kiks

The End Is Here

2010-05-03T11:58:00.001+08:00

I close this blog for a new one. Simply because I (want/need) to.

(Please visit my new blog at http://kikomanhk.blogspot.com.)

Caveat Emptor

2009-11-21T11:23:00.002+08:00

I should have seen by the print that it was not what I wanted it to be. Hindi na sana ako nag-bid.

Sigh, sayang the 250HKD.

Ramping Mongkok

2009-11-20T17:26:00.000+08:00

With the helps and influence of Kawadjan, DP and Mel, I am doing my first, and hopesfully last (?), photoshoot of my everyday wear for winter.

Wrap Around Jacquet by H&M Japan
over DKNY Ukay Sweats
UNIQLO Jeans
MUJI Reds

Closure

2009-11-18T06:24:00.001+08:00

Palagi kang To be continued. Ang hirap mong isara.

I

Bago tayo magkita, inakala kong wala na tayo. Ilang taon na rin tayong di nagkikita. Nagkabanggaan lang ulit sa Library ng mga Fez nitong taon at tila habambuhay na lang birtwal na nagsusundutan.

Hanggang sundutin mo ako sa likod. Doon nga. Kina Charles De Gaulle.

II

Para tayong mga readers ng e-books na sinulat nina Stephanie Meyer at Danielle Steele sa mga kwentong Paris, Tsim Sha Tsui at Taipei. Tila mga telenovela series ang ating mga lovelife. Patapos na ang chapter ko kay Virginia P habang ikaw naman ay papalapit na sa umaatikabong climax ng pelikulang Si Aida, Si Lorna o Si Fe.

Habang nagdadaldalan, para tayong mga Benejezerits. Napakaraming lenggwahe.

III

Sa pagitan ng mga eksena mula Zaire hanggang Hong Kong, alam nating marami tayong hindi pwedeng pag-ugnayan. I was too communistic for you, sabi mo. You are too capitalistic for me, sagot ko.

Sa puntong ito, alam kong ipipinid ko na ang pintuan ng chapter nating dalawa. Pero tulad nina Gerard Depardieu at Robert De Niro sa pelikulang Novecento, tahimik nating inaming parang walang nagbago. Na kapag nagkita tayo ulit, maglalandian at maghuhuntahan pa rin tayo kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas, me ibang asawa man o wala, wrinkled o na-botox, me rebolusyon o wala.

IV

Alas singko pasado nang biglang kumanta sina Barbra Streisand at Andy Gibb. Guilty.

Natawa tayong dalawa.

V

Nung umagang yon, maagang nagbagong taon sa Hong Kong.

Resto City The Final Chapter

2009-08-21T13:30:00.004+08:00

It took me sometime to get rid myself of my addiction. So I started a business - Chaps Laps.

Chaps Laps is the name of the business I made out of my addiction with Playfish's Restaurant City on Facebook. Business kasi kumikita ako ng coins by cooking virtual gourmet dishes, shaking trees and cleaning trash. Aside from the fact that I can employ 8 staff from my list of facebook friends as my restaurant space expands.

For some days, I did not do anything but give water to my staff, make them fit on new clothes and redesign the resto's interior. Until I was glad to have reached Level 27, apparently the pinnacle of anyone's career in this god-forsaken, no-unionizing virtual capitalistic world.

Peste, hirap talaga kapag mas madaling gawin at matapos ang tasks sa online games kesa sa sarili mong trabaho.

Umeechus lang!

Dinner at Red Ant

2009-08-18T13:03:00.007+08:00

Even stars get grime.

I washed and scrubbed and rinsed myself of dust, dirt and disgust I gathered from my last hours in Turkey. I prepped myself for meeting P who decided that Wally Matt's was the best place to be at that moment.

He was his usual. I was my own. He held my hand as he let out a whiz which he quickly stopped from hitting my face. I kissed him back despite his expressed worries of me having his cold virus.

"I already have it," I laughingly replied. We both smiled - me tiredly, him hungrily.

We decided to eat.

Over dinner, I asked him about his past, his exes, me, us. He answered back quite truthfully, honestly.

I smiled. Quietly. He looked. To me. And back to his noodles.

We decided it was time to go. Back to the hotel. Not to the bar.

We kissed for quite some time. Hugged not wanting to let go.

Although the sparkle faltered somewhere 15 minutes ago, it became all moot.

I have a month to think about it. So does he.

Right now, I have to ask Yvaine to step aside for a while. It is my turn to shine.

Komersyal

2009-07-30T10:24:00.007+08:00

Isa sa mga problema sa pagsusulat ng blog posts, commercial. Napakaraming commercial.

Kapag namemental block ka, magbubukas ka ng tindahan sa Restaurant City o maglalaro ng kahit anumang bagong ino-offer sa http://freegamesnews.com.

Kapag tinatamad kang magsulat, maghahanap ka ng mga mapapanood na funny commercials o latest most viewed videos sa youtube o kaya sa ch131.com.

Kapag walang words na pumapasok sa utak mo, itutuon mo na lang sa pagsesearch at download ng mga movies or what have you sa mininova.com o, kung malibug-libog ka, gay-torrents.com.

Kung tuluyan ka ng iniwanan ng ulirat (lucid intervals ang tawag ko dito), dadayo ka na lang talaga sa gayhk, fridae o fuckrace. Sa Pilipinas, mas patok ata ang planetromeo (na uber-chaka ang layout).

Pati distractions ngayon, online na.

How distracting! CHOS!

Welcome. Anna.

2009-07-26T18:14:00.005+08:00

No. Anna Wintour did not thank me.

I welcomed her.

You should, too.

The Great Asian Pose - HK Beckie Style

2009-07-25T19:27:00.004+08:00

Deez haz yaht to bee mahy contribuuzhen to zee GREAT AZHYAN POWSE.

Click Here.

Doing it DP Style

2009-07-25T17:13:00.008+08:00

I was in Central awhile ago. Being there, I cannot help but visit a very familiar place.

And they were on sale.

There, I caught glimpse of a coatie and this singlet.

The singlet was flimsy, cottony, cool to the feel, almost like Fruit of the Loom panties. The coatie was thin, shimmery blue and almost like a very think kapote worn in Grade school.

I dropped the coatie. Got the singlet. Obviously.

Went back to Kowloon and went straight to the public pool. Sadly, my goggles broke.

To appease myself, I wore my singlet.

This.

H&M Light Mouse Grey Singlet (HK49.50, bought today)

Good to tie it up with old clothes that never really left.

Esprit Khaki Pants (HK100, bought in 2006)

Adidas Red and Black Shoes (HK200, bought in 2003)

(I blame the likes of Don Protasio and Mel Beckham for the influence.)

.

2009-07-20T18:59:00.004+08:00

Ito ang pakiramdam ko ngayon.

Epilogue: Liesel at 17

2009-07-15T09:06:00.002+08:00

Dateline: Sometime in the Glory Days of the 21st Century's First Decade
Location: Jordan, Hong Kong SAR (Today's Geneva, Switzerland)

Liesel, now aged 34, opens his laptop and checks with a bit of apprehension his gmail for any e-telegram.

He hears the usual welcome melody of an Asus laptop turning on. The blank monitor lights up with color. Liesel sits and stares with emotions stirred up between indifference and overpowering hopefulness.

As he waits, memories of their last days in Salzburg come back. Them memories are cut short when the inbox finally opens.

Liesel smiles.

Ang Moda Ko Ngayon: Liesel at 16

2009-07-13T21:02:00.005+08:00

Ang feeling ko ngayon ay isang babaeng naghihintay sa mga telegramang darating sa aming bahay.

Na para bang bawat oras, bawat minuto ay laging dudungaw sa may bintana at tatanawin kung may lalaking nagbibisikleta papunta sa mansyon, papasok at magdodoorbell. Na matapos ibigay ang telegrama ay maghihintay sa may garden, sa may gazebo at maghihintay sa akin.

Na matapos ang kasal nina Fathah at Frau Lein, eheheste, Mothah (i love calling her mothah), ay tatanungin ako ni Mothah kung may mga telegrama bang laging naipapadala at mag-aatubili ako bago ako sumagot ng hindi.

Ang susunod kong tanong ngayon ay:

a) Magtatanong na ba ako kay Mothah kung ano ang gagawin ko ...if you stop loving someone? Or he has stopped loving you?

o

b) Magiging evil Nazi boy kaya si Someone?

o

Walang magaganap na a o b kasi sasama sa amin si Someone patungong Switzerland.

Fast-forward to this day, ako ang makabagong Liesel, 17 years old times two.

At maglalabas ako ng isang malalim na buntung-hininga.

I'll waaaaaaait

a weeeeeeek

or two.

Blanko

2009-07-05T08:55:00.003+08:00

The minutest of things add vibe and vigor to the seemingly endless rigors of one's mundane life.

Just saying this as an attestation to Kawadjan's post on blogging.

Melissa Roxas

2009-07-03T09:22:00.002+08:00

She is one of the reasons why I do not aim to back down or out from what I do.

See her. Listen to her.

Melissa Roxas speaks at Press Conference from Anakbayan Seattle on Vimeo.

From Ariel to Triton: Conversations with Tatay

2009-06-22T22:17:00.002+08:00

My Tatay and I did not see each other for more than 12 years and I dearly missed him.

While memories of childhood remain as vivid like they just happened yesterday, it was the good ones that I kept flashing my torch on. And that was what I carried with me when I visited him and my three other siblings.

My Tatay had a heart attack and was scheduled to go through two major heart operations. At 80 years old.

When I knew about his condition on New Year’s Day of 2008, I knew I had to do everything in my power to see him. Kahit pa bali-baligtarin ko ang mundo, basta magkita lang kami ng Tatay ko.

So I made sure. And I know it was not going to be that easy. Being a Filipino, one knows how difficult it is to apply for a visa to a first-world country. I have been refused once by the same consulate so I prepared for the worst. Apparently, on the same day I applied, I got me my visa.

And next thing I knew, I was there standing in front of my Tatay while he was lying in his hospital bed looking back at his bunso. And without saying a word, we knew that we were satisfied just by looking at each other. Finally, we have met again.

Feisty Tatay

My Tatay lived through two major heart operations. Sabi nga ng mga duktor: Tatay is a fighter. He made sure he will survive this one.

And he made me proud. Tatay ko eh.

And maybe that’s what I got from him – his feistiness, his desire for life.

When he knew about my activism, he did not say a word. Whenever we would talk over the phone, he would ask how I was and he would start going on talking about what he was cooking, what telenovela he was watching and how the pears are growing in big numbers at the backyard.

I would talk about my overnights at a workers’ strike while he would brag about his delicious won tons. He knew that I could take care of myself. And while I knew he was worried sick about me, he would not dare have me feel even a tinge of it. My father gave me that freedom to do what I want. And he believed in me.

Maraming Tatay

Once, we had a lengthy talk about the people I have met through activism.

I began by blurting out a secret: I have many fathers. Upon hearing, his forehead knotted and he asked me how that could have happened.

I happily answered. My activism brought me to many homes. Of farmers. Of workers. Of poor people. Of indigenous men and women. All of whom welcomed me and treated me like one of their kin.

I told my Tatay that despite their situation, they have been the most generous fathers and mothers I have met. The stories they tell about the sacrifices they have made for their children always break my heart. But their stories of struggle and involvement keep it strong.

It is this wellspring of optimism that a better life awaits their children and their children’s children from the struggles that they make that keep me going. Parang motolite. Parang Energizer batteries. Parang haplos ni Inay.

Halfway through my story, I saw my Tatay looking outside the window but listening intently. Out of the blue, he snickered and said: “Isa ka nga sa sakit ng ulo ni Gloria. Kahit ilang medicol inumin nya, hindi mawawala.”

Looking Forward

My Tatay and I have outlived our differences. We embrace our similarities and accept the things that neither of us can change – like the distance we have between us, the life I have chosen and that piece of equipment embedded in his heart. Agimat nya daw yan kaya di mawawala.

When we parted ways, I carried a heavy heart but he told me to take heed. Marami naman daw akong Tatay at marami pang magiging tatay. At sana maging tatay daw ako.

I answered back: You are right. With the struggle, we will never run out of fathers. And mothers.

You are the inspiration for my being. And for what I do. And why I do it.

When you turned my fins into feet, you let me choose freely the way I want to use them.

And I can safely and proudly say, Tatay, I did.

Ate Kuya

2009-06-14T14:41:00.004+08:00

Aaminin ko, muntik na nya akong mapaniwala.
Na sya ang nawawalang kapatid nina Tony Chan (yung nagpapanggap na lover ni Nina Wang sa Hong Kong) at Roderick Paulate. Na matindi ang influence from Kuya Germs.

Si Kuya Germs, napapaniwala ako. Itong si Ate Kuya, malabo...

Abba in Sabah

2009-06-10T09:35:00.001+08:00

Isang linggo akong mawawala.
Lalapang ng saba sa Sabah.

Being Ariel

2009-06-04T21:59:00.004+08:00

I became Poseidon's youngest daughter just for one time tonight.

Ganito sya.

I was doing my usual laps at the Kowloon Park Swimming Pool. Kahit pa known cruising place ito sa Hong Kong, deadma lang ako at kuntodo sa pagfrog kick, flip ng fins and everything Ariel would do with her two feet. In the water.

Nang aking masubaybayan si kuyang hindi gaanong kagwapuhan. Chika with a chekwa to his left for quite a while.

After my Nth lap, I noticed wa na silang dalawa sa shallow end. So I thought, ay baka they already hit one of those steamy cubicles - the pool's version of bathhouses' private rooms.

But no. As I was doing my breaststroke for my Oth lap, nakita ko si kuya swimming a few feet ahead of me.

As he was nearing the end of the deep side of the pool, tumigil si kuya, held on to the line and tried to stretch his left leg. He had cramps.

Ay day, I immediately swam faster towards him as I noticed him slowly getting into a panic.

Lapit agad ako and told him to hold on to the line tightly, relax, calm down, hold on to me (and that's when I realized this potato was six foot tall and quite double the size of beautifully petite me.)

And habang lumulubog ako ng konti at nakakainom ng konting tubig rich with chlorine, I asked him to shout for help pag hindi na nya kaya. Aba'y nagwave lang kay mamang lifeguard habang lumalagok ng tubig.

So I did what was necessary: I became his spokesperson and shouted for help.

Mamang lifeguard noticed, threw the salbabida (to the wrong lane) and dove right away. Nasagip naman si kuya although feeling ko nahiya sya kasi tinignan sya ng maraming utraz.

Eeksena pa sana ako kaya lang dinumog na sya ng sandamakmak na lifeguards na kepopogi at kemamacho at itnigims kuntodo. What gives pa diba? Ang mahalaga, he is now safe on land.

So deadma na lang. I finished my last two laps and left.

As I was heading out of the park, I realized how good it felt to help that guy. Kahit hindi pa sya si Eric.

I sheepishly smiled as I hummed my way back to the office:

I don't know when, I don't know how...

Performance by a Gay Person as an Insect

2009-05-29T08:50:00.002+08:00

If I were an insect,

I would definitely be this.

P

2009-05-21T09:30:00.004+08:00

Kung distansya ang naging problema sa pagitan nina A at Z (yung isa blogger, yung isa me tattoo, pawang mga totoong tao), sinolusyonan ito ni P.

