Ang Simula at Huli ng Lahat

Yan ang moda ko two nights ago.

Bago nagbirthday si Aaron. Matapos kong i-submit ang entry kay Don. Nung pumunta ako ng Volume. Kasama sina Liz at Loven.

Matapos mahawakan ang Cambodian silk. At mabasa ang description. Maisuot at marealize na kailangang hindi na ako dapat lumaki pa. Para masuot sya.

Nung umuwi ako sa bahay. At natulog ng alas dos. At gumising kinabukasan. Pinanood ang Bergerak video documentary (na hindi pa opisyal na nailalabas).

At naglangoy.

----------

Mala-whirlwind romances ni Dolly Carvajal na ubod ng ambisyon ang mga huling araw.

Matapos akong magpanatang hindi ako makikipagtalik sa loob ng isang buwan, kuntodo ang pasok ng mga hinayupak na manliligaw mula sa kung saan-saan.

Naramdaman ko ang paghaba ng aking buhok, mala-Paraluman nung kanyang kabataan, at hinihintay si Pancho Magalona upang umakyat ng ligaw.

Isa lang naman ang habol ng karamihan.

Release.

----------

Hindi ko sila inalintana dahil nangarap akong maging isang modista. O sastre. O sabi nga ng isang kaibigan, mangarap ng higit na mas mataas. Maging katawang bakla ng dyosang si Rei Kawakubo.

Kaya hayun. Gumawa ako ng isang konsepto na kahit ako hindi ko naintindihan.

Natutok ako sa teknikalidad. Pumangit ang isinali. Nawala ang ideya sa karagatan ng nais maperpekto ang gawa.

Ipinasa ko syang malungkot. Kahit masaya ang pangalan ng disenyo: British Picasso on Patchwork.

Ramdam ko ang placing ko sa kontes na to.

Blag!

----------

Sa gitna ng kaguluhan, at maraming gawain, nagagawa ko pang magpalaboy sa internet. Makapagbasa ng blog kahit disoras na ng gabi. Makapaghanap ng posibleng makilala sa Pilipinas.

At sabihin ang aking tunay na pakay. At ang aking kalagayan.

Dito ko narealize: parang ayokong makipagtalik sa mga hindi ko kakilala sa Pilipinas.

Parang ang tanga non. Parang mali.

Parang baliw.

----------

Tulad ng mini-pamphlet na kasama ng huling isyu ng DS magazine:

Kung paano gumamit ng happy drugs (Ecstasy, Ketamine, Cocaine?) safely.

Napakamot ako ng ulo na halos ikinadugo ng aking tuktok:

Safely?

----------

Nalungkot ako dahil hindi na nagawang magmangga ang mga kaibigan ko ng sarili nilang mukha nang makita nila ang minangga kong mukha. Ito:Nawala na kasi ang link.

Pero hindi ko kasalanan.

Sorry.

----------

Parang walang kinalaman ang title sa post na to.

Wala lang.

Ito ba ang tinatawag na freewriting?

Mah.

Bagging the 2008 Philippine Blog Awards?

I went home last night after a heart-killing, figure-breaking meal of kare-kare, cheese-chunky fruit salad and champorado.

I left a friend to question vodka. But that is a different story altogether. No asking why there.

And then: You got mail!

I was nominated in the Personals Category of the 2008 Philippine Blog Awards!

I broke into a smile but I didn't fidget. We have to play Ada every now and then, right? The nomination is like Dodong staring at you in the face while he flexes his raw muscles in front of you as his pubes peek out of his tight pants.

Your drool start to well up but you contained it by closing your big mouth and turning around.

Okay, wipe that drool off, Kiks!

So after I have spread like Chicken Sandwich my feelings on the matter, I need to ask a favor from you blog friends and readers.

The one who wrote me and told me of my nomination stated that I need to fill out a form and list five of my best posts between April 2007 and April 2008. While I have a few in my head, I would request YOU to tell me what my five best posts are.

I know they are not a lot. But don't we all love to write? Kahit walang sense. Kahit nosebleed.

Syempre, if you don't habit my blog, I don't mind you not writing anything.

August 26, Tuesday, is your deadline.

XXXTra Challenge: Ode to the Old Dinosaur

(Second of the Three-Part Mini-Series)

ACT I: On Sale

If gay sex were an item for sale, I would be rich by now. Or poor.

