From Brampton with Lust, Love and Life

I agree, the title is not even close to a Joni Mitchell line.

But life has never been this better. The weather report had us expecting bad snow but good Sun came up to greet me. Canadian meteorologists can be wrong, too. A good thought.

Canada is coming up squirrels and more tolerable South Eastern winds. Snow by the sidewalk is slowly melting while there has been no more sight of black ice. Sun's heat can now be truly felt.

The decision to stay away from the laptop, and hence blogging, was tough but worthy of glorious consequences that came with it. My five senses have been revitalized and my sense of self renewed.

Seeing and Hearing


Niagara Falls was beautiful upclose. Mads and I were joking that if we fell in the waters, we'd die immediately of hypothermia before even reaching the fathoms below. Aside from the waters, Niagara has a other things to offer: a bird conservatory, Maid of the Mist boat ride (closed due to snow build up by the river) and something else. Except for the maple syrup, though, most souvenirs were made from China or Bangladesh.

Union Station is a sight to behold - and a place to sit and drink coffee while watching all those busy feet strutting in and out of subway's turnstiles and revolving doors. The PATH, somewhat starting from this station, was Toronto's underground walkway and a community of shops, fast food and business. Think it bursting with life while Toronto's streets run barren and cold during winter.

The CN Tower and a part of forever busy Toronto was beautiful from afar. Mike brought me there and we walked through black ice and wet marshes and by gorgeous red sumacs and hip-swaying ducks, swans and geese. It was cold that day but tolerable as a warm hand was just nearby.

Smelling and Tasting


Mads and I checked out the 360 Restaurant in CN Tower and regalled ourselves with the 4-cheese apperitif. We smelt, tasted and enjoyed every bite of goat, cheddar, edam and bleu while looking over the whole city from above. It was the experience, we both agreed, worth-tasting.

Mike and I drove to Cheese Boutique, a place near Runnymede. While we both agreed that the chefs were hefty and possibly had hot cheeses to offer, we settled for the real stinky cheeses instead. Even Heinz's spotted dick has to settle back in the cupboard again.

Mads is straight and married. Mike is gay and single. Both are friends.

After the cheese-filled togetherness, Mads and I talked about how we never got to do it. Over ham and cheese one night, Mike and I talked about we, Mads and I, never got to do it.

At some point in those two conversations, we laughed. Laughter after all, three of us agreed, was a good aftertaste.

Touching and Feeling


Tatay is getting better by the day. He is a lot nimbler and everyone in the seventh floor loves him.

But as strong-willed as he is, Tatay is just as stubborn. The nurses of St. Michael's have been forewarned.

Two times, a Brampton hospital went on Code Yellow when Tatay left his bed with his IV meter - first, to a different floor which he said was cooler and more comfortable to sleep in; and second, to Tim Horton's where he said he would buy coffee.

Alas, fathers are simply hard to father these days!

Walang Eklatan sa Baklang Pagmamahal

So dami talagang kyeme pag relasyong manchuman (M2M) ang major topic ng mga Pinoylla Gays.

Hindi ba dahil hindi ito staple sa ating mga badaf-badaf-forever unlike mga titing nagkalat sa kalye?

Imagine, parang kanin ang titi sa mga bakla. Dahil sa patuloy na paggamit sa kanya (mabibig man, mapakamay, mapapuwitan o kung anik anik na lang), nag-evolve sya in the most glamorous way: from nouns like ari, burachiwa, tarugz, notrilya and notes to adjectives like margo, flag ceremony to the highest level and dakota harrison to welcome rotonda and BACK!

Pero pag usaping relasyon, relasyon lang sya.

Syempre me definition pa raw na nagaganap: open ba o close? purely sexual lang ba o platonic? (PLATONIC?!!!) fur real or fur something w-h-a-t-ever?

Pero still, sa mata at puso ng isang ganap na pilipinong bakla: a long and lasting love (lalalala) ang tanging kahulugan ng salitang relasyon. AT WALA NG IBA.

Kaya kapag nandun ka na sa stage na yon, hmmm, napapaisip ka. Naguguluhan. Nababaliw. Napapakagat sa ring finger habang thinking out loud: Eenter ba akez? What ef he levz me? True love na ba itu? Baka pwet ko lang ang habol nya? Pano pag me nasayla syang iba at iwan akez? HOW HOW ZE ZHORAVAO?!!

Haay, tayong mga pinoy badets talaga, maraming isyus. Sa lahat ng asians, tayo ang may pinakamaraming drama at qualms. Talo pa ang mga Inggles ng UK sa tindi ng kaekekan sa buhay. (Hindi ka maekek, Ekra ha? Sadya lang marami sa atin ang ganyan.)

Deadma muna sa mga pinoy-pinoy love affairs, gorrah tayez sa i love a potato man because it is rich in carbo chuvanezz.

Ito ang mga relasyong naencounter kez: B & R (Canadian 38 and Chinese 37 on for 15 years). P & C (Greek 42 and Thai 39 on for 25 years). G & D (Australian 55 and HongKongese 44 for 12 years). D & E (Belgian 43 and Filipino 42 on for 12 years and then nagkahiwalay. AY!)