Nag-p sya. P as in plane.

Sya si P. P as in Paul.

P sya para sa akin. P as in pogi. P as in pwede. P as in perfect.

Pag andito sya (3x a month ang byahe nya), palaging may p. P as in purpose. Katulad nitong May. Sa unang byahe, meet the friends (Aa and everyone). Sa ikalawang byahe, meet the beckies (sa Volume). At sa third, meet me. Only.

At dahil modang naka-P na sya (p for pamanhikan), pwede ko na syang iannounce. Dito at sa FB.

Sya ang aking P. P as in Papa. P as in Primary. P as in permanent.

Pag nandito sya, happy ang p ko. Pagod din ang p ko.

idaho blues

2009-05-19T17:14:00.004+08:00

last sunday, there was a paddle of sweaty lgbts in central.

most of them youngies. mostly TEENS!
most of them gays, only a few were carpet munchers.

until of course filguys - our org of lesbian ofws here - came.
at first, i was a bit doubdtful. not because i doubted idaho and its essence. but simply because i had issues with some of the people behind idaho hk.

until a friend and i talked.

maybe, there are just idiosyncracies that a certain group has. they act on a decision simply because they just want to.

not for any malicious intent.

and with that simple knowldge, i let go of my kachuvahan with some of those who were there.

they did not matter anymore. solidarity is a tough nut to crack and it is the beauty of it that we do not dare impose on others as what we will not stand up to any imposition.

because what mattered in solidarity is that we are all brothers. and sisters.

what mattered then was idaho itself and why it should continue.

and why we need to be there. always.
(haaaay, kaemotan sa gitna ng chova.)

Let's Do IDAHO

2009-05-15T15:05:00.005+08:00

Gayness is more than just putting fake eyelashes. It is definitely more than just lurking in the dark and ensnaring your next victim.

We are simply more than that.

Sexual minorities have a place in this world and we have a responsibility to ensure that THAT place is secured.

We do not only stand up, we talk. We don't only talk. we move. We don't only move, we gather. We do not only gather, we win over.

I simply refuse to believe that we have to pay our way up and be free from all this discrimination. For gays are worth more than the pink dollars we send (and spend).

I don't want my gayness to be unrecognized.

But neither do I want it commercialized.

(join IDAHO - international day against homphobia this may 17. if you don't have one in your country, it may be good to start organizing one. it is a lot better than gay day, methinks.)

Manny for President

2009-05-13T18:58:00.002+08:00

If for the heck of it, the laughter that comes with it, I will vote for him.

Manny Pacquiao for president.

Puti

2009-05-11T08:02:00.004+08:00

Alagang alaga namin si Puti
Bakang mataba, bakang maputi.
Tulong-tulong sa paghila
Hila Hila Hila
Kariton at paninda.

Alagang alaga namin si Puti
Bakang mataba, bakang maputi
Subuan mo ng damo at nguya
Nguya nguya nguya
Bakang mataba.

(Ulitin ang unang stanza)

(isang awiting aking sinayaw sa aking kabataan with matching modern taiwanese dance-steps coupled with ethnic jazz. seryoso, duda ako sa second stanza. but anyhow, para kay la paz with eggs.)

Tear of Tears

2009-05-08T17:52:00.001+08:00

It is sad when you know that you are losing it.

And sadder to know you want to let go.

One Night with Mrs Jones

2009-05-06T14:30:00.014+08:00

It was dark. All I knew it was after six.

You were standing right around that corner when I approached you.

You were gigantic. And so was your stalk.

So much for your stalk.

We did our usual. But there was something more.

We cuddled. We kissed. We cupped. We spooned.

We talked a bit.

Where do you live? Hong Kong.
You? Hong Kong.

You got a boyfriend? Yes.
Oh.

You? Yes.
Oh.

We laid silent.

So would this be our Vegas? Probably.
And you would not be Mrs. Jones? No.

We laid again. Silent.

We kissed

and went our ways.

------

This would probably the last time we would see each other.

Funny, we barely saw each other.

I Cum

2009-05-04T17:23:00.006+08:00

I return.

At katulad ng maraming artistang nalaos at pilit na bumabalik, hindi ako yon.

I would consider this blog, my mother. And I, bilang bloggista, ang kanyang prodigal son.

(Walang modang Freddy Aguilar dahil kashe-shave ko lang ng buhok ko last Thursday.)

We travel back and forth trying to reinvent ourselves, find new life into whatever we do, make them appear more interesting than they actually look like in real life.

Because in reality, they are not. But like the showbiz suckers that we are, we want to be just as slam-glam as the bullshit-heavy Lady Gaga and old-leather tanga-toting Madonna.

But the blog, like mother, like a journal, remains a quiet expectator. A willing shock absorber. She is like, any of our mothers, the gossipers of our secrets - mala-telephone cans to friends everywhere - na di natin maaccess by chat, sms or real.

Na para bang sige mudra, make kwento my kwento to the rest of mankind. While you make kwento to me the kwento of the rest of mankind.

And so I return.

I just hope Eartha won't.

Otherwise, I will rethink this coming back myself and would opt for reincarnation.

Condemn the Condom?

2009-03-24T15:08:00.007+08:00

I am not him. Magkapangalan lang kami.

Katulad ni Kiko, ang astig naming azucena dito sa oficina, ninanais ko ring maging malaya. Malayang makapaghubad sa publiko.

Malayang magnude walking papuntang Tsim Sha Tsui o kaya kumain ng mumurahing sushi sa Aji Ichiban.

Pero dahil sa kalakaran ng lipunan dito sa HK at sa maraming lugar, imposibleng maganap ito. Kaya nagdadamit ako.

Marami sa atin ang nagdadamit. Depende sa kung ano ang okasyon. At motibo. Me nagpapakyut. Me nangangarir. Me nagmumudel-mudelan ala Anne Hathaway with red gloves to Elias-Clarke office. Me nagpapakadiscrete.

Pero syempre ayon pa rin sa social norms, sa societal rules. We have to conform.

Lately, si Pope Benedict, ang posibleng pinakakonserbatibong fashionista na nakilala ko, me pinapakalat na bagong moda - by condemning the wearing of condom. Ang dahilan: it aggravates the problem of HIV/AIDS.

While I never really liked wearing a condom, I beg to disagree with the man. I think anybody would.

Wearing a condom protects both parties. While it does not solve the problem of sexual anarchy, having Okamoto or Durex in your pocket and using it when you need it still helps.

Sexual decadence is a different issue altogether. But this one - condemning the condom - is an issue that has to be addressed.

Dahil kahit umabot ako sa panahong pwede na akong mag-undress in public, magsusuot pa rin ako ng condom.

i-D: Kiks

2009-02-23T10:05:00.004+08:00

Inumpisahan ng mga briton.

Pinabongga ng mga dyosa.

Nakigaya ako.

Wag kaka limutan ang toyo sa tokwang may suka.

Jack

2009-02-21T00:22:00.002+08:00

Everytime I watch Heroes, I am always fascinated by a name that comes on the screen at the start of any episode.

I have been wondering how he looks like, what character he plays in the TV series.

And how he would feel when he gets introduced to the general Filipino viewing public.

Bayots, babes and boys, ang tatay ni Hayden bilang the cheerleader:

Jack Coleman.

Volver

2009-02-19T20:40:00.004+08:00

Everyone reserves the right to come back. And so do I.

Reason? Nothing.

I will not attempt to make trepid and inadequate Bebe Gandanghari-like answers.

I will just quote Adele: so little to say, so much time.

And besides, I like my post title. So apt.

At least Penelope Cruz and I have something in common.

A name. Raimunda.

TSE!

CLOSING SHOP

2009-01-06T14:15:00.003+08:00

This year, I welcome the next 359 days with closing this blog.

Many words have been spoken. So many have been hurt. Many have tried and failed.

And the previous paragraph did not really mean anything.

I am just moving to a new blog, a gift from a very close friend.

There, I won't talk much. I will let them images do the seancing.

See me here.

lols, blinag naman ako ng aking new blog. hahaha, sablay naman tong pamamaalam na to.

hanyo, pag gumana na, maglalagay ako ng notice.

Celebrating Christmas, Jordan Road Style

2008-12-25T01:29:00.003+08:00

This is how we celebrate Christmas.

Here.

Walk the long stretch of Nathan. And be gay. Really gay.

Slurp ice cream. And not gain a pound.

Bring kids. And be thrilled.

Put on underwear. Where it should not be.

Eat beef rendang and lugaw. And love it.

Go to market. In street fashion.

Dance with an orange. A real orange.

Feed banana to a friend. And make sure it gets into her mouth.

Collect balloons. Just collect them.

And give gifts.

Celebrating Christmas has never been this fun. And meaningful.

Having it with distressed migrant workers makes the holiday season different.

Hope you had a good one, too!

Isang Moment sa 711

2008-12-24T14:06:00.003+08:00

Gagawin ko bang kaemote-emote ang post na ito? Sige, ita-try ko.

Nangyari ang lahat sa 7-11.

Nakalimutan kong gatasan si Puti noong Martes kaya napwersa akong magkandirit sa 7-11 sa tapat ng opisina namin para bumili ng Kowloon Dairy Fresh Milk.

Habang tumatawid, inisip ko ang lahat ng kabanidosahan ko sa buhay: ang pagpapaganda, damit na panglamyerda, shoeses, etc.

Parang ang gastos ko. Actually, walang parang. Naging magastos ako.

For vanity, I spent. For vanity, I wasted. For vanity, I indulged.

And at some point I felt sad. I felt incomplete without these things. these, according to Andrea Saks, "stuff".

Hanggang napadpad ako sa 711 na walang pintuan. At nakita ko si Kuya.

Walang Kamay.

Umattack sa refrigerator at kumuha ng dalawang cartons ng Vita Chocolate, inilapag sa cashier's area, binuksan ang bag nyang black at naglabas ng 10 dollars.

All the time, nakangiti sya. Malay ko kung masayahin o malungkutin syang tao, pero nung moment na yon, parang isa sya sa mga kandidata ng Miss Happiness 2008.

He was without cares. And I was. He felt complete. I didn't.

And he made me. Complete. Happy.

I did not bring my camera with me but that ephemeral scene would have be kept forever in my own memory card.

May mga bagay na hindi kailangang i-print. O bilhin. Para maging masaya.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Pagdadalaga

2008-12-11T12:46:00.004+08:00

Sa isang bar sa Timog Silangang Asya:

Sino ang type mo?

Wala. Ayoko.

Meron ka ano? Sino?

Di pwede. Committed na ang kuya.

Sige na. Sabihin mo na.

(to himself) Ikaw.

****************

Ilan lang ito sa mga episodes sa buhay ng isang nagdadalagang 34 anyos. Matapos ang kaarawang halos maihampas ng isang latino ang buong katawan ko sa kisame sa kakaitsa sa akin, andito ako ngayon. Muli.

Nagdedeliryo sa usaping ukay at isyu. Nagdidilema kung bibili pa ba ng mga mamahaling eye creams o mananatli na lang sa mga libreng give-aways. Nag-aatubili kung hihintayin ang gabi para maging singganda ni Celestina.

Hindi ko pa alam kung may mga Tiya Aguida pang mga dadaan sa may Jordan Road at mamamalagi sa aming white house. Pero sya, sige't sabihin lang nila kung saan, paano at kailan, at sa modang Sharong hihiwalayan ang babaerong Kiko, hindi ko sila uurungan.

Sa ngayon, pagiisipan ko muna kung paano mapapahupa ang mga namamagang mata sa kapupuyat.

Lab Series eye cream nga po, miss.

Tippin with Vivienne

2008-12-04T02:21:00.009+08:00

So there I was, in my Muji jacket, Tuesday socks and 50-dollar Giordano pointys, striding towards Cornwall House.

Vivienne screamed delightedly upon seeing me. (Or was it me?) I was skeptical at first but she let me strode into her huge dresser as we chatted like hungry-for-gossip ladies of old on basically anything under the fashionable sun.

She was without cares. Except the caveat - look but nay touch.

Fashion is a baby I put up and never put down. She said

And she grew up quite horrendously well, didn’t she? I retorted, while continually suppressing my now overwhelming joy and cupping the virtual drool from my near-orgasmic id.

She did not answer. I was wondering if it was because I without tact uttered the word “horrendous” or, her baby was not a she after all.

While we got into some disagreements, I basically took in everything from this woman of working class origin. Her words, her experiences, her creations were like streams of sunlight flowing through my office windows at 7 o’ clock in the morning.

Twenty years of sex, punk and sedition. Of mini-crinis, tartans and that Sheba gown. Of Dior and the metropolitan suit, tailoring and shoes, Nadia and those laurel leafs above her head.

Of her abhorrence against the mediocrity of today’s fashion.

Of the face that is the most erotic of all.

She told me how the past, the history, the culture of old are instrumental in reshaping the textile. For after all, fashion is all about it – twisting, turning, twitching, tacking, tearing, tieing the textile to tremendous extreme.

She went on to touch a red lavish gown she once wore and said, as if she has always been at peace with the creations all around her, “You have a much better life if you wear impressive clothes.”

I smiled in my quiet disagreement as I secretly touched that yellow mustard gown.

I saw her smirk, in a good way – as if knowing what I thought and did.

But not disagreeing.

*************
The VIVIENNE WESTWOOD A Life in Fashion exhibit will be up in ArtisTree in Cornwall House, Taikoo Place, Quarry Bay, Hong Kong from November 28, 2008 to January 31, 2009.

Her collection is an absolution from hell for those who do not think she is ever wearable.

It is beauty of galactic proportions. Of voluptuous offense.
*************

I bade her farewell, resolved in my heart, soul and mind that I can never afford her.

At this, she gave me the face, with the letters V and W written on it.

And we laughed.

Dating

2008-11-21T14:31:00.004+08:00

Hindi ako maarte pero gusto kong makipag-date.

Gusto kong pag-aralan kung paano ba maghanda para sa isang date – late night movie at Rockwell man o dinner sa may estero ng Escolta.

Mula sa dami ng toothpaste na ilalagay sa sipilyo hanggang sa mismong pagpaplantsa ng medyas at ang pinakamalinis at bacon-free underwear.

Mula sa pagme-mental outline ng mga topics for discussion hanggang sa amount of haha’s na lalabas sa bibig kapag tumawa (with the right level of modulation.)

Mula sa pag-aaral ng tama at di nakapupuwing na pagtingin sa mga mata hanggang sa wastong paghalukipkip sa palaging pumipilantik na mga pinkies.

At marami pang iba.

Nasanay kasi akong makipagkita sa mga taong walang pakialam kung magkaterno ang sinturon at sapatos, tikom ang bibig kapag nakikipag-usap o hindi nakikipag-eye contact dahil laging nakapikit.

Nasanay akong makipag-usap sa dilim. O hindi makipag-usap. Nasanay akong makipag-flirt sa taong hindi ko nakikita. At walang saplot.

Ngayon, gusto kong ma-experience ang ibang level ng pakikipag-niig. Kung saan ang national costume ay mahalaga at plantsado (10%), signipikante ang talent sa pagiging on-time at iba pang good manners at right conduct values (20%), skill sa question and answer portion (30%), at ang mismong audience impact with matching personality to boot (40%).

Syempre, finding the date is a different thing. Isa sa mga bagay na hindi masasagot ni Madam Kollerman.

