Ang Tindig ni A.bba sa mga Nagsitindigan sa Makati

Tensyon. Stand-off. Coup attempt. Chova.

Totoo, tama ang panawagan nila. Dapat na talagang patalsikin ang derlang tsunana sa Malakanyang. It is high time that this anti-woman woman in the once-stormed palace situated at the far end of Mendiola steps down and relinquish the title she grabbed from whomever was righteous to be there.

A for Account

So Trillanes and his Magdalo men walked out of their hearing, marched with a few more personalities into the streets of Makati and launched a press conference as soon as they landed in Manila Peninsula. At ito nga ang ipinanawagan nila.

The Armed Forces of the Philippines bammed their way into the main foyer of the hotel a few minutes after 3PM, the military-imposed deadline for the Magdalo men to surrender. As soon as the whole front door collapsed and crumbled, they started giving away loads of tear gas, like it were candy thrown at sweet-toothed kids during a birthday party.

After what seemed like hours, nagconcede na rin si Papa T and the tension wore off, the stand-off peacefully concluded. What happened after then is definitely for the books: arrests, curfews and a bad-smelling mouthspray of government propaganda.

B for Below Par

Nalungkot ang A.bba. At nanghinayang. Bakit di planned? Bakit di coordinated? In the general scheme of things, this could have worked kung involved pa ang ibang organizations, individuals, movements, sectors, etal.

Parang sila-sila lang ang pumunta don and wham, aasahan na nilang bumuhos ang mga taong imbyerna na kay Gloriang magwalk and sashay into the streets of Makati? Weird moment talaga yung sinabi ng isang mama na may mahigit 10 milyong bumoto kay Trillanes? And for that, me susuporta na sa kanila. Crash Test Dummies, go: mmm, mmm, mmm.

And an addition: a military coup apparently isn't really popular. See Burma. Check. See Pakistan. Check. Need I say more?

Parang kulang sa planning (sino, or rather, ano ang alternative?) Parang naubusan ng ideas ang events organizers (ano pa ba ang pwedeng gawin? paano ang build-up?) Parang walang sustaining power ang possibly explosive and impactive stand-off na ito (Asan na ang ibang opposition?)

At parang mali talagang may nagwig sa Magdalo soldiers. (sorry, no picture. nakita ko lang sa CNN.)

B for Bad Trip

Bad trip talaga si government. After yesterday's most aggressive government response through military action since 1989, nagset pa ng unconstitutional curfew at blanket arrest sa mga media practitioners.

Hours prior to the "peaceful conclusion", marami nasweeping statements na inilabas, with the two Gonzales cretwins' infamous line, "It is a Left-Right conspiracy."

Anong moda? Halloween party? Manakot? Noli de Castro did well in emceeing MGB's Halloween Special. Hanggang dun na lang sana sya. Gloria herself is horrendous-looking enough. But this climate of fear they're trying to build? Excuse me.

Ating gayahin si Alma Moreno: Me, I'm not afraid*.

A for Alas!

In the end, matetegras din ang evil regime na ito, very much like the last words of Trillanes after nyang iexpress ang pagkadismaya sa obvious na kawalan ng mass support. At syempre, tuloy pa rin ang rally ngayon kahit pa mas ravenous ang repression. Well, LALO na't mas repressive sila ngayon.

Whatever Trillanes did yesterday is a manifestation of people's disgust in not-so-glorious Gloria. While I am never really in it for a military takeover, the Armed Forces' dissatisfaction, and even their full expression of it, is more than welcome. As long as they let the people do the leading, and not them.

At mas lalakas pa ang panawagang Ouch, Ouch GMA! (sigaw ng isang OFW.) Okay, Oust Oust GMA!

Nang maganap na ang one-liner ng pamosong "Maaabuuuhaaay aaang Piiiliiipiiinooo!" si VP Guingona:

This is the new EDSA!


*Sa isang episode ng Sharon, nag-iimbita si Gary Valenciano sa mga viewers na tangkilikin ang kanyang concert. Sey ng Sharon, I'm afraid I cannot go see you, Gary. Sey ng Alma, na guest din, Me, I'm not afraid.