Either I would be buying it. Or selling it.

And here in Hong Kong, it will always be on sale. And with free tasting.

I am not an addict. I am just a connoisseur.

And I don’t keep a black book. I have lost count in 2004.

The best items I have gotten so far have already been sold. So I never really purchased. I just borrowed. Or they lent themselves to me.

The lousiest ones were with those of highest quality. It’s like chewing on ivory. They should be reincarnated into figurines.

What is the sense in all this?

Nothing. I think I am just closing shop. Or going bankrupt.

ACT II: Easy

Actually meron. Merong sense.

Hindi madaling maging HIV positive. Kailangang alagaan ang CD4 count (or simply known as immune cells) at mapababa ng husto to undetectable level naman ang viral load (dami ng HIVirus sa katawan.)

Hindi sya madali kasi every quarter of the year ka nang bibisita ke duktor at magpapablood test. Madaling malaman ang CD4 count habang mahirap, matagal at mahal (kahit di ka naman magbabayad) sa pagdetermine ng viral load.

At maloloka ka minsan kapag lower than 200 ang CD4 mo. Ang kaso, sa maraming bansa ang threshold ay itinaas na to 350. Ang last count ko? 348. Good luck!

Once you start taking medications, you don’t stop. Parang Pringles.

I remember how I got it. Sa unang attempt at bareback, I got it instantaneously. Pero one year after ko pa nalaman when I had my urine test in Rainbow Sauna.

With easy sex comes easy everything, including HIV. So, caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware.

ACT III: Extra! Extra!

So I decided finally to give myself the greatest test. A month without sex. Or make it, a month without cum.

Hindi dahil Poz ako. Puh-leez. Hindi dahil gusto kong maging responsible or noble. Puh-leez yet again.

I just want to take control. I just want no distractions. Simple.

I am on my fourth day now.

-------------

Well, until Joona wins the gold, I told him:

"No diving."

The 34 Year Old Gay Virgin - Oda Kay Tandang Sora

(First of a Three-Part Miniseries)

Nagsisimula ng magsulsi ng mga patadyong si Czarina habang nakapagdesisyon na sa wakas si Lykang maging isang ganap na modista kasama ang iba pang mga kapatid sa labas.

At ako, eto't nagtatahi ng kung ano ang masasabi ko sa aking pagiging 34 anyos at nanatiling birhen - sa usaping relasyon. Aktwali, 33 lang ako. Sa Araw pa ng mga Patay ako tatanda.

Naalala ko tuloy si Ben, ang lalaking akala kong makakapiling ko hanggang aking pagtanda. Four years ago, nagkita kami sa dulo ng bahaghari. Tanging twalya lang ang bahag ko non at dumating sya na tila ba isang naghuhumindig na hari.

Maraming beses kaming nag-ututang dila, in many senses of the word. Hanggang sa huling date namin na kung saan di na namin napigilan ang isa't isa at umabot sa sukdulan ang aming kapusukan.

Ayun nadonselya nya ako. Binuntis. At iniwan.

So kumusta naman?

Hindi naman ako marunong mag-date. Nasanay akong nakatayo sa may hagdanan sa bahay namin sa Pasig habang naghihintay sa pagdating ng aking mga manliligaw.

O sya, hindi totoo yan. Hindi ako sanay makipag-flirt nang may damit. Wala akong talent sa eye-to-eye sa loob ng tren or wherever. At pag pumunta ako sa gay bar, either nagsasayaw lang akong mag-isa o umiinom ng libreng vodka pag Myerkules kasama ang mga friends. Walang flirting.

At ang aking natatanging boylet ay ang nag-iisang 40-Year Old Hindi-Na-Virgin na nagsimula sa Yahoo Messenger at na-meet ko rin four years ago nung umuwi ako sa Manila at nakipag-isang linggong pag-ibig sa kanya. After kong bumalik dito, narealize naming me physical needs kami na hindi namin maibibigay sa isa't isa dahil sa distansya. Hindi naman pwedeng i-DHL ang notes nya no?

Haaay. At aktibista pa ako. Marami bang baklang aktibista? At syempre, mahilig ako sa patatas. Maraming bang baklang aktibista na gawa sa patatas?

Kung usaping encounters of the third eye lang, marami akong ikukwento. Pero kung encounters of the love kind, counseling lang ang kaya kong gawin. At wala na akong maishe-share.