Moving out. Moving in.

2008-11-03T10:52:00.005+08:00

Maraming naganap these past few days.

Nagsara ng mga kani-kanilang blogs sina Gibo, Pat at...

Nakipaghiwalayan na rin ng landas sa kani-kanilang mga KRs sina Fiona, Mandaya at...

Nagfashion week ang Don at Misiz J.

Basta marami.

At ako.

Lilipat ako.

GULP! Grace Under Lotsa Pressure

2008-10-23T17:54:00.004+08:00

Ayokong magblog ng stress.

Lalo na't marami sa mga blogger friends ko ang sad and separated.

Lalo na't marami sa mga kasama ko sa conference hosting committee ay either may sakit, may emote o naglalaba ng damit.

Lalo na't marami sa mga international participants ang nagrerequest ng dagdag sa subsidy ng kanilang air fare NG mahigit 100US$ EACH! EACH!

Lalo na't marami pa ring papers ang hindi napiprint at tila pupugak-pugak pa ang photocopier na tila ba noong kapanganakan ko nadiscover.

Lalo na't marami pang dapat bayaran at puro utang na libu-libo ang hawak kong pera.

Lalo na't singkapal na ata ng Cream Silk Revitalizing Conditioner ang plema ko sa lalamunan, lungs at wherever.

Lalo na't overpopulated na ng kamot ang bruised braso ko, ng black heads ang pimpled pisngi ko, ng kalyo ang ginger feet ko.

Lalo na't marami pang dapat gawin na hindi pa nagagawa. Lalo na't marami pang dapat kausapin na hindi pa nakakausap.

At wala pa ang gagawa. At wala pang makikipag-usap.

Kung hindi ako. Sa ngayon.

Wag sanang kumulot ang buhok ko, bumagsak ang luha ng bigla-bigla at magtatakbo sa kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue.

Kaya ko 'to.

----

Nagawa nga ng mga baklang tumindig ng maayos at me dignidad mula sa pagkakasadlak sa putikan dulot ng pagtulak sa kanila ng hindi naman sinasadya kahit sinasadya ng mga mahal nila sa buhay.

Nagawa nga nilang magpahid ng luha gamit ang naputikang kamay.

Nagawa nga nilang ngumiti at manatiling maganda.

May ganda sa dignidad. May ganda sa pagbangon. May ganda sa pagtindig.

Talo pa si Miriam Quiambao.

Purified

2008-10-08T08:47:00.003+08:00

Paano mo ba malalamang fulfilled ka? O sige, kahit maligaya man lang?

Kapag nakapagpost ka ng bonggang bongga sa blog - kahit walang nagcomment?

Kapag nagkaron ka ng karelasyon kahit walang sex?

Kapag nakakain ka ng lumpiang sariwa kahit hindi ka kumakain ng gulay?

Wednesday last week, maligayang maligaya ako.

Kasi nakita ko ito.

Manilancholia

2008-09-18T07:52:00.003+08:00

Maraming posibleng dahilan kung bakit ako dapat mabahala ngayon.

Wan, Walang Panahon sa Blog

Ilang araw nang ganito. Gising sa umaga. Baba sa hapag-kainan. Magtry humitit ng kakapiranggot na unsecured wi-fi ni attorney sa kabilang bahay para makapag-internet. Walang masasagap kahit second-hand smoke. Maliligo. Didiretso sa temporary office na malakas ang wi-fi pero habambuhay na menopausal ang lalaking webmaster.

Makaka-connect pero palaging gmail at Eudora lang ang laging nabibisita. Online sa Googletalk, YM, MSN at Skype pero walang chatting.

Nakailang post na sina Jericho, Girard, Kiel, Mugen, Dabo at Kei. Nakailang adbentyurs na si Gibo. Nakailang fashion diaries na si Don. Nakabalik na si Ruff. Me next episode na ang Rosas at si Karina Montefalcon. Lumabas na rin ang resulta ng PR LTE ni Lyka.

At di man lang ako nakapag-comment. At. Hindi. Man. Lang. Ako. Nakapag. COMMENT!

Bago ang huling mammoth post, nakita ko na lang ang aking blog sa lowest depths ng blog roll ng ilang mga blog friends.

Chu, Walang Panahon sa Health

Ilang araw nang ganito. Gising sa umaga. Baba sa hapag-kainan. Magtry magsuot ng pang-jogging.Titingin sa orasan at makikitang 8:00AM na pala. Didiretso sa temporary office na may malapit at murang kainan at lalapang ng buong giting.

Isang beses lang naganap ang running. Sa UP Diliman. Na-meet si Sarah Raymundo na me kasamang estudyante na out of the blue na sinabing estudyante sya ni Sarah. Tinignan ko lang sya, ngumiti at tuloy sa pakikipag-usap kay Sarah.

Isang araw, nalaman kong me swimming pool sa Amoranto. Naghanda ako. Pagdating ko ng 8:00AM, 9:00AM pa raw sila magbubukas. Naghintay ako. Me dumating at nagsabing sarado sila pag Lunes. Tinanong ko kung kelan pa sila sarado, sabi ni Gardo Ermingard (guard sa salitang bayot) na pag may nakasabit na RESERVE. Kelan yon, kako. Pag nakita ko na lang daw.

Sa Sta. Ana me swimming pool din. Pero kulay wasabi.

Nakalimutan ko rin one time ang pakikipaghuntahan kina Kaletra at Kivexa. Tyak na maloloka na naman si Kenny, ang aking dactor from the KB (Kowloon Bay kung saan makikita ang MEGABOX Department Store at ilan pang mga factory outlets ng mga kilalang brands except Martin Margiela at Comme de Garcon.)

Twi, Walang Panahon sa Wealth

Ilang araw nang ganito. Gising sa umaga. Baba sa hapag-kainan. Magbihis matapos kumain. Mapangahas na pagtawid sa makamandag na Quezon Avenue kasi walang malapit na overpass. Bayad ng PHP20 sa tricycle. Bayad ng PHP60 sa lunch.

Okey lang naman. Pero karaniwan. PHP1,000 sa isang tanghalian. PHP500 sa isang hapunan. PHP200 sa taxi.

Hindi lang ako ito. Kasama ang mga kaibigan, kamiting, kapamilya, kapuso at mga mahal sa buhay.

Namili ako minsan sa Parco. Kendi. Cupcakes. Kalabasa seeds. Jellyace. Jus. Presyo: PHP400.

Marami akong dapat ikabahala ngayon. Ang pag-amin ng mga compulsive liars sa US na economically depressed sila. Ang gyerang nagaganap sa Mindanao. Ang tila standstill na kalagayan ng demokrasya sa Burma. Ang pagdoble ng mga may HIV+ sa Maynila at ang fact na age range nila ay 18-26.

Na call centers pa rin ang puntahan ng mga graduates. Ng mga undergraduates. Ng mga professionals.

Maraming dahilan para mabahala. Pero ayokong magsawalang-bahala.

Walang magagawa si batman.

8 Days Until Reymadan

2008-09-11T15:29:00.009+08:00

Something about mammoths that is so me right now.

Big appetite? No.

Hairy? No.

Extinct? No.

Horny.

Extremely.

God help me.

Ang Simula at Huli ng Lahat

2008-08-29T21:56:00.007+08:00

Yan ang moda ko two nights ago.

Bago nagbirthday si Aaron. Matapos kong i-submit ang entry kay Don. Nung pumunta ako ng Volume. Kasama sina Liz at Loven.

Matapos mahawakan ang Cambodian silk. At mabasa ang description. Maisuot at marealize na kailangang hindi na ako dapat lumaki pa. Para masuot sya.

Nung umuwi ako sa bahay. At natulog ng alas dos. At gumising kinabukasan. Pinanood ang Bergerak video documentary (na hindi pa opisyal na nailalabas).

At naglangoy.

----------

Mala-whirlwind romances ni Dolly Carvajal na ubod ng ambisyon ang mga huling araw.

Matapos akong magpanatang hindi ako makikipagtalik sa loob ng isang buwan, kuntodo ang pasok ng mga hinayupak na manliligaw mula sa kung saan-saan.

Naramdaman ko ang paghaba ng aking buhok, mala-Paraluman nung kanyang kabataan, at hinihintay si Pancho Magalona upang umakyat ng ligaw.

Isa lang naman ang habol ng karamihan.

Release.

----------

Hindi ko sila inalintana dahil nangarap akong maging isang modista. O sastre. O sabi nga ng isang kaibigan, mangarap ng higit na mas mataas. Maging katawang bakla ng dyosang si Rei Kawakubo.

Kaya hayun. Gumawa ako ng isang konsepto na kahit ako hindi ko naintindihan.

Natutok ako sa teknikalidad. Pumangit ang isinali. Nawala ang ideya sa karagatan ng nais maperpekto ang gawa.

Ipinasa ko syang malungkot. Kahit masaya ang pangalan ng disenyo: British Picasso on Patchwork.

Ramdam ko ang placing ko sa kontes na to.

Blag!

----------

Sa gitna ng kaguluhan, at maraming gawain, nagagawa ko pang magpalaboy sa internet. Makapagbasa ng blog kahit disoras na ng gabi. Makapaghanap ng posibleng makilala sa Pilipinas.

At sabihin ang aking tunay na pakay. At ang aking kalagayan.

Dito ko narealize: parang ayokong makipagtalik sa mga hindi ko kakilala sa Pilipinas.

Parang ang tanga non. Parang mali.

Parang baliw.

----------

Tulad ng mini-pamphlet na kasama ng huling isyu ng DS magazine:

Kung paano gumamit ng happy drugs (Ecstasy, Ketamine, Cocaine?) safely.

Napakamot ako ng ulo na halos ikinadugo ng aking tuktok:

Safely?

----------

Nalungkot ako dahil hindi na nagawang magmangga ang mga kaibigan ko ng sarili nilang mukha nang makita nila ang minangga kong mukha. Ito:Nawala na kasi ang link.

Pero hindi ko kasalanan.

Sorry.

----------

Parang walang kinalaman ang title sa post na to.

Wala lang.

Ito ba ang tinatawag na freewriting?

Mah.

Bagging the 2008 Philippine Blog Awards?

2008-08-23T12:40:00.004+08:00

I went home last night after a heart-killing, figure-breaking meal of kare-kare, cheese-chunky fruit salad and champorado.

I left a friend to question vodka. But that is a different story altogether. No asking why there.

And then: You got mail!

I was nominated in the Personals Category of the 2008 Philippine Blog Awards!

I broke into a smile but I didn't fidget. We have to play Ada every now and then, right? The nomination is like Dodong staring at you in the face while he flexes his raw muscles in front of you as his pubes peek out of his tight pants.

Your drool start to well up but you contained it by closing your big mouth and turning around.

Okay, wipe that drool off, Kiks!

So after I have spread like Chicken Sandwich my feelings on the matter, I need to ask a favor from you blog friends and readers.

The one who wrote me and told me of my nomination stated that I need to fill out a form and list five of my best posts between April 2007 and April 2008. While I have a few in my head, I would request YOU to tell me what my five best posts are.

I know they are not a lot. But don't we all love to write? Kahit walang sense. Kahit nosebleed.

Syempre, if you don't habit my blog, I don't mind you not writing anything.

August 26, Tuesday, is your deadline.

XXXTra Challenge: Ode to the Old Dinosaur

2008-08-21T15:53:00.007+08:00

(Second of the Three-Part Mini-Series)

ACT I: On Sale

If gay sex were an item for sale, I would be rich by now. Or poor.

Either I would be buying it. Or selling it.

And here in Hong Kong, it will always be on sale. And with free tasting.

I am not an addict. I am just a connoisseur.

And I don’t keep a black book. I have lost count in 2004.

The best items I have gotten so far have already been sold. So I never really purchased. I just borrowed. Or they lent themselves to me.

The lousiest ones were with those of highest quality. It’s like chewing on ivory. They should be reincarnated into figurines.

What is the sense in all this?

Nothing. I think I am just closing shop. Or going bankrupt.

ACT II: Easy

Actually meron. Merong sense.

Hindi madaling maging HIV positive. Kailangang alagaan ang CD4 count (or simply known as immune cells) at mapababa ng husto to undetectable level naman ang viral load (dami ng HIVirus sa katawan.)

Hindi sya madali kasi every quarter of the year ka nang bibisita ke duktor at magpapablood test. Madaling malaman ang CD4 count habang mahirap, matagal at mahal (kahit di ka naman magbabayad) sa pagdetermine ng viral load.

At maloloka ka minsan kapag lower than 200 ang CD4 mo. Ang kaso, sa maraming bansa ang threshold ay itinaas na to 350. Ang last count ko? 348. Good luck!

Once you start taking medications, you don’t stop. Parang Pringles.

I remember how I got it. Sa unang attempt at bareback, I got it instantaneously. Pero one year after ko pa nalaman when I had my urine test in Rainbow Sauna.

With easy sex comes easy everything, including HIV. So, caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware.

ACT III: Extra! Extra!

So I decided finally to give myself the greatest test. A month without sex. Or make it, a month without cum.

Hindi dahil Poz ako. Puh-leez. Hindi dahil gusto kong maging responsible or noble. Puh-leez yet again.

I just want to take control. I just want no distractions. Simple.

I am on my fourth day now.

-------------

Well, until Joona wins the gold, I told him:

"No diving."

The 34 Year Old Gay Virgin - Oda Kay Tandang Sora

2008-08-13T18:40:00.011+08:00

(First of a Three-Part Miniseries)

Nagsisimula ng magsulsi ng mga patadyong si Czarina habang nakapagdesisyon na sa wakas si Lykang maging isang ganap na modista kasama ang iba pang mga kapatid sa labas.

At ako, eto't nagtatahi ng kung ano ang masasabi ko sa aking pagiging 34 anyos at nanatiling birhen - sa usaping relasyon. Aktwali, 33 lang ako. Sa Araw pa ng mga Patay ako tatanda.

Naalala ko tuloy si Ben, ang lalaking akala kong makakapiling ko hanggang aking pagtanda. Four years ago, nagkita kami sa dulo ng bahaghari. Tanging twalya lang ang bahag ko non at dumating sya na tila ba isang naghuhumindig na hari.

Maraming beses kaming nag-ututang dila, in many senses of the word. Hanggang sa huling date namin na kung saan di na namin napigilan ang isa't isa at umabot sa sukdulan ang aming kapusukan.

Ayun nadonselya nya ako. Binuntis. At iniwan.

So kumusta naman?

Hindi naman ako marunong mag-date. Nasanay akong nakatayo sa may hagdanan sa bahay namin sa Pasig habang naghihintay sa pagdating ng aking mga manliligaw.

O sya, hindi totoo yan. Hindi ako sanay makipag-flirt nang may damit. Wala akong talent sa eye-to-eye sa loob ng tren or wherever. At pag pumunta ako sa gay bar, either nagsasayaw lang akong mag-isa o umiinom ng libreng vodka pag Myerkules kasama ang mga friends. Walang flirting.

At ang aking natatanging boylet ay ang nag-iisang 40-Year Old Hindi-Na-Virgin na nagsimula sa Yahoo Messenger at na-meet ko rin four years ago nung umuwi ako sa Manila at nakipag-isang linggong pag-ibig sa kanya. After kong bumalik dito, narealize naming me physical needs kami na hindi namin maibibigay sa isa't isa dahil sa distansya. Hindi naman pwedeng i-DHL ang notes nya no?