Meet the ZeroHeroes

Tinagurian ko silang paborito ng buwan. So Silverhawks. So Voltes V. So Bioman. Sans the vaginas.

Kahit maraming questions and answers sa isip ko, inisip ko na lang muna yon at di in-entertain para naman di masira ang mood ng pagpapakilala. Kahit pa wit si Neil Gaiman ang gumawa sa kanila, o kahit si Joe Madureira man lang, inappreciate ko na rin ang effect nila. Lalo na't wang english names ang mga bakla! Puro chenes (chinese) ang namesung ng mga bayuut.

O syasya, leche. Tama na ang unnecessary rants. Laddies and Gentlemen, the....

ZEROHEROES!!!

Ito ang pinakabagong gimik para sa HIV/AIDS awareness sa Hong Kong. Togetherness ang Department of Health, Centre for Health Protection at ang Red Ribbon Centre sa modang pagpapalaganap ng libreng HIV testing. Kahit tsekwa, makikita pa ang ibang gimik nila sa www.21171069.com.

TOP ang pangalan ni kuya. Sa number pa lang na nakalagay sa sinturon, knows mo nang on top of everything and everyone si papa. At kung magta-top nga naman daw sya, laging me condom syang dala. I bet, wiz ng underwear ang suot ni kuya. Condom na lang palagi. Kung magiging Pinoy actor ito, pipiliin ko si Jestoni Alarcon during his prime. Heartless and rough. Okay lang, Megan?

Ito naman si VERSATILE (duh?!!) Double adhesive. A giver and receiver. Dalawa ang surnames: Ee and Er. (Ang di makagets, good luck!) Mas bongga ang acheng ke Top kasi kaya nyang gawin ang wit magagawa ng huli - have the best of both worlds. But for that, he has the bigger responsibility.

INTERNET daw itech. Online pakangkang kasi ang mga dingga-ers ditetz sa Hang Kang. May gayhk at kung anik anik na mga sites for more friendship kuning-kuning and SEB. For dat, kwidaw powers ang ginigibsung ni Internet. Be watchful of whom you see daw.
Sya si CONDOM MAN. Oo na...

At ito si RED RIBBON MAN. Panadero by day, Superhero by night. Lecheng exactong translation yan!

Ang pinaka-impressive at ang tyak na bayot sa kanilang lahat - si ZERO. Pink ang color ng costume ni ate. Me hanky pang nakacherva sa leeg. Anong masesey mech? Bayot na bayot. LOOOVE!

Now, they are up against two evil characters: Substance Abuse and HIV. Wiz ko magets pa rin kung bakit bad si HIV. Parang malay ba nya eh passed on lang ang baklang virus. Mas si Substance Abuse pa, kasi bad talaga sya devah?

Ngayon ang kwestyon ketch:
1. Bakit lahat sila muscle maries? Where are the twinks, chubs and oldies? Yung mga ladyboys ba? Where?
2. Bakit lahat sila mukhang Caucasians? Okay fine, they all look like Asian-Americans pero wiz ko pa rin magets.
3. Bakit walang heterosexual? Parang mga bayot lang ang nagkaka-HIV.
4. Yun lang.

Lastly. To protect and be protected. Yan tyak ang motto nila.

Save the Life of Marilou Ranario!

Tonight, the Kuwaiti Court of Cassation upheld the death sentence.

Tonight, I add my voice to the millions of Filipinos who call for her pardon.

Tonight starts the international campaign to the Kuwaiti government for the full absolution of Marilou Ranario.

The Twelve Months

(Drums roll! Tears!)

I had the privilege of being tagged by the one and only Empress Maruja. Now, I have the maragol task of fulfilling it (wipes armpit sweat.)