Well, except this one guy na nameet ko sa isang website. Puti. Haling na haling sa kissing scenes. Not socially involved pero mala-kaliwete rin ang opinyon. At poz pa.

Nga lamang, nasa New York ngayon ang loka.

Sus.

Witi Ihimaera, ang dyosa ng gabi sa mga halamanan sa Espanya, ibigay mo sa akin ang iyong kapangyarihan. Tama na, Eartha, sa iyong linyang "I need a man."

Disclaimer

Wala akong integridad sa tsismis.

Hindi totoong eksperto sa bathhouse ang mahihilig magyosi at magkape.

They flirt best with clothes on. Not sure when they're in trains.

4 Play

This is tag by jericho24hk, that stupid bitch who is so like the god of the bathhouses here in Hong Kong. I do foreplays, he jumps into the bed right away.Instructions:

What you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...

Click copy/paste, type in your answers and tag four people in your lists!

Don't forget to change my answers to the questions with that of your own

(A) 4 places I go over and over: white house (bahay namin sa Nathan), swimming pool (sa Kowloon Park habang libre), opisina (with or without the laptop), ospital (a permanent refuge). (forget the second path, je.)

(B) 4 people who e-mail me regularly: rabi (isang nepaling me pulang buhok), eman (isang pilipinong walang buhok), giuseppe (isang pranses na maraming buhok sa ilong), kawai (isang hapones na nakita ko na ang buhok sa...)

(C) 4 of my favorite places to eat: ang kolorum na nepali resto sa may jordan (mura na, maraming papa pa), mcdonald's (na merong mga magagandang Hello Kitty na binebenta sa bawat Happy Meal), ichiban (japanese fast food na makakayanan ang lasa ng mumurahing sushi at sashimi), satay king (masarap na reasonably-priced)

(D) 4 places i'd rather be? Canada (andun ang la familia at si mike), Japan (dahil gusto ko talaga sya), Davao (Philippines), swimming pool (isa talaga akong mermaid)

(E) 4 people i think will respond: Bananas, Misiz J, Mico, Reyna Elena

(F) 4 TV shows i could watch over and over: Sailormoon, Grey's Anatomy, QAF, Brothers and Sisters (kasi gusto ng mga kaibigan ko kahit di ko pa napapanood)

Note: Wag maniniwala sa pinagsasabi ni Aa. He does not have sex. He makes love (DAW!)

SATC

Syoke At The Chatroom.

Mga bading bloggers with a professional life na habang nagtatrabaho ay naisipang magchat. Kahit may concept paper na dapat sulatin, death contract na dapat hanapin, script na dapat tapusin, teleconference na dapat organisahin, piniling magManolo BLAHniks sa favorite virtual resto tungkol sa iba't ibang mga isyung kinakaharap ng bawat badet.

Kahit iba-iba ang mga cultural background, genetic make-up at personal interest, naglaan pa rin ng oras para sa mga once in a lifetime episodes ng kanilang collective chatlife.

At ito ang mga pinag-usapan.

1. Titi
carrie (4:23:30 PM): aba at may conference?
charlotte (4:23:36 PM): tayo lang
Yahoo! Messenger (4:24:24 PM): Miranda has joined the conference.
miranda (4:24:36 PM): dito na ako
charlotte (4:24:42 PM): ganda mo girl
miranda (4:25:03 PM): at nasan ang samantha?
Yahoo! Messenger (4:25:04 PM): Samantha has joined the conference.
samantha (4:26:06 PM): namatayan si Charlotte, mga friends...
carrie (4:26:18 PM): ng?
miranda (4:26:21 PM): ha? sinong namatay?
charlotte (4:26:25 PM): namatayan ng Titi?
samantha (4:26:37 PM): namatayan ng libog?
miranda (4:26:38 PM): di namamatay ang titi

2. Katawan
charlotte (4:28:13 PM): buti pa si Trey... ipanagtanggol ako.... sa paglalait ng iba dyan na Tomboy raw ako
carrie (4:28:29 PM): sinong nagsabi nun?
charlotte (4:28:33 PM): kakainis ang Man boobs ko. Kalokah.
carrie (4:28:35 PM): si Trey, ang bagong lalaking pinagnanasaan ni Charlotte
samantha (4:28:42 PM): ay me man boobs ka na rin? ang dami nyo na....
charlotte (4:28:53 PM): di naman masyadong obvious. pero am working on it
miranda (4:29:06 PM): wala akong man boob. meron akong BOOBS period