Haaay. At aktibista pa ako. Marami bang baklang aktibista? At syempre, mahilig ako sa patatas. Maraming bang baklang aktibista na gawa sa patatas?

Kung usaping encounters of the third eye lang, marami akong ikukwento. Pero kung encounters of the love kind, counseling lang ang kaya kong gawin. At wala na akong maishe-share.

Well, except this one guy na nameet ko sa isang website. Puti. Haling na haling sa kissing scenes. Not socially involved pero mala-kaliwete rin ang opinyon. At poz pa.

Nga lamang, nasa New York ngayon ang loka.

Sus.

Witi Ihimaera, ang dyosa ng gabi sa mga halamanan sa Espanya, ibigay mo sa akin ang iyong kapangyarihan. Tama na, Eartha, sa iyong linyang "I need a man."

Disclaimer

2008-08-09T10:09:00.002+08:00

Wala akong integridad sa tsismis.

Hindi totoong eksperto sa bathhouse ang mahihilig magyosi at magkape.

They flirt best with clothes on. Not sure when they're in trains.

4 Play

2008-08-05T21:01:00.006+08:00

This is tag by jericho24hk, that stupid bitch who is so like the god of the bathhouses here in Hong Kong. I do foreplays, he jumps into the bed right away.Instructions:

What you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...

Click copy/paste, type in your answers and tag four people in your lists!

Don't forget to change my answers to the questions with that of your own

(A) 4 places I go over and over: white house (bahay namin sa Nathan), swimming pool (sa Kowloon Park habang libre), opisina (with or without the laptop), ospital (a permanent refuge). (forget the second path, je.)

(B) 4 people who e-mail me regularly: rabi (isang nepaling me pulang buhok), eman (isang pilipinong walang buhok), giuseppe (isang pranses na maraming buhok sa ilong), kawai (isang hapones na nakita ko na ang buhok sa...)

(C) 4 of my favorite places to eat: ang kolorum na nepali resto sa may jordan (mura na, maraming papa pa), mcdonald's (na merong mga magagandang Hello Kitty na binebenta sa bawat Happy Meal), ichiban (japanese fast food na makakayanan ang lasa ng mumurahing sushi at sashimi), satay king (masarap na reasonably-priced)

(D) 4 places i'd rather be? Canada (andun ang la familia at si mike), Japan (dahil gusto ko talaga sya), Davao (Philippines), swimming pool (isa talaga akong mermaid)

(E) 4 people i think will respond: Bananas, Misiz J, Mico, Reyna Elena

(F) 4 TV shows i could watch over and over: Sailormoon, Grey's Anatomy, QAF, Brothers and Sisters (kasi gusto ng mga kaibigan ko kahit di ko pa napapanood)

Note: Wag maniniwala sa pinagsasabi ni Aa. He does not have sex. He makes love (DAW!)

SATC

2008-08-03T21:19:00.003+08:00

Syoke At The Chatroom.

Mga bading bloggers with a professional life na habang nagtatrabaho ay naisipang magchat. Kahit may concept paper na dapat sulatin, death contract na dapat hanapin, script na dapat tapusin, teleconference na dapat organisahin, piniling magManolo BLAHniks sa favorite virtual resto tungkol sa iba't ibang mga isyung kinakaharap ng bawat badet.

Kahit iba-iba ang mga cultural background, genetic make-up at personal interest, naglaan pa rin ng oras para sa mga once in a lifetime episodes ng kanilang collective chatlife.

At ito ang mga pinag-usapan.

1. Titi
carrie (4:23:30 PM): aba at may conference?
charlotte (4:23:36 PM): tayo lang
Yahoo! Messenger (4:24:24 PM): Miranda has joined the conference.
miranda (4:24:36 PM): dito na ako
charlotte (4:24:42 PM): ganda mo girl
miranda (4:25:03 PM): at nasan ang samantha?
Yahoo! Messenger (4:25:04 PM): Samantha has joined the conference.
samantha (4:26:06 PM): namatayan si Charlotte, mga friends...
carrie (4:26:18 PM): ng?
miranda (4:26:21 PM): ha? sinong namatay?
charlotte (4:26:25 PM): namatayan ng Titi?
samantha (4:26:37 PM): namatayan ng libog?
miranda (4:26:38 PM): di namamatay ang titi

2. Katawan
charlotte (4:28:13 PM): buti pa si Trey... ipanagtanggol ako.... sa paglalait ng iba dyan na Tomboy raw ako
carrie (4:28:29 PM): sinong nagsabi nun?
charlotte (4:28:33 PM): kakainis ang Man boobs ko. Kalokah.
carrie (4:28:35 PM): si Trey, ang bagong lalaking pinagnanasaan ni Charlotte
samantha (4:28:42 PM): ay me man boobs ka na rin? ang dami nyo na....
charlotte (4:28:53 PM): di naman masyadong obvious. pero am working on it
miranda (4:29:06 PM): wala akong man boob. meron akong BOOBS period

3. Relasyon
carrie (4:30:49 PM): ay .. buhay na ulit ang charlotte-harry tandem?
charlotte (4:30:50 PM): chos!
samantha (4:31:03 PM): as en?!
miranda (4:31:08 PM): ay buhay na naman!
samantha (4:31:16 PM): it slike carrie-aidan love team! mwahahaha
carrie (4:31:26 PM): gaga ka miranda
samantha (4:31:27 PM): revelations ba ito?!
miranda (4:31:37 PM): or aleksandr-carrie love team!
charlotte (4:31:39 PM): aidan pala ha
samantha (4:31:41 PM): issue!
charlotte (4:31:46 PM): as in may aleksandr pa
charlotte (4:31:52 PM): isama na rin si jack
carrie (4:31:52 PM): lokah
miranda (4:31:58 PM): or jack-carrie love team!
miranda (4:32:06 PM): (vomits)
charlotte (4:32:07 PM): malandi pala ang carrie? daming Internet BF's
carrie (4:32:27 PM): hindi naman BFs. mga manliligaw lang
samantha (4:32:33 PM): ay naging issue na nga
charlotte (4:33:28 PM): how about the Steve-Carrie loveteam? pwede bang eh revive?
samantha (4:33:34 PM): hahahahahaha. ay alam ni charlotte?

4. Men
charlotte (4:34:42 PM): pero in fairy ness.... type ko si Jerrod.... kung pamhinta lang sana
carrie (4:35:51 PM): miranda..magiging pamhinta ba si jerrod?? in this lifetime??
miranda (4:36:18 PM): never...kapag nangyari yun, its like reversal na ang climate change
carrie (4:36:54 PM): hahaha .. sorry charlotte.. magkaka-pekpek muna si Jerrod bago sya maging pa-mhin
charlotte (4:37:09 PM): okay lang. mukha lang naman ang type ko
miranda (4:37:16 PM): but he is cute, no question abt that
charlotte (4:37:26 PM): Rocky Salumbides ang dating. parang balot vendor.... na pang model

5. Top or Bottom
miranda (4:42:22 PM): gagah...top ako...di ko feel ang bottom, masakit sa pwet
charlotte (4:42:24 PM): si samantha ba bottom din?
miranda (4:42:34 PM): si samantha? fathomless
carrie (4:42:40 PM): si samantha ay everywhere..parang GOD!
miranda (4:42:46 PM): hahaha
carrie (4:42:50 PM): or 7-11
miranda (4:43:18 PM): charlotte top ka ba?
samantha (4:43:36 PM): gagah, miranda. i can be anything my man wants me to be. chos!
charlotte (4:43:52 PM): versace ako samantha, gagah
carrie (4:44:22 PM): versa si charlotte.. pwede rin sa unan
samantha (4:44:42 PM): si carrie, sasquatch! chos!

6. Loss
charlotte (4:48:09 PM): kakainis... namatayan kasi ako
miranda (4:48:23 PM): sinong namatay?
charlotte (4:48:36 PM): tapos... wala akong ma-ikwentuhan... dahil ang mga sisters... either nasa trabaho.... or tulog na
miranda (4:48:37 PM): d black guy with the big dick?
charlotte (4:48:46 PM): kaya ako sad. yun na yun. tapos si Carrie.... may meeting pa. chooooos!
miranda (4:49:10 PM): ....and u were not having an affair with this deceased person?
charlotte (4:49:21 PM): anova yan? si Miranda tlaga... daming alam
miranda (4:49:34 PM): hahaha
samantha (4:49:36 PM): hmmmmn
carrie (4:49:39 PM): hmmmmmm

7. Relasyon
samantha (5:08:28 PM): sa ating lahat, ako lang ang birhen sa relasyon. si carrie, forever virtual. si miranda, relationship on air.
carrie (5:08:54 PM): hoy ... hindi naman virtual yung last year
samantha (5:09:00 PM): si charlotte... malaysia Pakistan. ano ba Charlotte?
carrie (5:09:12 PM): si charlotte.. relationship ON HOLD
charlotte (5:09:13 PM): wahahaha

8. Sex
charlotte (5:09:42 PM): basta alng alam ko... ang last dyug ko ay Januray pa
samantha (5:09:50 PM): oh my god, talaga charlotte? no kiddeng?!
charlotte (5:10:04 PM): yea
miranda (5:10:09 PM): josko day, baka malaglag na yang titi mo at maging pickles na
charlotte (5:10:14 PM): i dont like sex that much anymore. iba ang hinahanap ko
samantha (5:10:22 PM): day, magtinda ka na ng sago't gulaman na me chendol
charlotte (5:10:31 PM): gaga ang samantha
samantha (5:10:33 PM): sana i can say that statement today until the end of time
miranda (5:10:52 PM): sige, jan si charlotte. e si samantha?
samantha (5:11:00 PM): kahapon
miranda (5:11:04 PM): si carrie?
samantha (5:11:15 PM): ikaw, miranda? i cannot answer for carrie
miranda (5:11:26 PM): ako? may
samantha (5:11:37 PM): si carrie, after ko....
carrie (5:11:44 PM): I don't do sex .. I make love
miranda (5:11:45 PM): mali, i was in bangkok! so june pala
carrie (5:14:08 PM): ano na pinag-uusapan???
samantha (5:14:17 PM): ano ang pinaguusapan ka dyan. nagreact ka na sa separate message box no?!
miranda (5:14:48 PM): hoy carrie. tuga na. kelan ang huling jug mo?
carrie (5:15:03 PM): kanina

Exorcising This Fashion Demon

2008-08-01T10:01:00.011+08:00

Ayuku na ng distractions kaya isosolat ko na sya.

Last Monday, I met up with a friend, who also happens to be the daughter of an activist friend. She grew up in Holland making her upbringing and taste for clothes very Dutch. We met in Times Square, a place where the word Giordano would be unheard of unless you brazenly clutch someone else's back and see if the shirt was bought from Giordano Concepts or at least one of those on sale.

I was surprised to see myself talking about fashion with her for two hours straight as if it were my cup of tea, my bread and butter, my life - when I could not even bring myself to Times Square and walk with bags of newly bought clothes. All I could do was reach orgasm just by looking at Camper shoes and Muji clothes, nothing more. And then I would wipe my drool away and wake up to reality.

During that two-hour chat, I was lambasting Hong Kong for its horrendous sense of fashion while applauding Japanese people for their great contemporary taste. My friend retorted that Filipinos don't have any sense of fashion at all. There is no such thing as a trend in the country.

I gave her the dead malice and went on to rant about Hong Kong: colored Intifada scarves that do not look normal on someone else's neck given it's 35 degrees hot here; kurtina laces turned into dresses, tops and what have you; pants that cost like a domestic helper's monthly wage yet look so normal, so ordinary; brands that do not really matter.

What has Britain turned the Hong Kong people into? Brand-hungry animals who look no less than the equally horrendous, unwearable fashion that they are. I read reviews of last London's Winter Collection and I felt relieved. I was proven right.

Of course, the roricon influence on the Japanese is still very much alive. The hiphop sense that remains senseless, almost non sequitur in warm, tropical Philippines. The individuality driven in the heads of Hong Kong young adults (as in other countries, perhaps) that being different is the way to go. YET, being and dressing so differently in what seems like a chaos has turned them all to look drably, sadly, much to my very chagrin, the same.

Imperialism has turned our city kids into mindless freaks of fashion, of pop, of anything so jejunely different. Imperialism wants city kids to love capitalism and to believe that it is the end of history through this almost anarchic sense of trendisms and individualist style that soon enough will lose meaning in the wake of the food crisis.

And hell with eco-friendisms. Their clothes remain expensive. And hell with fashion magazines who have nothing else in mind but follow their Western counterparts and showcase local fashion gods and goddesses most of whom have nothing in between their brains except seamed medulla oblongatas (okay, some do.) And hell with all these new fashion products when after a few years they will all go back to the most natural, most organic that is water, eating good food and exercising every day.

The ones setting this trend are the Marie Antoinettes of our time who know nothing about poverty, except getting sad for those poor thin people with flies fluttering like death around them. Or maybe they are aware and they would all like to be Princess Dianas. Or KCs.

Ask them about the rice crisis and a quick, prompt reply would be nothing more than: "Yeah... (and another five seconds of)...."

Enough. I have ranted enough. No rationalizing. Back to work.

08.08.88

2008-07-29T11:23:00.014+08:00

How well do we remember things?

Some of us list down tasks or birthdays in our calendars. Others put on alarms in their cellphones. A lot more are downloading over-rated stuff on the net just to help them keep score with things they want and do not really need.

Burmese people do not need to download anything because they will always remember. It only takes four digits: eight-eight-eighty-eight (8-8-88).

That was when the students of the All Burma Student Democratic Front led protest actions together with many groups against the State Peace and Development Council, known to many as the infamous, dictatorial and fascist military government. That was the first time that a unified action has been taken by the people of Burma against its government since the latter took over in 1962.

Weeks after the protest actions, the military started arresting, killing, detaining, torturing, abducting, hamleting, subjugating, oppressing the people they have until the present mouthed to protect and serve.

Twenty years after, the same things are happening and yet the people have not wavered. They continue to fight for the memory of loss, of devastation, of hunger, of struggle, of resistance remains as graphic as the present day.

For no memory was lost. It was carried on.

This Friday, August 1, I will be joining friends in the Hong Kong Coalition for a Free Burma in setting up the banners (see pictures) along the busy streets of Hong Kong to show our solidarity with our Burmese brothers and sisters, to help the local people continually remember the ongoing situation in Burma, and to remind the Burmese government that we have not and will never forget.

The 8th of August, 2008 marks the opening of Beijing Olympics. For the Burmese people, it is the memory of a struggle unfinished. And to be continued. And won.

Numbers are not easy to forget. When they mean so much to a people.

Pictures of the Gay-zha

2008-07-21T20:50:00.018+08:00

This post is a collection of pictures from my last trip to Japan. Some came from good friend, Bill Hackwell of ANSWER Coalition. Salamatchiwa!

A Temple in Kyoto
(walking distance from subway. Breathtaking!)

Japanese Youth Activists Chanting Slogans
(Sa sobrang hahaba, breathtaking din!)

An Anarchist Drummer's Behind
(Why do they always have nice smooth - siiiigh - backs?)

The Police Sandwich Scheme
(Panis ang iskemang ito! So exagg!)