Dahil ang moda daw ay ganito (see below) kaya't syang gagawin ko:

What to do:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

So in which month was I born? OCTOBER. At ito daw ang aking traits:

Loves to chat. Pinalafang daw ako ni madear ng puke ng baboy that's why.
Loves those who loves them. Who wouldn't?
Loves to take things at the center. Hindi kasi ako promdi. Er, duh...
Inner and physical beauty. Mas inner than physical. Hahaha. Leche.
Lies but doesn’t pretend. Nagco-confess naman ako dati.
Gets angry often. Mahirap makontrol. I swear.
Treats friends importantly. Sa tingin ko naman.
Always making friends. Walang standards, walang criteria.
Easily hurt but recovers easily. Pagkapunas ng luha, work fatale na kaagad.
Daydreamer. Kaya sa gabi natatapos ang trabaho.
Opinionated. Pinag-aaralan ko ngayon yan.
Does not care of what others think. I do. Honestly, I do.
Emotional. I try not to be too...
Decisive. I try to be...
Strong clairvoyance. Pakitagalog.
Loves to travel, the arts and literature. TUMPAK!
Touchy and easily jealous. MAS TUMPAK!
Concerned. PINAKATUMPAK! Hindi ako pakialamera, concerned lang.
Loves outdoors. Kiko ang itawag mo sa akin.
Just and fair. And brought it to the Shaider level.
Spendthrift. Ang weakness ni Shaider.
Easily influenced. Refer back to opinionated and decisive...
Easily loses confidence. Wiz!
Loves children. Hwag lang aabot ng 3 years old.

I am tagging Bananas, Kei, Misiz J, Ruff, Chase, Chris Cafuir, Coldman, Goddess, KC (aka Kalansay Collector), AJ, Pat and Megan to do this.

Now this, sigh, is the longest part of the post. Deep breast now, sabi nga ng aming swimming instructor sa YWCA.

The Twelve Months

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

sa isang gabing maaliwalas

nasubukan mo na bang basahin
ang mga salita ng propeta?
si khalil gibran.

siya ang nagsabing ang bawat kaluluwa
ay nangangailangan
ng lugar pahingahan.

gaya ng sinabi niya,
ang pahingahan ng aking kaluluwa
ay ang natatanging sulok ng aking isipan
kung saan kita nakilala.

(mula sa tula ng kaibigan ng isang kaibigan)

The Conundrum on the Condom

For this 10-day special (from now until December 1), I commit myself into writing quite profusely, religiously and wholeheartedly sans Leah Salonga's vile smile about HIV and any other issue related to it.

Living with HIV for three years now, I just felt like talking about it. Naah. Seriously, there is this gnawing feeling of wanting to tell blog readers that it is all right to talk about serious matters like HIV and AIDS, getting stupid and getting the virus (such an aversion towards the word "infection"), knowing you're positive and being positive about it.

And for anyone, that we should talk about it. Albeit not everyday. And not in a way we would kill ourselves after the conversation.

It is good to be aware. It is right to be always there.

**********************"Aanhin pa ang condom kung pareho kayong bottom?"
Hubs' Friend, possibly a bottom

The first sighting of a condom was in ancient Egypt, more than 3,000 years ago, where men would wear condom-like sheathes on their penises. Whether it was protection or for show, no one knows.

These days, it has become the smartest fashion to wear a condom during sex. Even the healthy, monogamous ones keep them close by the bed. Unfortunately, we have among us people who vehemently refuse the worthy companion:

1. the conservative religious who believe it is the creation of the devil (er, Trojan?)
2. some pro-life fundamentalists who think it is genocidal to put on one (so much for Nero.)
3. almost anyone who barebacks with everyone but never confessing to it (talk about sheer evil!)
4. a meager of the world's population who know both partners are physically healthy (no illegal drug use), raise fidelity to a pyramidal level, and possibly have not heard of condoms (meager? contestable!)

Due to complacency ("AIDS is curable."), apathy ("It will never happen to me.") and at some point ignorance ("Do condoms exist?"), several organizations and individuals have launched creative and ingenious projects to raise interest, awareness and involvement among the general public about condom usage, like making postcards, having parades, etc. These are some that struck me real nice and hard:

1. February 14 as National Condoms Awareness Day in the U.S. (although they have the stupidest and most revolting policy inhibiting PWH - people with HIV - from entering American soil. have they revoked that already?)
2. China had their condom fashion show last July 2007 (but activists are still jailed, pwh are still left untreated, people are still protesting)
3. STOP AIDS campaign of 2006 in The Netherlands (those bags are better than plastic!)
4. Zero Heroes of Hong Kong, the new band of Caucasian-looking cartoon superheroes promoting safe sex (my favorite!)