3. Relasyon
carrie (4:30:49 PM): ay .. buhay na ulit ang charlotte-harry tandem?
charlotte (4:30:50 PM): chos!
samantha (4:31:03 PM): as en?!
miranda (4:31:08 PM): ay buhay na naman!
samantha (4:31:16 PM): it slike carrie-aidan love team! mwahahaha
carrie (4:31:26 PM): gaga ka miranda
samantha (4:31:27 PM): revelations ba ito?!
miranda (4:31:37 PM): or aleksandr-carrie love team!
charlotte (4:31:39 PM): aidan pala ha
samantha (4:31:41 PM): issue!
charlotte (4:31:46 PM): as in may aleksandr pa
charlotte (4:31:52 PM): isama na rin si jack
carrie (4:31:52 PM): lokah
miranda (4:31:58 PM): or jack-carrie love team!
miranda (4:32:06 PM): (vomits)
charlotte (4:32:07 PM): malandi pala ang carrie? daming Internet BF's
carrie (4:32:27 PM): hindi naman BFs. mga manliligaw lang
samantha (4:32:33 PM): ay naging issue na nga
charlotte (4:33:28 PM): how about the Steve-Carrie loveteam? pwede bang eh revive?
samantha (4:33:34 PM): hahahahahaha. ay alam ni charlotte?

4. Men
charlotte (4:34:42 PM): pero in fairy ness.... type ko si Jerrod.... kung pamhinta lang sana
carrie (4:35:51 PM): miranda..magiging pamhinta ba si jerrod?? in this lifetime??
miranda (4:36:18 PM): never...kapag nangyari yun, its like reversal na ang climate change
carrie (4:36:54 PM): hahaha .. sorry charlotte.. magkaka-pekpek muna si Jerrod bago sya maging pa-mhin
charlotte (4:37:09 PM): okay lang. mukha lang naman ang type ko
miranda (4:37:16 PM): but he is cute, no question abt that
charlotte (4:37:26 PM): Rocky Salumbides ang dating. parang balot vendor.... na pang model

5. Top or Bottom
miranda (4:42:22 PM): gagah...top ako...di ko feel ang bottom, masakit sa pwet
charlotte (4:42:24 PM): si samantha ba bottom din?
miranda (4:42:34 PM): si samantha? fathomless
carrie (4:42:40 PM): si samantha ay everywhere..parang GOD!
miranda (4:42:46 PM): hahaha
carrie (4:42:50 PM): or 7-11
miranda (4:43:18 PM): charlotte top ka ba?
samantha (4:43:36 PM): gagah, miranda. i can be anything my man wants me to be. chos!
charlotte (4:43:52 PM): versace ako samantha, gagah
carrie (4:44:22 PM): versa si charlotte.. pwede rin sa unan
samantha (4:44:42 PM): si carrie, sasquatch! chos!

6. Loss
charlotte (4:48:09 PM): kakainis... namatayan kasi ako
miranda (4:48:23 PM): sinong namatay?
charlotte (4:48:36 PM): tapos... wala akong ma-ikwentuhan... dahil ang mga sisters... either nasa trabaho.... or tulog na
miranda (4:48:37 PM): d black guy with the big dick?
charlotte (4:48:46 PM): kaya ako sad. yun na yun. tapos si Carrie.... may meeting pa. chooooos!
miranda (4:49:10 PM): ....and u were not having an affair with this deceased person?
charlotte (4:49:21 PM): anova yan? si Miranda tlaga... daming alam
miranda (4:49:34 PM): hahaha
samantha (4:49:36 PM): hmmmmn
carrie (4:49:39 PM): hmmmmmm

7. Relasyon
samantha (5:08:28 PM): sa ating lahat, ako lang ang birhen sa relasyon. si carrie, forever virtual. si miranda, relationship on air.
carrie (5:08:54 PM): hoy ... hindi naman virtual yung last year
samantha (5:09:00 PM): si charlotte... malaysia Pakistan. ano ba Charlotte?
carrie (5:09:12 PM): si charlotte.. relationship ON HOLD
charlotte (5:09:13 PM): wahahaha