Ang tanong: bakit sila tumagal? Kasi they took it. Walang kyeme kyeme. Syempre me objective usapan sa umpisa. And then go lang ng go to the highest level. Inuupuan ang mga isyu. Me fightchina here and there but not all the time. They cross the bridge when they get there. Sa huli, they burned the bridge (although friends pa rin daw sila.)

Me nagstart as friends. Me nagstart as fuck buddies. Me nagstart sa sauna. Me nagstart sa isang park sa Sydney.

Kineber ang mga posibleng dahilan sa paghihiwalay. Kasi nga pinag-uusapan. Kung walang dahilan naman para magduda, bakit magdududa? Bakit mo nga naman lulunurin ang sarili mo sa mga pag-aalinlangang di naman deeply anchored sa whatever objective conditions.

Day, ang mga bakla, scientific din. Concrete analysis on concrete conditions. Sadya lang minsang maraming insecurities ang karamihan sa atin (dahil kailangang me pera all the time o dapat laging naka-oil of olay ang feslak at forevah maganda?) at nagiging subjective, centered on us all the time and always finding fault kahit wala naman talaga.

Kung hindi umepek, eh di hinde. Ganun lang kasimple. Cry kung cry pero move on. We'll snap out of it in no time.

Pero for now, ang truly mahalaga:

Gomorrah and enjoy the love, the companionship, the time, at lahat lahat na.

Kiber na ke Sodom.


Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look
Skip to the final chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far yeah
But the question drowns in its futility
And even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride
- Wood Song, Indigo Girls

****

Maraming salamat ke Empress Maruja sa pichur.

From Ariel to Triton

I took off my red cowl so you can have a better look at my face.

Your face brightened up as the warm winter sun shone on you like you were some god. And I knew you were happy. And so was I.

I took out the gadgets and gizmoes out of the treasure trove that was my mouth and you devoured on every word I said like Hansel would a big candy house in the forest.

I told you stories of the Norwegian fjords, the long stretches of Hennessy and Chater Roads, those long flights to wherever my feet would bring me.

And you were not be far behind with a retort or a story of your own: at Chinatown in Spadina, those endless trips by the lake, your stay here in St. Michael’s.

We laughed. And then you would keep quiet. But no uncomfortable silence.

You slept and I continued reading Murakami. You woke up and we went on with our conversations. In the middle of those, of course, you asked the urinal from me or I would hand you your tissue box. You taught me finally how to put a diaper on a 180-pound man lying on a bed.

How long has it been? Twelve years! And here we are trying to squeeze everything in 21 days.

I have not met my Erik yet but I sure be toppling a pudgy Ursula down in no time. And I hope you get to stand back on your fins once again to see that. I know you will be well. As I will be.

You have always known me to be Ariel.

And you will forever be my Triton. You know that, Tatay.

BIG!

If Canada would be anything, it is BIG.

Land area = 33 Philippines.
Five Alive fruit juice carton = 12 Hi-C orange tetras.
Canada ham = 5 Escalante fiesta.
Amount of snow along Hudson Drive = Taal Lake.

BIG Sale. My brother brought me supermarketing in No Frills, where almost everything was sold at $1. Not that it is Dollarama, which is yet another blog story.

I was shocked by the sheer size of the shopping carts: equivalent to 3 rusting NAIA airport carts. It appears to me then that the cart size may actually be proportional to the amount of money one has.

Here, they can afford to fill the whole cart like tomorrow is the end of the world. Back in Manila, all you can have is a plastic bag. Straight from Manang Huling’s Sari-Sari Store Pepsi Cola New Generation.

BIG House. Filipino families are in it for houses as huge as mausoleums, if not the whole lot of the Chinese Cemetery. So gargantuan you can actually film a typical family sitcom with a cast of 100 and a crew of 10,000.

Actually, they are almost in it for anything BIG.

We got invited to a party where food was so much you can actually feel it coming out of your nose. One of the living rooms was boxed in a huge space that one can actually think you are watching the whole family from a 100” flat screen TV. They were so literally loud that you thought the volume button in the remote control was kaput.

They reminded me of a trite joke about Russian schlongs and Filipina patooties. And Mrs. Capistrano.

BIG Snow. I have always looked forward to seeing and experiencing snow. My friends who have gone to experience it told me how amazing the touch of it was, the grand unforgettable way they would make angel’s wings, those funny times they attempted making a snow man and getting engaged into a snow fight.

BLAAAAAAH!

Canada’s grounds was like a paradise of smoothies and confectioner’s sugar gathering by the minute. Except it was hell. The wind was freezing enough to make one feel living inside the top level of GE Frigidaire. During such times I wish to be in a tropical beach somewhere down south of Philippines with a Halu-halo in my hand, minus the yelo.

BIG Love. What happens when you are with family whom you have not seen for more than 10 years? BIG everything.

BIG kwento. BIG chika. BIG hugs. BIG travels. BIG dayouts. BIG food. BIG eating.

I came here looking like Goldilocks. I don’t want to go back to Hong Kong looking like a grizzly bear.

*****
And about that, yes, it is BIG too.