While I am happy to hear that the United Nations Population Fund reported 10.4 billion male condoms used in 2005, I could not really care less as I have heard something like this before: 2004 World Youth Festival in Barcelona proudly announcing that the more than 7,000 condoms used was their greatest achievement by far.

And yet, the number of people contracting HIV continues to rise.

My uncomfortable and hysterical marriage with the condom was finally resolved by the acceptance of the fact that it is not simply about wearing it. It is about being honest to myself and the one that I am having sex with. And going beyond being responsible. And possibly, being faithful? And definitely using a 0.00019 thick condom.

As for two bottoms not wearing condoms? Be reminded by my Kowloon Bay-based nurse who bit back at me when I told her I go for unprotected oral sex: Go eat herpes.

Still, I won't eat rubber.

Rye's Dyeta, Rey's Dyosa

Reading Rye's entry on one-week dieting, I begin to wonder how I can manage to do the same.

And I realized it doesn't take a lot of effort from me. As long as I take the effort.

I lose fats as fast as I can gain them. Two days of oil-free meals, water and one-hour brisk walking in Kowloon Park and I am trimmer than ever. Another week and I am slim, more slender and fresher. Kumokonti pa pimples ko.

Ang kaso, a friend's mom arrived - with pulutok, chicharong bulaklak, bibingka and loads of oleo. And she stayed at our place FOR A WEEK. Worst of all, no relation to mom's presence, I started smoking heavily. Wala pang exercise. Leche!

Kaya hayun, so much for a Tweety de Leon figure... Welcome Max Alvarado!

Big Guy Mike screamed at the sight of me (kahit sa webcam, obvious ang outbreak!) and strongly advised me to take heed.

And I did - less sugar on coffee, more fruits, no oil. And a wise alternative to cigs:

kerrots!

Ang Kaligayahang Dulot ni Epifania

Pangalan: Epifania Cruz
Alyas: Paning
Trabaho: Dakilang yaya't tagalaba
Kapangyarihan: Marami

Kung mayroong Irona is Richie Rich, meron ding ipinagmamalaki ang aking mga big brothers and sister - si Ate Paning.

Mula sa mga kwento nila, napagtanto kong may taglay na superpowers din itong si Ate Paning, anak ng dakilang tagapaglutong si Lola Meny (sumalangitnawa...)

Wasiwas ang magic palu-palo, kaya nyang maabutan sina Ate matapos pasukin at pahiran ng putik ng huli ang mga bagong sampay na kurtina't kobre-kama sa garahe. Kaya nyang mapatulog sina Kuya sa hapon sa pamamagitan lamang ng Vicks.

At ewan ko kung totoo, pero nagawa nyang mapaligaya sa tanging tubig at asukal lamang ang aking siblings kapag ayaw nila ang ulam. Kahit ako, dun din ako lumaki.

So bakit ko sya inaalala ngayon?

Dahil sa gitna ng mga nagaganap sa Pilipinas, sa Pakistan and the world, sya ang unang pumasok sa isip ko kagabi hanggang kaninang tanghali.

Dahil bukod sa mahusay syang maglaba, magluto, maglinis, magplantsa, mag-alaga ng mga batang sadyang nirebeolusyonisa ang salitang sutil, isa syang ganap na kompositor at versatile singer.

Bago pa sina Geneva, Sheryl at Alyssa Alano, nandyan na si Paning Cruz.

Dahil pinag-iisipan ko pa rin kung paano mailalagay sa MP3 ang kanyang mga singles, ito na muna ang isa sa kanyang mga greatest songs, si Papa Dolphy:

Papa Dolphy, I mean double knee
Papa Dolphy, I've been Moby Dick
But I'm made of my mind
Keep in my baby.

I'm gonna keep my baby, yeah, ah.

Have you heard: UP Naming Mahal latest version

One thing that has always made me proud of my alma mater, University of the Philippines, is the fact that we have a very illustrious and glorious past.

From the moment it started churning out critical journalists, nationalist politicians, revolutionaries and progressives (forget the pro-US pencionados, traditional politicians and high-nosed pangos) and the many ways it stood up for the name "Iskolar ng Bayan" (or People's Scholar), I saw myself not different from many others and am humbled by the many who have given their lives for their principles and the people.