8. Sex
charlotte (5:09:42 PM): basta alng alam ko... ang last dyug ko ay Januray pa
samantha (5:09:50 PM): oh my god, talaga charlotte? no kiddeng?!
charlotte (5:10:04 PM): yea
miranda (5:10:09 PM): josko day, baka malaglag na yang titi mo at maging pickles na
charlotte (5:10:14 PM): i dont like sex that much anymore. iba ang hinahanap ko
samantha (5:10:22 PM): day, magtinda ka na ng sago't gulaman na me chendol
charlotte (5:10:31 PM): gaga ang samantha
samantha (5:10:33 PM): sana i can say that statement today until the end of time
miranda (5:10:52 PM): sige, jan si charlotte. e si samantha?
samantha (5:11:00 PM): kahapon
miranda (5:11:04 PM): si carrie?
samantha (5:11:15 PM): ikaw, miranda? i cannot answer for carrie
miranda (5:11:26 PM): ako? may
samantha (5:11:37 PM): si carrie, after ko....
carrie (5:11:44 PM): I don't do sex .. I make love
miranda (5:11:45 PM): mali, i was in bangkok! so june pala
carrie (5:14:08 PM): ano na pinag-uusapan???
samantha (5:14:17 PM): ano ang pinaguusapan ka dyan. nagreact ka na sa separate message box no?!
miranda (5:14:48 PM): hoy carrie. tuga na. kelan ang huling jug mo?
carrie (5:15:03 PM): kanina

Exorcising This Fashion Demon

Ayuku na ng distractions kaya isosolat ko na sya.

Last Monday, I met up with a friend, who also happens to be the daughter of an activist friend. She grew up in Holland making her upbringing and taste for clothes very Dutch. We met in Times Square, a place where the word Giordano would be unheard of unless you brazenly clutch someone else's back and see if the shirt was bought from Giordano Concepts or at least one of those on sale.

I was surprised to see myself talking about fashion with her for two hours straight as if it were my cup of tea, my bread and butter, my life - when I could not even bring myself to Times Square and walk with bags of newly bought clothes. All I could do was reach orgasm just by looking at Camper shoes and Muji clothes, nothing more. And then I would wipe my drool away and wake up to reality.

During that two-hour chat, I was lambasting Hong Kong for its horrendous sense of fashion while applauding Japanese people for their great contemporary taste. My friend retorted that Filipinos don't have any sense of fashion at all. There is no such thing as a trend in the country.

I gave her the dead malice and went on to rant about Hong Kong: colored Intifada scarves that do not look normal on someone else's neck given it's 35 degrees hot here; kurtina laces turned into dresses, tops and what have you; pants that cost like a domestic helper's monthly wage yet look so normal, so ordinary; brands that do not really matter.

What has Britain turned the Hong Kong people into? Brand-hungry animals who look no less than the equally horrendous, unwearable fashion that they are. I read reviews of last London's Winter Collection and I felt relieved. I was proven right.

Of course, the roricon influence on the Japanese is still very much alive. The hiphop sense that remains senseless, almost non sequitur in warm, tropical Philippines. The individuality driven in the heads of Hong Kong young adults (as in other countries, perhaps) that being different is the way to go. YET, being and dressing so differently in what seems like a chaos has turned them all to look drably, sadly, much to my very chagrin, the same.

Imperialism has turned our city kids into mindless freaks of fashion, of pop, of anything so jejunely different. Imperialism wants city kids to love capitalism and to believe that it is the end of history through this almost anarchic sense of trendisms and individualist style that soon enough will lose meaning in the wake of the food crisis.

And hell with eco-friendisms. Their clothes remain expensive. And hell with fashion magazines who have nothing else in mind but follow their Western counterparts and showcase local fashion gods and goddesses most of whom have nothing in between their brains except seamed medulla oblongatas (okay, some do.) And hell with all these new fashion products when after a few years they will all go back to the most natural, most organic that is water, eating good food and exercising every day.

The ones setting this trend are the Marie Antoinettes of our time who know nothing about poverty, except getting sad for those poor thin people with flies fluttering like death around them. Or maybe they are aware and they would all like to be Princess Dianas. Or KCs.

Ask them about the rice crisis and a quick, prompt reply would be nothing more than: "Yeah... (and another five seconds of)...."

Enough. I have ranted enough. No rationalizing. Back to work.