25 Billion Yen Worth of Police Security
(Lahat na lang pagdududahan, paggagastusan! Zebrang EXAGG!!)

Yamamoto-San
(The girlfriend is the one on the right. So much for - our forbidden - love.)

Fierce
(O ako na yan. Chos!)

Genzou-san
(Ramdam ang lukso ng berdeng dugo. Ang keeper ng tunay na feslak ng manchung nakablack - ng aking second Yamamoto-San. Haaaay.)

I have to admit. Bukod sa matinding galit ko sa imperyalismo at sa G8, si kuyang nakablack ang inspirasyon at motivation sa tila Long March of Hokkaido.

Sya ang aking morning dew sa umagang kayganda. Ang breath of fresh air paglabas mula sa nakaka-suffocate na tent. Ang lagok ng tubig sa matinding kapaguran. Ang aking red bull. Ang dahilan kung bakit nakakaya kong kumain ng isang buong kamatis at araw-araw na paghigop ng miso.

Haaay, Genzou, ipadala mo na ang picture. Arigato guzaimasu.

Becoming Woods Comma Elle

2008-07-18T11:18:00.005+08:00

Aminin mo na, lahat tayo pinangarap maging si Elle: sexy, eksperto sa pagpapaganda at me boypren na Warner. Karamihan sa atin kasi, nagpapaseksi kahit luwa pa rin ang love handles, trying hard maging expert sa pagpapaganda (kasi mahal ang Obagi) at naghahangad ng papang naka-Warner.

Maraming time na nagtatatakbo tayo ke Papa. Offering everything, karaniwan datung, or understanding or freedom (meron ba nun?) para lamang ma-prove na we are seriously in love with him.

Katulad ni Elle sa musical version ng Legally Blonde, we are so nakakatuwa at nakakatawa na minsan akala ng iba hindi tayo nagseseryoso o ang hirap nating maseryoso. Parang kulang na lang, sabihin lagi ng audience, spectators, tambay o kahit yung kapitbahay na laging nakatanghod sa kung ano ang susunod nating gagawin:

"Ambakla-bakla mo..."

Pero deadma sa sinasabi ng iba. Laging me pang-Miss Gay na sagot tayo sa lahat ng mga umaatake. At always, lagi tayong me refuge, me Greek chorus - ang ating mga bayot friends, like Elle's sorority mates in Delta Nu.

At minsan darating ang time, tulad sa buhay ni Elle, na makikita natin ang tunay na kulay ni mhin at palalayain na natin sya. At kapag nag-uumapaw na ang ating success, sa kung anumang facet ng buhay natin ito, at nagkukumahog si mokong na bumalik, asking the question: How about love?

Oh mee god na lang ang isasagot mo. Unless ipinanganak ka ng late 1960s hanggang 1970s at ang isasagot mo nama'y, "Beh, buti nga!"

Pero kung mas matanda ka pa ron, magiging Meryl Streep ka at kakanta ng: The Winner Takes It AAAAAAAALL! habang humaharap sa seas, nililipad ng hangin ang scarf mo kasabay ng luhang tumatagktak, nakatapak sa mga rocks at nakatalikod kay Pierce Brosnan.

Maganda ang musical. Parang life ng mga bakla, except funner.

(Youtube lang ang katapat nyan kung di mo pa nakikita.)

Of Anime Dreams

2008-07-13T00:06:00.008+08:00

The dream that was Japan has finally come true. I was going and go I did.

First stop was Kyoto, a beautiful place with houses and buildings not going beyond five storeys high as well as streams and big trees engulfing temples and national parks.

My friend’s rented apartment looked exactly like those traditional houses I saw in Akira Kurosawa’s films except the sliding doors were made of glass and lock installations were out of this world, if not much more innovative than ours.

Convenience stores, of course, were abundant in the middle of night for those craving for sushi, ramen and Yakult (which apparently has more to offer than the small bottle containing lactobacilli Shirota strain).

The sento, or the public bath, was not to be missed out – taking me several visits to finally focus on the towels and shampoo bottles on the men’s heads instead of something else.

The politeness was definitely worth-mentioning with the word sumimasen, much like Hong Kong’s m’goi, being mentioned albeit more frequently.

Looking at the landscape, the lamp and electricity posts, the nature of the houses and by their sheer order, I thought that Philippines would have been like Kyoto, if not the whole of Japan, if all the dirt on the streets and in our government have been completely rid of.

The G8

The Hentai dream was soon to become a mere illusion, a nightmare I woke up from.

Japan has been in a long period of recession, passing them into the age of depression – much like the United States in the 1930s. Food and other products were getting more expensive than they already are, unemployment rate is high with 33% of irregular workers composed of fresh graduates and young people, suicides across all ages were simply alarming.

I was of course there not as Sailormoon aiming to save the Japanese people from debilitating hopelessness but as a friend and supporter, activist and solidarity comrade against the G8 that happened in Lake Toya, Hokkaido.

For five consecutive days, with the first two happening in Sapporo and the next three along the highways going to Lake Toya, we marched for a minimum of two hours, with Japanese slogans profusely flowing like hot lava from our mouths, banners, flags and shirts that rallied calls against the G8, and nori-wrapped sticky rice and ripe tomatoes to feed on at the end of these marches.

Nights were allotted for sharing and discussing concerns, expressing solidarity and developing networks for bigger campaigns and actions in the future.

The Ainus

I was invited by our member student organization, which joined a big group of anti-imperialist and anti-G8 groups who organized the 3-day camp-out and protest.

The Ainus, Japan’s indigenous people residing mostly in Hokkaido, were part of the organizers. As their reception to us was warm, their sentiments toward the Japanese diet and the G8 were of immense rage and hatred.

They hated the Japanese diet with a passion for it grabbed their land away from them. Having fought for this inherent right for such a long time, they were faced with sheer arrogance and neglect as well as brute military force. Much like the oh-so exaggerated deployment of military and police force as if the Bozanians were to attack Lake Toya and Voltes V was in the carburetor shop.

While some of the Ainu leaders negotiated with the diet to recognize them as an indigenous people, some were more upfront and led the protest.

They called for a summit of their own, calling the G8 Summit a farce and its leaders as the root cause of climate change, the food crisis and all the world’s problems. Something not one has to exaggerate about.

The Irony

While there in the camp, I observed how the Japanese activists were very conscious of the food they ate - not leaving even a speck of rice or a sliced pickled ginger in the plastic container. They brought their own chopsticks and bowls and segregated the trash into the combustibles and non-combustibles.

They said that they would rather cook than eat outside because it was more economical, not to mention that they too were feeling the economic crunch.

On my last night in Kyoto, activist friend Hana brought me to a 100-yen sushi shop to eat, yes, sushi. There we had 1,000 yen (10 US$) worth of sushi and takoyaki balls.

Cheap, I happily uttered. It is probably your salmon, he answered.

Those words rang in my head over and over that it took me hours before I could sleep.

It was like he implied to me that their heads too were being turned by their imperialist government – being pampered to an extent so as not to complain. That they are made to see beautiful meadows, fields and seas as others were exploited, plundered and owned. That social turmoil only exists in Africa, not in Namagasake, Osaka – where workers were abused and exploited, but fighting and resisting. Or elsewhere in Japan, like Okinawa where the US military basing and raping teenage women are okay with the diet.

So much for Hello Kitty. The Bozanians actually lived among us.

Pagbabalik-loob

2008-07-04T10:08:00.003+08:00

I begged myself from not doing it but I still did.

If there ever were a place not to go to GO (gay ogling), it will be Japan.

Jusco 10 Dollar Shop, the place was teeming with oh-so-gorgeous men! From bald to bushy-haired, men from early 20s to mid 40s, from those in suits and pointy leather shoes (seem popular here) to those just in casuals. The metro was more than enough to keep the eyes full yet begging for more.

And to think I am just in Kyoto. The beautiful temples, those old houses, the breathtaking mountain ranges and hills that serve as backdrop to them 4-storey flats and the silent roads that remind me of Haruka Murakami and anime films will just have to wait. (They will have their fair share in future posts.)

For now, it is the eating of words that I just spewed a few days ago.

Sya, nagkamali ako, Mandaya. At walang emancipationg magaganap, Kawadjan. Deadma na sa profundity, Gibo.

I love Japan.　I hate the G8.

An Elegy to Gay Ogling

2008-07-02T09:26:00.005+08:00

Badet 1: Zayla mezzi Cheverru? Manchu, day!

Badet 2: Waz.

Badet 1: Waynamachiwa?

Badet 2: Waaku inchez za utarakang wa inchez za akey.

One thing I gathered from all these years of gayness: I just can't be too physically interested in so many men.

Eyes dart left and right, back and front - as if peripheral vision becomes the norm (which a good friend has eventfully perfected.)

Physical beauty remains reigning supreme in the sea of green blood (if taken literally would mean the profuse gatheration of sulphur in the blood - good thing it isn't to be taken as such) that unfortunately, like in Wicked: a musical friends introduced me to, even has a green one left out.

So I strutted along the treacherous, torturous road to ultimate liberation with the thought - I would not be interested in a man who is not interested in me.

Jaded. Bitter. Ugly. These could possibly be the words being spewed out of a reader's mouth once they reach the paragraph above.

I am way past ugliness now. I am no longer bitter. And I don't think of myself as jaded.

While I enjoy watching my friends being snatched out of the dance floor while others straightforwardly kiss a stranger in the dead of night, I relish being in the background.

I would enjoy being snatched away, too. Or kissing a stranger.

And I do enjoy snatching someone away. Or being kissed.

But the point of the matter here is, I am done looking at men on the streets or anywhere else. I am closing down my gaydar just for the sake of world peace, and my peace of mind.

Imagine: if we were all children of Professor Charles Xavier and Xaviera Hollander, BEHOLD the ultimate in mental masturbation, third eye voyeurism and telepathic intercourse.

I stick with being Kitty Pryde.

------

I have nirvanically accepted that in the world I live in, (gay) men come in less than a trickle.

For M

2008-06-27T09:03:00.004+08:00

I saw him one time on the streets of Mendiola and I was stunned - he was wearing nothing but ragged clothes, no shoes, and dirty with tar and grime. But he was performing there and then, with a lot of young and old on an issue affecting the Filipino workers.

He is a great ballet dancer, a choreographer and a cultural activist. Since then, he had me hooked on cultural performances. He was my idol.

This year he was supposed to come to Hong Kong to jointly lead with me the cultural department of two conferences we were arranging.

I was excited that he would. I got sad when he couldn't. I got much sadder when I knew why he couldn't.

He is HIV positive, like me. And he is in the Philippines.

Comrades and friends told me that he had lymphoma and that several procedures need to be done on him as well as a whole cabinet of medications to be provided.

Thing is, he is a full-time activist and volunteer for a cultural organization. It simply means one thing: he cannot stay any longer than 2 minutes in any Philippine hospital since everything has been privatized and a good health is tantamount to churning out a good amount of wealth.

Pag wala kang pera, maghintay ka na lang.

But I refuse to believe that people die without a fight. Amidst the sheer ignorance and the discrimination propagated by the state itself, people like M deserve to be treated with respect as well as a strong dosage of state-sponsored health service.

The Human Immunodeficiency Virus debilitates one person. But the negligence of the state kills much faster.

I say this because I am here in Hong Kong getting the medications I need, due to the assertion made by people both in and out of the medical field for government attention and funding on health. I think we can do that too in the Philippines.

For now, while we are trying to fry some ideas in the back of our heads on how we are going to do this, I appeal to everyone who has read this blog post and/or knows M to help out. The comments box will be open for any suggestions or contributions. I will post a bank account in my side bar for anyone who would be willing to make any donations.

People may doubt this so I am outting myself for M. I can live through the discrimination but my friend M, he needs to live.

How to Make the Pain Go Away

2008-06-08T22:57:00.006+08:00

More than a month ago, I visited a favorite place, by force - the Queen Elizabeth Hospital.

Doctors found out that my haemoglobin level was down by less than half the normal count and I would see myself, much to my chagrin, receiving one of two unwanted long ones: a needle thick enough to deflower my main vein.

For a few days there, I was experiencing pain somewhere in my body and it was hard to endure.

Until I witnessed the light, until I reached buddhistic heights. And I conquered pain.

How?

1) Intellectualize.

If pain were human, he'd be a cretin.

My head was aching, throbbing like my heart became bloated and insisted itself to sit beside my brain. And I asked:

Me: Am I feeling pain?
Pain: Yes you are.
Me: Where am I feeling it?
Pain: Here, in the brain.
Me: Left or right part?
Brain: ....

He walked out on me.

And yes, he would be male.

2) Be selfless.

You remember those jokes about all parts of the body enjoying a conversation? I did that, too.

I taught them magnanimity. And they all wanted to share in the feeling of pain.

Pain is a selfish bastard. He simply could not take it.

3) Be humble.

Accept the fact that there are things in life that are long yet unenticing.

And one simply has to take it just because.

Yes, I was talking about the second thing:

the endoscopy tube.

TAG-umpay Nating Lahat!

2008-06-05T21:46:00.007+08:00

Simulan ba ang pagbabalik-loob sa blogosphere with a TAG?

Oo, kasi alangan namang patulan ko ang isyung race-sex sa pagtagumpay ng negritong si Obama kay jilted woman runner Hilary.

Oo, kasi alangan namang magpakadalubhasa ako sa pagdodrowing ng mga Beijing Olympics characters na sina Bei-bei, Jing Jing, Nini, Dodong at Tomtom habang nagtatampisaw sa mga Rusyanong napapadpad sa bahaging ito ng syudad Hong Kong.

Oo, kasi friend at kumare ko si Maruja. At kailangan na talagang simulan.

Kaya nung matanggap ko ang lalaking ito:Nagpakatagal muna ng konti at sinimulan. Lima sa mga fellow diarists ko ang dapat makatanggap nito at sila ay sina:

1. Rye
2. Steve
3. Jericho
4. Gibo
5. Ruff (kasi malapit na birthday nya!)

Dalawa ang pwedeng pindutin - either ang papang anarkista mula sa Venezuela o si Julio Iglesias Jr.

Pagkapindot sa kanila, gumawa na ng sariling glitterfy effect sa mudra, papa, lola or any other chorva. At i-post. And then mention 5 names na nasa blog roll mo. And let them suffer the consequences, too.

Oo na. Puro lalaki na naman ang nandito. Pero ano ang magagawa ko, kailangang magcatch ng attention. Gudbay!

Parang moda nitong glitterfy: ano ang glamorous para sa yo, ano? Mga lalaki bang me malalaking dibdib at ari? Si Gloria Diaz ba? Kahirapan? Chos.

Ka Bel

2008-05-21T10:18:00.002+08:00

He made me laugh. He made me think. He humbled me.

Like my friend Ina, it may take a while to refer to him in the past tense.

I will surely miss Ka Bel.

Happy Hong Kong People

2008-05-04T08:39:00.005+08:00

Last Friday was different.

The sky was a bit dark. It was damp. Scattered drizzles and rains here and there.

And I had to rush to the bank to withdraw and pay a hefty amount of bills.

The line was loooong. And to top it, HSBC just had to separate Personal Accounts from Business Accounts and PowerVantage. Lucky for me, I was in the Business Accounts line and it was shorter and a bit faster (if a slug were to outrace a sloth.)