U.P. Naming Mahal (U.P. Beloved) is a song I would enjoy singing, albeit not in a bar unless it is an alumni gathering.

And this one, this new unofficial version I heard made me think twice about giving the dream up (after the administration hiked the tuition from Php300 to P900 per unit and almost every alumni I know agreed! shaaaaame....) and got me up and about again on social relevance.

Chikoy Pura (The Jerks), Cookie Chua (formerly of Color It Red), Bayang Barrios (formerly of Joey Ayala at ang Bagong Lumad) and Noel Cabangon (formerly of Buklod) rendered this latest, very impressive version of U.P. Naming Mahal.

While I am trying hard to find out how to upload an MP3 file here, I posted the new lyrics.

Read through, even if you're not from U.P.

And be proud. Just be proud to be Filipino.

U.P. Naming Mahal (new version)

U.P. naming mahal
Pamantasan ng bayan
Tinig ng masa
Ang siyang lagi nang pakikinggan

Malayong lupain
Di kailangang marating
Dito maglilingkod sa bayan natin
Dito maglilingkod sa bayan natin

Silangang mapula
Sagisag magpakailanman
Ating ipaglaban
Laya ng diwa’t kaisipan

Humayo’t itanghal
Giting, tapang at dangal
Mabuhay ang lingkod ng taong bayan
Mabuhay ang lingkod ng taong bayan

Silangang mapula
Sagisag magpakailanman
Ating ipaglaban
Laya ng diwa’t kaisipan

Malayong lupain
Di kailangang marating
Dito maglilingkod sa bayan natin
Dito maglilingkod sa bayan natin

A.BBA's Ten Tumataginting na Travels (Part 1)

Whattawe to start my de with a keme.

Bilang tugon sa tag ni Misiz J, hinarap ni A.bba* ang ultimate challenge na alalahanin ang sampung pinakadimakakalimutang byahe sa kanyang talambuhay. So wala ng keme-keme, iistart na natin ang KEME!

1. PAGKAING PILIPINO. Ang tunay na pearl of the orient seas ang pinakamamahal na destinasyon ni A.bba. Simula nang maging tibak (aktibista), nakaikot sya sa iba't ibang sulok ng pulu-pulo, nakakilala ng mga makukulay at makukunat na ring personahe, at nakatikim ng pinakakakaibang putahe, mula stuffed palaka, ginataang paniki hanggang sampaguita ice cream.

Pero ang mga pinakasimpleng bagay ang pinakamamahal nya tulad ng pinakamasarap na: Coke? Isabela. Taho? BLTB Bus Terminal sa Naga. Okoy? Vigan. Pudding? Bayombong. Isaw? Cebu. Kinilaw? Davao. Mushrooms? Baguio. Campus-style spaghetti? Lahat ng school canteens!

2. DAVID & GOLIATH: A Love Story. Alberto ang pangalang di makakalimutan ni A.bba. Height ng aserehe dance craze kahit di pa umaabot sa Pinas.

Nagkalandian, nagsayawan, nagniig sa dance floor ng isang bar sa Malaga. For 4 consecutive nights, from 10PM to 3AM, walang kapaguran naggaganapan ang dalawa.

Me bayla para mi, mi amor pang nalalaman. Palibhasa magkaheight.

Hanggang dumating ang gahiganteng angkan. Ni Alberto. Tila me mga chismosang nagpaabot sa kanyang olive-growing clan at agad na binakuran ng mga Goliath si Papa. Forbidden love ba ang moda?

Buti na lang me friends, nagdevise ng plano ang sariling armada ni A.bba. Palibhasa puro kipay, pinaepek ang gyrating hips at lashing tongues habang pass-the-message-in-a-tissue ang moda ng ilang walang ganda.

Standing ang kalbong Rapunzel sa me gate ng hostel. Yakap-yakap ang sarili. Kinakabahan. Naghihintay.

Mula sa kawalan, hangos ang Alberto at sya'y hinablot patungo sa isa pang kawalan. Sa may ubasan. At doon sila'y...

3. PARIS, FRANCE. World Bank ang me pakana ng miting. Pinadalo ang higit 100 katao mula sa iba't ibang panig ng mundo. Ang pag-uusapan: children and youth strategy.

