in Burma Now!

W8Cheung

Tempo kumanechi lang ang blog look na iterlz until I get it right.

Wiz tulad ni Alma M, na-afraid ang watashi (borrowing the word of the empress) na nallorca ang mga utraz sa black look with matching red silimanjaree. For dat, experimentation muna akez sa photoshop for more headers hanggang mafell ko na talagang yun na zya.
Sa ngayon, ito na muna. For the mean time, ilan munang balita:

JACKIE CHEUNG, BANNED. Binan ng philippine government ang nakaduet ni chona velasquez some years ago after malaman at a very late time na naka-21 filipino domestic helpers ang hayup in just a period of 3 years. This they did after ang Tsaka Cheung ay nagtagumpay sa pagpapakulong kay preslyn catacutan na ninakaw daw umanez ang kanyang mga chakang pictures and some letters. HMPH, buti nga sa kanya!

BUKAS ANG INTERNATIONAL BLOGGERS' ACTION FOR BURMA. October 4 ang itinakdang araw ng mga bloggers everywhere para sa kanilang expression of solidarity with the Burmese people. Simple lang ang gagawin mo:

International bloggers are preparing an action to support the peaceful revolution in Burma. We want to set a sign for freedom and show our sympathy for these people who are fighting their cruel regime without weapons. These Bloggers are planning to refrain from posting to their blogs on October 4 and just put up one Banner then, underlined with the words "Free Burma!".

1. Publish a posting (Bulletin Board, Forum, Blog, Social Network, Static Website…) on the 4th of October with the header: "Free Burma!"

2. Tag it if you can with "Free Burma"

3. Choose a graphic from our Graphics page and

4. Link to www.free-burma.org there your readers will find some informations about the campaign and Burma and a participant list which you can join. Even if you're a webmaster of a bulletin board or social network you will find a special Group List to join.

5. Feel free to write any additional text you want

If you have no website or blog we need you even more: Please help us to spread the word across the internet, tell your neighbours, friends or kids and first of all: Sign our list of participants!

Nagetchung mo na te? And with that, a reminder why the people's voice does and should remain and reign supreme over the terrorism that this state mercilessly sponsors and brazenly wields.

Blogs, Blocks and Boldness

Tatlong bagay lang talaga at maraming nagaganap sa mundong ibabaw:

UNA - Na-ban sa isang bansa ang isa sa mga blog na pinapatakbo ko. The government, through a court decision, suspended access to the blog whose only purpose was to inform youth and peoples the world over about social, cultural and political issues and events.

Ano ba? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko? Kasalanan ba ang magsabi ng katotohanan? Ng mga nagaganap sa mundong ating ginagalawan? Ang hindi na lang manyismis and all?

Natawa na lang din ako after. Ay, popular pala ang blog namin. Hahahaha, affected ang government. Waz type ang pinagsusulat ko.

Iisip na lang ako ng paraan para ma-access nila ang blog na iyon. What is the best alternative?

Hmmmn...

IKALAWA - Hindi ko alam kung naloka na lang bang bigla ang mga tao sa bagong look at header ng aking blog at wiz na silang nagcomment. O inakala nilang me bago na itong author at dinedma na ng tuluyan akez.

Is it too dark? Too black? Too foreboding? Hoy, fellow bloggerlahs, zhumment na!

IKATLO - Me mode ang mga bloggers of the world unite ng internationally-coordinated action para sa demokrasya't kapayapaan sa Burma ngayong Thursday. Pag nagets ko ang info, ipapaalam ko sa inyo.

Sana maraming jumoin!

------

Yun na. Tama na ang yawyaw. Back to work naz!