But while I was about to complain (even if I didn't have to), I was stopped by the unusual atmosphere in the area.

People were glued to the two huge screens situated in the middle of the bank. They were watching it intently. And they WERE smiling. During and even AFTER they have seen the news on TV.

The strongest JIF or Clorox would fail wretchedly in wiping that smile off their faces.

And I remember it was the Olympic Torch Relay in Hong Kong that day.

And I smiled amidst the whole whatever of Darfur, the Olympic-related slavery and Tibet.

It is not an everyday sight - Hong Kong people smiling.

172nd Post

2008-05-01T10:21:00.001+08:00

I am so happy I can't post.

Ang Hindi Pinag-Isipang I Will Survive

2008-04-22T18:33:00.003+08:00

Nasayla ko sa introductory post ng isang kasapi ng www.guys4men.com.

Natuwa akong hindi.

Pasensya na muna, Jan-jan. Kailangan ko lang i-post ito:

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
when you said you had 10 inches Lord
I almost died,
but I'd spent oh so many years just
waiting for a man that long,
that I grew strong, and I knew that
I could take you on.

But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a big Mac and you've
bought me a french fry,
I should have known that it was
bull shit, just a sad pathetic dream,
should have known there was no
anaconda lurking in those jeans.

Go on now go, walk out the door,
don't you promise me 10 inches then
turn up with only 4,
weren't you a prat to think I
wouldn't catch you out,
don't you know we're only joking
when we say size doesn't count.

Chorus:
I will survive, I will
survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries, My
sex life's gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex with a
handful of latex,
I will survive,
I will survive...
hey hey.

It took all my self control not to
laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner
standing short and proud,
But to hell with all your egos and
to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a
cordless multispeed.

Go on now go, walk out the door,
don't you promise me 10 inches then
turn up with only 4,
weren't you a prat to think I
wouldn't catch you out,
don't you know we're only joking
when we say size doesn't count.

VSMMC Scandal: Now Tell Me Who Shames This Country

2008-04-18T17:38:00.005+08:00

Nai-blog na ni Empress Maruja ang isyu tungkol sa Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center scandal. Sa mga di pa nakaka-alam, ito ang link.

Nanggagalaiti ako ngayon pero di ko papuputukin ang mga veins ko para sa kanila. Hindi ko hahayaang mamatay ako para lang makapanatili ang mga yan (involved doctors, staff and the hospital itself, including the asshole who uploaded it in youtube and those who kept the video in their cellphones and still circulating it). And yes, not to mention that bad-ass bastard na ipinasok yung canister sa kanya.

The victim is doubly humiliated and violated.

Marami tayong pwedeng magawa hinggil dito. Iniisip ko:

1) ilabas ang mga pangalan ng mga yan at manawagang alisin sa kagyat ang kanilang mga lisensya;

2) i-reprimand ang ospital, its owner and administrators, for letting this scandal past their noses;

3) i-raise ang concern hinggil sa hospital etiquette sa international level. I-condemn ang iskandalong ito.

Punyeta, nagpapakahirap tayong magpakatao tapos ganyan lang ang gagawin nila.

Ngayon, naniniwala ako sa sinabi minsan sa akin ni Oca Atadero, dating taga-pangulo ng PRO-GAY: May karapatan tayong magalit. At lumaban.

Mi Ultimo Echos

2008-04-09T00:00:00.003+08:00

Adios Petra Echosera.
Maggu-gudbay na ba akong talaga?
Malaysia Pakistan, ganun na nga sya.
Lumipad sa nirvana - kasama ang iba pa.

Ito ang eulogy post na pinagkaisahan ng ilan sa atin at inoffer sa iba.

Me nagbite sa dust. Me na-scared to death at wit umagree. Me nandeadma (di lang sumagot.)

Isang linggo lang kasi ang paalala. Namove ever pa. Kaya sight na lang natin kung sino ang umepek sa collective posting na to.

Before I got to heaven, nathinking aloud ko lang na masaya marahil ang November 1 sa mga baklang nategras. All Chos Day in all heaven, hell and limbo.

Mula sa panahon nina Plato at Socrates na nagde-declaim at nagpo-poetry reading habang naggo-going greek hanggang kina Freddie Mercury at Divine na performance level sa lahat ng concerts doon - FOR FREE!

Haaay, I can't wait. Pero wait, wag muna ngayon.

-----

Sa mga naghuling paalala at modang eulohiya, basahin sina:

Gibo ng Window Exit na nagpapaalalang huwag syang saksakan ng formalin or any toxic chemicals bilang pagiging totoo sa kanyang call to save Mother Earth (and his natural figure) bukod pa sa iba pang bilin.

Jericho ng Kape't Yosi na iningglis ang mala-jenine-desideratang eulogy patungkol sa kanya: ang Mama's Boy, ang Papa's Girl, ang plant na hindi, at never pinalampas ang Gloriang Beelzebubba kahit sa kunwaring last post nya.

Misiz J ng reigningMiSiZ sa kanyang ultimate musical on earth mode for a eulogy, haluan pa ng Regine Velasquez grand appearance for a grand finale. Sinong tatalo?

Lyka of The Lyka Bergen Show naman ang nagmoda ng eulohiya para sa kanyang natsuging twin brother, si LaNce: ang lalaking me fes pero owing so much ang personality sa kanya. Mysteriosa ang moda kaya basahin na!

----

At ang Eulogy Post ko?

Namatay Ng Hindi Naging Asin. AS IN!

Tatay Has Come Out

2008-04-05T04:49:00.002+08:00

No, Tatay is not gay.

He was just discharged from the hospital this afternoon.

Finally!

From Brampton with Lust, Love and Life

2008-03-28T20:41:00.016+08:00

I agree, the title is not even close to a Joni Mitchell line.

But life has never been this better. The weather report had us expecting bad snow but good Sun came up to greet me. Canadian meteorologists can be wrong, too. A good thought.

Canada is coming up squirrels and more tolerable South Eastern winds. Snow by the sidewalk is slowly melting while there has been no more sight of black ice. Sun's heat can now be truly felt.

The decision to stay away from the laptop, and hence blogging, was tough but worthy of glorious consequences that came with it. My five senses have been revitalized and my sense of self renewed.

Seeing and Hearing

Niagara Falls was beautiful upclose. Mads and I were joking that if we fell in the waters, we'd die immediately of hypothermia before even reaching the fathoms below. Aside from the waters, Niagara has a other things to offer: a bird conservatory, Maid of the Mist boat ride (closed due to snow build up by the river) and something else. Except for the maple syrup, though, most souvenirs were made from China or Bangladesh.

Union Station is a sight to behold - and a place to sit and drink coffee while watching all those busy feet strutting in and out of subway's turnstiles and revolving doors. The PATH, somewhat starting from this station, was Toronto's underground walkway and a community of shops, fast food and business. Think it bursting with life while Toronto's streets run barren and cold during winter.

The CN Tower and a part of forever busy Toronto was beautiful from afar. Mike brought me there and we walked through black ice and wet marshes and by gorgeous red sumacs and hip-swaying ducks, swans and geese. It was cold that day but tolerable as a warm hand was just nearby.

Smelling and Tasting

Mads and I checked out the 360 Restaurant in CN Tower and regalled ourselves with the 4-cheese apperitif. We smelt, tasted and enjoyed every bite of goat, cheddar, edam and bleu while looking over the whole city from above. It was the experience, we both agreed, worth-tasting.

Mike and I drove to Cheese Boutique, a place near Runnymede. While we both agreed that the chefs were hefty and possibly had hot cheeses to offer, we settled for the real stinky cheeses instead. Even Heinz's spotted dick has to settle back in the cupboard again.

Mads is straight and married. Mike is gay and single. Both are friends.

After the cheese-filled togetherness, Mads and I talked about how we never got to do it. Over ham and cheese one night, Mike and I talked about we, Mads and I, never got to do it.

At some point in those two conversations, we laughed. Laughter after all, three of us agreed, was a good aftertaste.

Touching and Feeling

Tatay is getting better by the day. He is a lot nimbler and everyone in the seventh floor loves him.

But as strong-willed as he is, Tatay is just as stubborn. The nurses of St. Michael's have been forewarned.

Two times, a Brampton hospital went on Code Yellow when Tatay left his bed with his IV meter - first, to a different floor which he said was cooler and more comfortable to sleep in; and second, to Tim Horton's where he said he would buy coffee.

Alas, fathers are simply hard to father these days!

Walang Eklatan sa Baklang Pagmamahal

2008-03-17T20:11:00.010+08:00

So dami talagang kyeme pag relasyong manchuman (M2M) ang major topic ng mga Pinoylla Gays.

Hindi ba dahil hindi ito staple sa ating mga badaf-badaf-forever unlike mga titing nagkalat sa kalye?

Imagine, parang kanin ang titi sa mga bakla. Dahil sa patuloy na paggamit sa kanya (mabibig man, mapakamay, mapapuwitan o kung anik anik na lang), nag-evolve sya in the most glamorous way: from nouns like ari, burachiwa, tarugz, notrilya and notes to adjectives like margo, flag ceremony to the highest level and dakota harrison to welcome rotonda and BACK!

Pero pag usaping relasyon, relasyon lang sya.

Syempre me definition pa raw na nagaganap: open ba o close? purely sexual lang ba o platonic? (PLATONIC?!!!) fur real or fur something w-h-a-t-ever?

Pero still, sa mata at puso ng isang ganap na pilipinong bakla: a long and lasting love (lalalala) ang tanging kahulugan ng salitang relasyon. AT WALA NG IBA.

Kaya kapag nandun ka na sa stage na yon, hmmm, napapaisip ka. Naguguluhan. Nababaliw. Napapakagat sa ring finger habang thinking out loud: Eenter ba akez? What ef he levz me? True love na ba itu? Baka pwet ko lang ang habol nya? Pano pag me nasayla syang iba at iwan akez? HOW HOW ZE ZHORAVAO?!!

Haay, tayong mga pinoy badets talaga, maraming isyus. Sa lahat ng asians, tayo ang may pinakamaraming drama at qualms. Talo pa ang mga Inggles ng UK sa tindi ng kaekekan sa buhay. (Hindi ka maekek, Ekra ha? Sadya lang marami sa atin ang ganyan.)

Deadma muna sa mga pinoy-pinoy love affairs, gorrah tayez sa i love a potato man because it is rich in carbo chuvanezz.

Ito ang mga relasyong naencounter kez: B & R (Canadian 38 and Chinese 37 on for 15 years). P & C (Greek 42 and Thai 39 on for 25 years). G & D (Australian 55 and HongKongese 44 for 12 years). D & E (Belgian 43 and Filipino 42 on for 12 years and then nagkahiwalay. AY!)

Ang tanong: bakit sila tumagal? Kasi they took it. Walang kyeme kyeme. Syempre me objective usapan sa umpisa. And then go lang ng go to the highest level. Inuupuan ang mga isyu. Me fightchina here and there but not all the time. They cross the bridge when they get there. Sa huli, they burned the bridge (although friends pa rin daw sila.)

Me nagstart as friends. Me nagstart as fuck buddies. Me nagstart sa sauna. Me nagstart sa isang park sa Sydney.

Kineber ang mga posibleng dahilan sa paghihiwalay. Kasi nga pinag-uusapan. Kung walang dahilan naman para magduda, bakit magdududa? Bakit mo nga naman lulunurin ang sarili mo sa mga pag-aalinlangang di naman deeply anchored sa whatever objective conditions.

Day, ang mga bakla, scientific din. Concrete analysis on concrete conditions. Sadya lang minsang maraming insecurities ang karamihan sa atin (dahil kailangang me pera all the time o dapat laging naka-oil of olay ang feslak at forevah maganda?) at nagiging subjective, centered on us all the time and always finding fault kahit wala naman talaga.

Kung hindi umepek, eh di hinde. Ganun lang kasimple. Cry kung cry pero move on. We'll snap out of it in no time.

Pero for now, ang truly mahalaga:

Gomorrah and enjoy the love, the companionship, the time, at lahat lahat na.

Kiber na ke Sodom.

Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look
Skip to the final chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far yeah
But the question drowns in its futility
And even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride
- Wood Song, Indigo Girls

****

Maraming salamat ke Empress Maruja sa pichur.

From Ariel to Triton

2008-03-14T23:07:00.005+08:00

I took off my red cowl so you can have a better look at my face.

Your face brightened up as the warm winter sun shone on you like you were some god. And I knew you were happy. And so was I.

I took out the gadgets and gizmoes out of the treasure trove that was my mouth and you devoured on every word I said like Hansel would a big candy house in the forest.

I told you stories of the Norwegian fjords, the long stretches of Hennessy and Chater Roads, those long flights to wherever my feet would bring me.

And you were not be far behind with a retort or a story of your own: at Chinatown in Spadina, those endless trips by the lake, your stay here in St. Michael’s.

We laughed. And then you would keep quiet. But no uncomfortable silence.

You slept and I continued reading Murakami. You woke up and we went on with our conversations. In the middle of those, of course, you asked the urinal from me or I would hand you your tissue box. You taught me finally how to put a diaper on a 180-pound man lying on a bed.

How long has it been? Twelve years! And here we are trying to squeeze everything in 21 days.

I have not met my Erik yet but I sure be toppling a pudgy Ursula down in no time. And I hope you get to stand back on your fins once again to see that. I know you will be well. As I will be.

You have always known me to be Ariel.

And you will forever be my Triton. You know that, Tatay.

BIG!

2008-03-01T18:51:00.006+08:00

If Canada would be anything, it is BIG.

Land area = 33 Philippines.
Five Alive fruit juice carton = 12 Hi-C orange tetras.
Canada ham = 5 Escalante fiesta.
Amount of snow along Hudson Drive = Taal Lake.

BIG Sale. My brother brought me supermarketing in No Frills, where almost everything was sold at $1. Not that it is Dollarama, which is yet another blog story.

I was shocked by the sheer size of the shopping carts: equivalent to 3 rusting NAIA airport carts. It appears to me then that the cart size may actually be proportional to the amount of money one has.

Here, they can afford to fill the whole cart like tomorrow is the end of the world. Back in Manila, all you can have is a plastic bag. Straight from Manang Huling’s Sari-Sari Store Pepsi Cola New Generation.

BIG House. Filipino families are in it for houses as huge as mausoleums, if not the whole lot of the Chinese Cemetery. So gargantuan you can actually film a typical family sitcom with a cast of 100 and a crew of 10,000.

Actually, they are almost in it for anything BIG.

We got invited to a party where food was so much you can actually feel it coming out of your nose. One of the living rooms was boxed in a huge space that one can actually think you are watching the whole family from a 100” flat screen TV. They were so literally loud that you thought the volume button in the remote control was kaput.

They reminded me of a trite joke about Russian schlongs and Filipina patooties. And Mrs. Capistrano.

BIG Snow. I have always looked forward to seeing and experiencing snow. My friends who have gone to experience it told me how amazing the touch of it was, the grand unforgettable way they would make angel’s wings, those funny times they attempted making a snow man and getting engaged into a snow fight.

BLAAAAAAH!

Canada’s grounds was like a paradise of smoothies and confectioner’s sugar gathering by the minute. Except it was hell. The wind was freezing enough to make one feel living inside the top level of GE Frigidaire. During such times I wish to be in a tropical beach somewhere down south of Philippines with a Halu-halo in my hand, minus the yelo.