Kailangan daw pakinggan ang youth. Kailangan tayong seryosohin.

More than 50% of the participants eat rice. We were served finger food. All the time.

First two days: pinagmiting ang mga bata, pinag-brainstorm ng mga ideya, ng mga plano. Next two days: prinisent ang aming mga plano. Sabi ng World Bank: "ay, meron na kaming plano."

Letse!

4. ENGLISH Lessons, ASIAN Style. Kapag nasabak ka sa international, asahan mong mahahasa ang inggles mo. Like deez:

Thai (in very loud, high-pitched, almost stacatto mode): You go CR? I come you CR.
Iraqi (possibly the nationality of the Ents): Whaaaat (two second pause) diiiiid (two second pause) heeeee (two seconds...) saaay?
Nepali (modang Indonesian): Can I aks you? Can I aks you a question?

Lesson for the day: It's not how you say it, it is what you say that is important.

5. PUNO NG MIDDLE EARTH. Nakita ko ang isang punong pinagganapan sa Lord of the Rings. Napatigil ako. Halos mabitawan ko ang Timtam Vanilla Ice Cream na dinidilaan ko. Nangilid ang luha ko. Nagtatakbo ako.

Niyakap ko sya.

(HOY BAKLA, WALA NANG PANAHON! BILISAN MO!)

6. BEST BOOK SALE. Pinakamura ang libro (volumes and volumes) sa India. Pero kung di ka papalarin sa visa, second option ang Nepal.

7. PINAKAGUGUWAPONG PAPA. Kahit artistahin ang mga taga-Middle East, delayscious pa rin ang mga tagaNorwegian Air at AirFrance. Mashoshongkad lang ang mga taga-Holland. Allergic pa sa wheat.

8. GAY SAUNAS. Malaki at hi-tech ang Babylon sa Bangkok. Maliliit at inconspicuous naman sa Seoul. Wala sa Vietnam. Nire-raid naman sa Malaysia.

Pinakalove ko? Kaiserbrundl in Vienna, Austria. Parang isang buong building. Ang daming winner features: bars, a gym, tanning area, natatorium, glory holes, mini-cinemas, et cetera et cetera.

Me sessions for optimum sweat mode sa dry sauna rooms nila. Me libreng dinner tuwing Huwebes. Me gimik kada week.

What I love most about the place? Those walls painted with gorgeous Austrian men in leather, Grecian cloth and a wide variety of fantasies. As it turned out, totoong tao silang lahat. Paraiso kung paraiso.

Pero kung merong gay sauna sa Sri Lanka, hindi pa rin ako pupunta.

9. YOSI AREAS. Wala nang yosihan sa mga sumusunod na airports: Suvarnabhumi (Thailand), Colombo (Sri Lanka), Charles de Gaulle (France), at Valencia (Venezuela). Phine-phase out na rin sa loob ng marami pang paliparan.

Nagtinda pa sila ng yosi sa duty free!

10. SANTA CRUZ, MANILA. Bago naging tindahan ng mga piniratang CDs at 99-in-1 DVDs, namulat ako sa kanyang National Bookstore, Good Earth Shoe Building, Syvel's Department Store, Savory's Chicken, Delicious Noodles, Ramon Lee's kumida at Holland hopia.

Dito ko unang natikman ang sugar cane juice, natikman ang raspberry shake ng McDonald's at ang siopaw sa may Ma Mon Luk doon sa Quiapo Church.

Dito rin kami bumibili ng masarap na hamon para sa Pasko. Haaaay, nagmemory lane ba akez?



*Mahirap makasuhan ng Swedish superstars of the 70s. Kaya nagperiod na akez.

Eye Examination

If it is the monitor you make love to all day, maybe it is high time to take a breather and have an eye check up.

Try this for size.Here's how it goes:

first glance and you got it - you're doing well.
next two seconds and there it is - not bad...
five seconds... - have you been jerking off?
ten seconds and still... - go fuck a duck!

Abba's Apples

Crunch!

Hinang-hina ako ngayon. Lunes na lunes pa naman. Pakiramdam ko, kaya kong tumayo ng hindi gumagalaw buong maghapon, magdamag at maghihintay ng alas dyes para humiga sa kamang tinakluban ng kurtina at matulog.

Nakalabas ang dalawang malalaking aso mula sa bakuran pero hindi ko man lang makayanang mabitbit sila pabalik sa kanilang mga pagkapangit-pangit na kennels.

Kumain ako ng mansanas para lumakas pero ayaw pang maalis ng pagkahinang idinulot ng isang istik ng sigarilyong hinitit kanina papuntang Park n Shop.

Kailangan ko nang itigil ang paninigarilyong ito. Binili ko pa man din ang librong ipinagmamalaki ng aking pinakamamahal na si Fat Mike na syang naging inspirasyon nito para tumigil sa pagyoyosi.

Nasa third page pa lang ako, hinablot ko na ang libro ni Lauren Weisberger - The Devil Wears Prada.

Utang na loob, nagyoyosi rin ang Ahn-dre-ah.

Ngasab!

Michaelmas (pronounced mikelmas) Fair sa St. John's Cathedral nung Sabado.

Pagkarami-raming nagaganap: stalls ng mga Christmas decorations, facepainting at crazy hair designs para sa mga bata, secondhand anik-anik (clothes, computer bags, gamit sa bahay, sobra-sobrang gamit ng mga walang magawa sa buhay at PERA nila), nagkalat na mga Sound of Music teddy bears na tila di maubos-ubos kasi two years ago ko pa nakita ang mga osong ito. At milyones na libro.

Me mga high school bands na tumutugtog sa garden. Me mga nagtitinda ng cookies at iba pang mga baked goodies. Mabenta ang hotdogs (na gawa ata sa GMO oink-oinks, ang tigas kasi ng balat), hamburgers (na pagkanipis-nipis), at cumberlands (sausages na me herbs and spices sa loob). Nakatoka kami sa fresh fruit juice at Krispy Kreme donuts (10 dollars ang isa).

Around 800 years ago, pinayagan daw ni King John ang bayan ng St. Ives na maglunsad ng fair kada Michaelmas (day celebrating arcangels Michael, Raphael and the two other TMNT - ay artists pala sila). For that, lagi-lagi na lang.

At dahil British tradition ito, nagkalat ang mga prominent noses sa compound ng simbahan. Nagkalat din ang mga kalalakihan.

Pinasalamatan ko ang mga anghel sa langit. Pinababa nila ang ilan.

Hindi ko nakita ang pakpak. Pero namataan ko ang mga ibon.

Ngasab ulit!

Masayang kasama ang mga Indonesians.

Nasa opisina ako at me inaayos. Me kumatok.

Binuksan ko ang pinto at nakita ang isang babaeng Indonesian na me hawak na papel.

"I wanna fack."

"Ha?"

"Can you fack for me?"

"HA?"

"Pls. fack this for me," sabay turo sa papel.

Aaah, fax.

Greatest Gay Love of All

Play it, Diana: Baby love, oh baby love...


I look at Jennifer Lopez and anyone she is seeing and I barf. They dress so horrendously fug.

But I think of Sam and Piolo and I smile. Isn't it high time?

Gay love is not something to be ashamed about. Don't let it fester in darkness.

It should be bragged about, nay, SHARED WITH the world. Bask in daylight sun but not only in gay cruises or during pride marches. Okay, I may be leading you to the valley of death here but hey, I would love to love freely.

Like they did:

Bert and Ernie

They are the bestest friends who turned out to be lovers. I grew up watching them and how I dreamed every night of having the same sweet, snotty guy that Ernie has - someone real, not the stuffed one.

Sesame Street surely made 1980s a blast for gay hopefuls. And a reality bite check when Ernie died: love with the glove.

Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune

Michiro and Haruka are beautiful together. Anime showered us with lots of lesbian love and a few visually euphemized gay love. (Shmuck, I have to forget the hunk and the twink in that ubercool anime shown on Channel 7 every afternoon!!)

I just cannot imagine how they do it though: how the hell can they frolic with those long-legged legs?

Batman and Robin

Now this is cross-generational - something I like. Maritess confirmed this to me although I told her: Robin is ripe of age. They're now consenting adults.

They deserve to love.

****

Now, turn that TV off and stop waiting.


Baby love, oh baby love...