BIG Love. What happens when you are with family whom you have not seen for more than 10 years? BIG everything.

BIG kwento. BIG chika. BIG hugs. BIG travels. BIG dayouts. BIG food. BIG eating.

I came here looking like Goldilocks. I don’t want to go back to Hong Kong looking like a grizzly bear.

*****
And about that, yes, it is BIG too.

Blag!

2008-02-26T19:54:00.004+08:00

A.bba Banci, have you any chu?
Amscha. Amscha. Three bags fou.

Oo, inaamin ko, matagal akong nawala. Kaya heto't magkukwento akong muli. Babalik sa limelight ng gay blogging community: magsusulat, magcocomment, mamamahagi ng mga kimching gawa sa China.

Kimching gawa sa China. Alam ko na yan dati pa pero pinalakas pa nang aking matikman ang inihanda ng mga stewardess sa Korean Air.

Korean Air. Yan ang aking sinakyan papunta sa kinalalagyan ko ngayon. Dito. Sa Canada.

Canada. Lecheng lamig yan. Ang daming nyebe. Ang daming yelo. Snow pa ng snow.

Pero naexcite naman talaga ako. In fairness. Itinatapat ko ang aking swagging dila sa snow falling on cheddar upang madiscern kung maalat, mapait o matamis nga ba sya.

Imposibleng maging maanghang otherwise liligaya ng lubos ang mga Indian Panang namamayagpag dito sa Brampton. Empresang Maruja (new expression!), feeling ko nasa River of Ganges ako sa zebrang dami ng mga nagtatatampisaw sa public pool kagabi.

Kung san dinala ako ng aking niece. Na may kapatid pang isa. Na anak ng ate ko. Na may ari ng bahay na tinutuluyan ko. Kung saan nakatira ang asawa nyang si Shrek. At ang dalawa kong pang shupatid. Na laging kasama. Sa pagbisita kay fudra.

Ito ang Bikolano aspect sa Adbentyurs ng Baklang Aktibista: ang familia at si fudra.

Kaya ako nawala. Naghanda ako.

One for my keke
One for badet
One for the fudra who's now in Church Stret.

2008-02-15T09:04:00.003+08:00

Karir

2008-02-11T19:31:00.000+08:00

Pagbigyan nyo na ako.

Totoong kinabog ng ZTE scandal ang kahit pa pinagsama-samang scandals nina Edison Chen, Gabrielle and lahat ng nais umepal sa page 6 ng Daily Express o Philippine Star.

Totoong nilampaso na naman ng mga shalang OFDebelyus all over the WOOOORLD ang mga hitad sa DOLE, POEA and everywhere else in the gavernment regarding the screamingly immoral, avariciously corruptional policy on direct hiring of Pinoy migrants.

Pero wit yan ang focus ko ngayon.

Pagbigyan nyo na. Bakla lang po.

***********************

So natuwa ako sa kwento ng isang bagong kc* tungkol sa kanyang lovelife. Kung paano nagstart sa chuvang nakuha-ko-ang-number-mo-mula-sa-
friendivang-hindi-mo-pa-nakikita-sa-buong-talambuhay-mo hanggang sa umabot ang karir sa ibang level - outside philippine soils.

Deadma na kung out ba sila sa family o waz. It's either too early or they're too young to problematize the chuva issue.

For that, nainspire akez. And again, for that, one of a few t-shirt designs na kinarir at lumabas sa photoshop.

Next time, ang Bawal Umihi Dito ni Red ang kakaririn ko.

*kc ay isang coined word ng isang bait friendiva na ayon sa kanya ay pinandidirihan ng iba pang mga friendivas. well, kc pa rin, meaning ka-close. syasya, cheezy na kung cheezy.

Ondakiksbak

2008-02-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

Been slacking lately.

Feeling and thinking really lazy like "eat, drink and be lazy because tomorrow you shall eat, drink and still be lazy."

There was no motivation to read the news or anyone else's blog. Even the easier ones to read, I didn't. I refused to take any responsibility even to comment. I just couldn't. And with that, a sabbatical leave to boot.

At nilampaso lang ako ng aking kaibigan. In English, he mopped me.

That is just scorpio hibernation. Like limbo mode. Like living by the day like there is no tomorrow. Like life is bland as a day-old double cheeseburger wasting time on the dinner table. But sooo convenient. Easy. Very easy yet so hard.

Je is raging about a crappy government policy and here you are doing nothing.

Kaya ayon. So there. I was slapped back to reality.

Gusto ko pa sanang mag-intellectualize pero walang sense. Depression is just an excuse to make rationalized excuses. Or worse, do nothing.

A.BBA On Leave

2008-02-08T08:53:00.000+08:00

Me nagaganap kaya kinakailangang tumalilis ng A.bba.

Indefinite leave.

Pero magbabasa pa rin. Kung kakayanin.

Naku, hindi sya eligible sa Pinoy Blog Superstar for February. Haaaay.

Marica tuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

2008-02-06T15:35:00.000+08:00

Ito ang lubos na nagpaligaya sa buhay namin ni Je sa panahong malungkot at walang kalatuy-latoy ang Hong Kong.

Ngayon, ilang beses nagsaboy ang bait ng glitters?

Discovering Bait

2008-02-04T15:04:00.000+08:00

Pagkamulagat: Ha?
Gulo ng isip: Ano ba ang nangyayari?
Hindi pagkatuto: Hindi nga...
Liberation: Sa wakas! It's about time.
Redemption: Sabi ko na nga ba't...
Pagtawag sa isang higher being: OMG! OhMyF*^%$#@*G!

Ilan ito sa napakaraming emotionally-charged reactions na maiisip o masasabi mo kapag nalaman mong bait* ang isa mong kaibigan. Whether sa isang isplukan habang nag-iinuman , pag-chance upon sa blog, website o daan ng isang nilalang, o sadyang pagdantay ng kanyang kamay sa iyong nanlalamig na binti o balikat, ibayong pagkagulat, pagdadalamhati o mala-Manny Pacquiao reaction na "Thank to the Gads!" na lang ang titilamsik mula sa iyo sa bawat Magellanic discovery.

Halu-halong ganito ang naganap sa aking kaibuturan noong Byernes. Umaga pa lang, tila naka-tune in na ako sa Discovery Channel habang inilalatag ng mga kaibigan ang mga recently nagcome out sa maligayang mundo ng bahaghari.

Raymond Gutierrez

"Mama, I am one of you now."

Ito ang unang mensaheng bumulagta sa akin matapos mag-automatic log-on ang aking YM. Isa sya sa mga student journalists na nabigyan ng training noon, nakasama sa napakaraming conventions at eventually ay nahikayat maging socially aware and involved.

Mama ang tawag nya sa akin, katulad ng pagtawag ng napakaraming girl, boy, bakla, tomboy na mamamahayag pangkampus sa buong Pilipinas. Malaking mama pa sya noon - towering at 5'9" at stocky ang built. Mahaba ang buhok at husky ang boses.

"Kelan pa?"

"Matagal na. Nito lang ako nagcome out. Alam na rin ni Evelyn (ex nyang hindi magkandatuto kapag wala sa tabi nya noong sila pa.)"

"At bakit hindi ko alam yan? Me karelasyon ka na ba?"

"Meron na po. Going strong naman. Three months na kami."

"Open relationship ba kayo?"

"No. We try to be loyal to each other."

"Baka naman sinasabi mo lang yan kasi ako ang kausap mo."

"Hindi naman, mama. We learned a lot from you."

Lecheng batang 'to eh never nga akong nagkarelasyon. Pero deadma na. Nagkwento na sya tungkol sa long, arduous and tricky path to coming out. Maligaya naman daw sya ngayon. He is more expressive and creative daw lalo na't indie film ang kinakarir nya ngayon.

Ipinakita nya ang bagong picture through his avatar. Mukhang matangkad pa rin. Mahaba pa rin ang buhok pero medyo stylish. Pero lean na ang bata. Swimmer type.

Haaay, kung hindi lang ako ang ina mo, ako na siguro ang bagong Demi Moore sa buhay mo.

Aiza Seguerra

Tungong straights bar naman ng gabing iyon.

Kung hindi lang sa lalaking pinakamamahal ko, hindi ako pupunta sa pugad ng mga puting tuwid at naghahanap ng lay pagdating ng alas dose.

Habang kausap ang mga luma at bagong kaibigan, nagkatinginan kami ni Aiza at lubos na naligayahan sa muling pagkikita namin. Aalis na rin pala sya at papuntang Africa. Doon na daw sya madedestino at sya lang mag-isa ang fafly.

"How about John?"

"Oh it is all fine. I'm sure there is wi-fi in my place of work."

"Well, that is good then. You won't be missing each other."

"We won't. By the way, this is Barbie, my girlfriend."

Sabay halikan. Umaatikabo. Habang kaharap ako. Sa loob ng straights bar.

"Zennnnnnnnnnnn!"

Deither Ocampo

Habang pinipigilan ko pa ang pagkaliyo mula sa aking nasight, namayagpag na kami ni Je sa pinakalamalapit na istasyon ng tren patungong Causeway Bay, ang bagong pugad ng mga lesbyana.

Pero hindi lesbyana ang pakay namin. Mababait naman sila pero hindi sila ang pakay namin.

Mga bait ang kakaharapin, makakaututang dila, makakatsikahan, makakainuman, makakatawanan at lahat ng pwedeng pang makaka-anuhan.

Paglanding ng paa mula sa lift, mahahabang pilikmata na ni Ryeness ang aming natunghayan. Napangiti na kami - ang ganda ng bakla! Papasok pa lang kami sa loob ng flat, dinig na ang mala-milyones sa dami ng mga bait na nakalabas ng gabing iyon. With pearly whites out na - ang dami nga talagang bakla! Pagkakita sa kanila, humahalakhak na ako sa lubos na kaligayahan.

Maraming nakilala. Maraming nakatsika. At maraming bagong discoveries. Hindi ko na sasabihin kung sino sila. Pinaligaya nila ako. Kahit hindi nila alam.

All through the night, kahit naligwak ako sa kauna-unahang MG na sinalihan ko, naka-Gloria Diaz smile ako.

Sarado ang mata. Mahaba ang pilikmata kahit hindi. At bukang buka ang bibig, kita ang ngipin.

Kahit mahirap, masayang maging bakla. Masayang maging bait.

(Ngayon naiintindihan ko na si Archyomedechorvita nung sumigaw sya ng: Eureka! Nung nalaman nya sigurong bakla si Plato: Ay, baiiiiit!)
-------------
*bait (pronounced like bait in fishbait) is the new word for bakla. In swardspeak, i is the contraction of y and o. So the word "bayot" would actually be "bait". Medyo colehiyala ang dating pero keryo na.

A Site To Behold

2008-02-01T13:27:00.001+08:00

How can one not be engulfed and smitten by the beauty and grandness of life that someone else's eye captures and keeps alive digitally forever?

I met this someone from someone I have met some hours ago. All three of us have it, if you know what I mean.

According to him, this someone alleged nature to be talking back to him. After seeing these photos, he never wondered anymore.
I never did either. Now, I will never look at the sun, anyone or anything the same way again.

Siiiiigh.

Y Phulumulu

2008-01-28T18:22:00.000+08:00

I have a surname and it is Phulumulu.

It is not because I find it more pleasing to the ear. It is not because I am married. It is not because I believe depression is a lame excuse for a badly-written post.

Phulumulu means gay in Nepal. As banci is in Indonesia.

Like bayot, bakla and agi in the Philippines, it has other siblings in this Himalayan fortress: meta, ta, hijra, singaru, lingi, dohori, straen, maruni, mugia, kothi, kotha, and nakophuli - with each one corresponding to every existing caste there is to be found in Nepal. Of course, this does not mean they harbor the feudal, ultra-conservative and very patriarchal nature of the caste system. Who would?

I got these names from friends I have met in Blue Diamond Society, the first ever gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgendered organization in Nei-pohk-yee (Cantonese for Nepal). Already in existence for more than six years, BDS has established a name for the GLBT community as they advanced the rights and welfare of the sexual minorities fighting every form of sexual ostracism and bigotry, usually coming from the local police.

Unlike in one part of Indian culture where a ritual can be made to bless a homosexual in the family, this is greatly, and sadly, absent in Nepal. The BDS decided to take this issue, not only by the tip of their fingers but with a big grasping hand.

They have a hotline, training workshops, discussions and a lot of great hope and resolve to make waves in changing the Nepali mindset and culture. They are a GLBT group, not just a gay one, because they think to effect change in this portion of that societal struggle, the gays cannot do it alone.

Right now, they are forwarding amendments to the Nepali constitution to enshrine the rights and aspirations of sexual minorities as part of building a new Nepal.

Because according to them, gays and the rest of the GLBT community are a huge contributing sector of the society. They are not simply defined by their sexuality. They do not only think about whom to have sex with the following day. They too have lives and families to love, to enlighten, and to support.

I was once called Kiran Taman in Nepal. But after meeting them, I switched to Kiks Phulumulu.

What would be you?

Pictures are from Blue Diamond Society. First was about their gay parade. The second one is Sunil, founder and president of BDS.
-------------------

And since it is surname fascination this time, let me introduce Rachel Yamagata, an American-born Japanese-Italian-German singer who is more than just a part of a TV series soundtrack.

She is the source of my happy during these Hong Kong winter days worsened further by a mix of mud-colored fashion and dandruff terror.

Her raspy-smoky voice, alternative-jazz-soul-funk tones and all-time almost-Fiona-Apple-like-but-not-and-might-be-better words would perk you up and relax you at the same time while you hold that mug of warm wine as you snuggle in your office chair or that worn-out sofa back at home.

She would still make you feel good even as she sings you in and out of love.

After a full day outside, sit back or just walk home happily and soundly as you listen to Rachel. Add to Worn Me Down, another heart is this: Be Be Your Love.

Coniang Bonnie

2008-01-24T11:03:00.000+08:00

Way back in college, I encountered a conia girl who grew up from Goldilocks High. Let's call her Bonnie.

Every day of that year, I had to contend with her endless rantings. With that infamous twang.

Bonnie(in increasing pitch and volume): You know what happened to me this morning? You know what happened to me this morning? You know what happened to me this morning?

Me: O, what happened to you this morning?

Bonnie: I was making takbo in our subdivision when this mama, this mama made lakad-lakad beside me. (again, in increasing pitch and volume) And you know what he said to me? And you know what he said to me? And you know what he said to me?

Me: What did he tell you?

Bonnie: Sabnya. Sabnya. Mess, mess, anglake ng ssma. (Sabi nya. Sabi nya. Miss, miss, ang laki ng susu mo.)

Me(not laughing): What, he said that to you? Sobra, syempre nagalit ka.

Bonnie: (once more, in increasing pitch and volume) Yeah. Yah. YEAAAAH! I was so galet talegah. (for the nth time, in increasing pitch and volume) And you know what I said to him? You know what I said to him? You know what I said to him?

Me: O, what did you say to him?

Bonnie: (again...) I said to him. I said to him. I said to him. Ptngnamah! (pauses for a second.) Okay, gottago to class pa. See you later, guys.

**********************

Just this morning.

K: Ayoko kay Christian Campbell. Sana di na sya lumaki from Trick.

J: Gwapo sya pag nakangiti.

K: Ayoko pa rin sa kanya. Mas gusto ko ang ate nya.

J: Si Naomi?

Gay Bloggers' Chorva on Relasyong M2M

2008-01-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

At nagblog ang mga bakla.

Tungkol sa relasyon. Ng lalaki sa lalaki. Kelot sa kelot. Man to man.

Itinaas sa kakaibang level ng ating mga fellow bloggers ang usaping M2M relationship.

So go for the gold to the highest level na tayey. Read on them blogs:

1. Modang chasing pavements ang bayot sa bukid na si Mandaya (ang aking co-conspirator sa chuva project na itech) habang inirerelay ang mga minahal.

2. Asking the question naman kung paano nga ba magkaron ang sana'y hindi forever virginal na si Kalansay Collector, or more popularly known as KC.

3. Dedicated naman kina Sam at Piolo ang Being Together, Being Free ng dyosang dragang si Jase.

4. Sino ang hindi mami-misty-eyed sa endless love ng Reyna Elena sa isang pangit, mataba at matandang maputing lola?

5. The future of relationship naman ang chova ni Jericho.

6. Bananas places his take on M2M relationship. Or his lack of it?

7. Long distance relationship is what Gibo's entry is all about. May future nga ba?

8. Chris Cafuir will let you in on an open secret.

9. Nagmodang soap opera nga ba ang Goddess sa kanyang Maalala Mo Kaya entry?

10. Naramdaman ko ang Tell Me On A Sunday sa entry ng Bryan Miseducated.

11. Kung may Ate Charing ang Goddess, feeling Rosa naman ang Misiz J sa kanyang KKMK.

12. Who would not read Holdencaulfieldist Pat's Meander?

13. My Ruff on what should really go first.

14. Mamangha sa Empress Maruja sa kanyang Kapag Puso't Kapalaran ang Nagdkita... Charot!

15. O naman, I am Changing ang moda ng Zen Bitch. Jennifer Holliday, ikaw ba iyan?

16. John Halcyon Von Rothschild tells us about the folly of "virtual" love and what it really means to love in Real Love.

17. Damn Pretty Rachel has a damn pretty message to all chauvinist pigs in her Friday Madness.

Maraming tenchuness sa lahat ng mga friendivas sa weblog. Lalo na sa Reynz for being so enthusiastic, encouraging and ever makulit. I love her sooo.

Sa mga hindi naseylaluhan, sorriness. Limited lang ang Melani Marquez brain waves kez. Next time, it will be a movement. A revolutienne.

Sya sya. By the way, hindi ako nagpi-prima donna kung nahuli ang aking entry. Trulalu ang chorva ng friendivang Jericho, mahirap pala talagang magsalita tungkol sa isyung itez.

Dreams

2008-01-21T21:24:00.000+08:00

So what is my stake on this relationship? Simple.

That he will tell me right that minute what he thinks and not the day after.

That we will argue not just for the sake of argument.

That he will understand it if I travel a lot and we won't see each other very often.

That he will expect me to understand too that he travels a lot and that we won't see each other very often.

But that we will get in touch with each other as much as we can.

That when we are apart, we won't fool around.

That we will remain gracious and unperturbed when we reveal disturbing histories to each other.

That when the honeymoon stage has ended, we would still live together.

That we may not actually live together for the first few months of our togetherness.

That there will always be days of living apart in this togetherness.

That we will have friends outside our own circle.

That we will remain true to this commitment, then to each other.

That we will grow old together.

That we will grow old together in the movement.

And that he will kiss me the way Miguel Alvarez kissed Andrew Beckett.

At that very moment.

Some made it happen. A lot failed. A few are trying to make it.

I am one of those who want to. Make it.

It's not that bad to dream, is it?

Why The Succeeding Post

2008-01-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

Mandaya and I had a short chat about our relationships last December. I was egging him on to tell me about his days on end with Kulot, who happens to be straight, while I volunteered virtually nothing about mine.

Tinanong ko sya kung bakit hindi nya isinusulat ang mga bagay na ‘to sa blog nya. He said, “Wala naman kasing nagtatanong.”

So we came up with an idea: Bakit hindi kaya magsulat ang mga gay bloggers ng pagtingin nila sa relasyong lalaki-sa-lalaki while downplaying the love aspect. Questions like these came up: Ano ba ang moda ng relasyong ganito sa ngayon? Ano ba talaga ang gusto nating maganap sa ating mga relasyon?

I right away rummaged through my blog roll (and others’ as well) and sent them an email or a shout out. I told them about the whole thing and asked if they can agree to write something about it and post whatever they came up with on January 21, tomorrow.

Why January 21? Kasi one month ang paghahanda at hindi dapat lumanding sa birthday ni Kris Aquino, which happens to be February 14. Odiba, alangan naman…

For those who will, maraming salamat. For those who still want to do it post-January 21, please do. Pretty sure many would like to know what you think. For those who decide not to, walang problema. Minsan, mahirap talagang pag-usapan ang ganitong mga bagay.

People Power II

2008-01-19T18:04:00.000+08:00

How does one remember People Power II?

Is it by the sheer number of lightning rallies, mass demonstrations and actions that one has attended in the whole course of 1999 and 2000 that led to the eventful millions-strong mobilization that shook Joseph Estrada from his seat and led him to take the barge from Malacanang to the other side of the Pasig River?

Is it the courage to be standing on top of a rented jeepney, a makeshift stage in Mendiola or the one in Edsa Shrine fueling the people's rage against a corrupt and totally discredited regime while secretly coaching the unknowing daughter of a landlord to say "ang tanging masang anakpawis lamang ang makakapagpatalsik sa walang kwentang si Erap"?

Is it the volume of press releases, media gimmickry and other pamphlets one has to churn out every single day to be distributed to media friends and people on the streets as one marched from Morayta to Mendiola, from UP Diliman to Batasang Pambansa, from one part of Makati to another part of Makati, and every square area of Edsa Shrine?

Is it that fateful night when one jumped into the nearest public utility vehicle after a day-long meeting while texting other colleagues to rendezvous at Cubao and march all the way to Ortigas, which to be the place of continuous protests, endless debates and meetings while snipping at the littlest rest imaginable?

Is it that text brigade that turned into a movement as people not only in Manila but in every part of the country massed up in huge numbers and encouraging thousands more as they shouted in unity for Estrada to resign?

Yes, it is all these. And on top of them, the very thought that Filipino people can actually decide on their fate by collectively ending the political career of someone who only made our lives miserable and bleak. And with that resolve, we are willing to go that extra mile and maximize everything within arm's reach (as in this case, our mobile phones) to ensure that our demands will be realized.

And it is this same thought that runs in every Filipino, man, woman or child, straight, gay, lesbian or what have you, as we express our disgust for a woman who, despite her nano-size, has an ego of a buffoon, a heart made for self-glory and a soulless desire for power large enough to swallow Middle Earth in all its entirety.

I prefer to call it People Power II, not Edsa Dos simply because the outcry did not happen only in metropolitan Manila but everywhere, in and outside the country. I prefer to call it People Power II because every Filipino, from every walk of life, took part in it.

And people means masses. And who comprise the masses?

One is never too young or too gay to be involved. We did it with two men and we can do it again, this time with a woman.

Now you ask me: what if the president were gay or lesbian? I would not bat an eyelash.

Our people power did not have a gender, honey.

One Decides to be Star-Struck

2008-01-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

Phulumulu meets Coelho. Or was it, Coelho meets Phulumulu?

Hindi Batid ng Madrid

2008-01-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

Hindi batid ng Madrid na minamanmanan ko ang lahat ng mga anak ng dyos na ginawa nyang waiter, driver, immigration officer, pulis, security guard, translator, tagabigay ng translation device, tambay, naglalakad sa daan, presidente at sa mga sadyang unfortunate-for-them-but-fortunate-for-me na itinalaga nya dito sa napakawalang kwentang bahagi ng Madrid - sa Ciudad de las Naciones.

Hindi batid ng Madrid na pinaplano kong kunan ng litrato ang lahat ng mga nilalang para sa kaligayahan ng mga bakla kong kaibigan at sige na, pati mga fellow bloggers na may kipay para naman mauhog ng konti ang kanilang mga sinapupunan oras na lumanding ang kanilang mga ogling eyes sa mga papa ng buwan.

Hindi batid ng Madrid na ang tanging mga papa nya lamang ang tanging nakakapagdistract sa akin kahit un momento sa walang humpay kong pag-iisip sa aking tunay na papa. Si Papang. Si Fadear. Si Tatay.

Dapat nang magwakas ang civilizasiones meeting na ito. Kailangang makauwi na ako.

Marami pang pwedeng maging papa sa mundo. Pero iisa lang ang papa ko.

Kaletra

2008-01-10T20:51:00.000+08:00

Meet Kaletra. K-A-L-E-T-R-A. Kaletra.

She is the latest and most advised companion for PWH, or people with HIV. She is the one you would be running to when your CD4 (immune cells) count is dangerously down and you need some prepping up. She deserves mutual respect and attention once she in your company. So never let her down, or your health will be.

Dr. Kenny introduced Kaletra to me yesterday over a tea-less afternoon meeting. Apparently, my CD4 has plummeted to 203 and it is seriously prescribed that I take no chances in letting the virus take over.

Syasya, iinumin ko na po sya.

Kaletra is a protease inhibitor. As its name implies, it blocks the protease enzyme found in the human cell which the human immunodeficiency virus needs to make copies of itself. If this becomes successful, the HIV replicates itself without any harm to the human cell.

Unfortunately, studies have shown that every new HIV cell made may adapt and become virtually resistant to the drug. Hence, it is strongly suggested that protease inhibitors like Kaletra be taken with other anti-HIV drugs in order to keep the HIV production at an all-time low while creating more CD4 cells.

Kaya, me Combivir pa!

Mutual attention would mean religiously following the regimen - drinking Kaletra and Combivir every 12 hours - for the drugs to take effect.

Side effects are there of course, i.e. diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, fat absorption and lipid redistribution, muscle and joint pain, headache, fatigue, depression, appetite loss, skin rashes and anemia.

No sex drive loss? No sex drive loss. Great.

I hope I will not turn out to be Paul or Palma's bottom should there be any fortuitous occasion.

Kung ayaw mo, hwag.

Living with HIV is not like walking through a rampway with all the lights and eyes flashing and focused all on you. It does not work that way, we are not showbiz personalities.

Kaletra and Combivir are not any drugs one takes simply because they are high-class or in fashion. I can very well guess just how much a tablet in the Philippines costs and the thought makes me shudder.

Sabi nga nila, the best option is prevention. If you can condomize it, PLEASE.

Activism 101: Why Joining Demonstrations is Good for You

2008-01-08T23:00:00.001+08:00

WHILE it is not the totality of being an activist, joining demonstrations can be good for one's heart, mind, soul and body.

Walking helps strengthen the heart, build endurance and burn some fats, too. Chanting helps voice modulation and possibly a knack at public speaking. Knowing the issue, believing in the demands and learning to assert and negotiate without really compromising fortifies that resolve, self- or collective.

And of course, there are the other perks...

Now, who says one can only find the men in the pride?

Anatomy of Sad

2008-01-07T01:27:00.000+08:00

It is when you look at the monitor and a man's plump ass smiles at you. And you do not respond.

It is when you try to feel the keys on the board and you are warmly welcomed by letters. And you press space.

It is when you check your emails and you respond to them. And you end Hello with a period.

It is when you surf blogs and read posts. And you cannot smile.

It is when you write and publish a post. And you delete it after.

It is when you read a book and you finish it. And you say nothing.

It is when you listen to music and Bob Dylan plays. And you do not mind.

It is when you cross the street and a friend is across. And you do not notice.

It is when you start to run and you continue to run. And run. And run.

It is when Tatay may have to go and you don't want him to.

And I don't want him to.

V - First Installment

2008-01-01T19:12:00.000+08:00

V stands for virtually anything.

For every breathing Filipino homosexual male in the planet who has at one time spoken gay lingo and attuned himself to the very fact that gays do exist, it is vital that they know every word that has the letter V in it: victorious, Valentina, Voracay, vayot, valium, vodka, virus (no Eek! there) and for some unfortunate men, viagra.

Of course, the letter v does not have to exist as the leader of the pack. Like gays who come in droves despite the inability to bear children and where everyone is vital, v can be present either in the middle or at the end(end meaning it is pronounced as the last letter, giving it an insurmountable amount of vvvv!)

No, this post is not about letters. This is about people, events and places that made a Very ViVid and ViVacious impact on this Vikolanong Vaklang Aktivista.

So who, what and where are they? Loren Legarda, with your overgrown and totally-overused Filipiniana gown, PASOK!

Lyka and Mandaya

Lyka Bergen (L) and Mandaya Moore-Orlis (R)

They are the first two gay bloggers I have ever encountered.

Lyka, or Lyka Bergen, is part of the triumvirate +1 in the Las Tres Estrellas (LTE) while Mandaya is the world-renowned bayot sa bukid, Mandaya Moore-Orlis.

I remember it oh so well. Vayutang A had me checked out the Wonder Woman post of the LTE and was wildly amazed by the idea that gay blogging can be so much fun. Of course, who would not miss Mandaya's comment on Yunjin Kim in Lost and my most-faved Shiri? And trulalu, the rest was history.

They added spunk (fresh spunk, sister!) to the highly-intellectualized world of internet journals and made it even more palatable for many poor gay people back in the Philippines to spend whatever is left of their weekly school allowance to check the internet and YES, go beyond gay porn sites, guys4men, friendster or RPG games.

Mandaya strung words like sequins and crystals on beautiful gowns. Maraming mga baklang ingglisera ang araw-araw nagpapanik-panaog sa kubo ng dalagang bukid upang humaplos, sumamyo sa kagandahang kanyang gawa. But he does not only write now, he also bakes.

Lyka and the LTE, on the other hand, talk about almost anything under the sun, aside from the men who lie themselves in wait for a gold tan on a summer's day. It was not all men for the LTE, which made me got hooked to them. They talked about relationships, of love and lust, TV series and movies, friendships lost and friendships regained, fashion, politics, like gay people talk about and go through our lives.

And with them to thank, I have met other stars in the gayest constellation ever. Just check my blog menu, most of them are there.

They truly are vunggang vayutang vloggeras of this vorld.

Sundays and Holidays

Central is like a marae. You just keep coming back to it,
even with the absence of men. (photo by Corazon Amaya-Canete)

Sundays and holidays are the best days for me because that is the time I go out in my best-dressed type ever and be with fellow kababayans, who are mostly domestics, on their days off.

There in the heart of Hong Kong Island, one can find the truest and most humble of people.

You will also find the tambayan with the best dinuguan or papaitan, most sumptuous embutido, winningest coffee, best-cooked rice, the leche flan that will make you cry for dear life. ALL!

One Sunday would not be enough to go around the whole lot of kababayans. Every Sunday is an event in itself and I would sometimes see myself prancing from one area to another, either to speak, perform with my group, discuss issues, teach theater and dance, sing karaoke, judge beauty contests (sadly!) or simply play and laugh the night away. Wala nang ingglis ingglis!

Volume

The last and vest find of the year is the voted best and straight-friendliest gay bar in Hong Kong - drums roll, big, delicious men of the taiko drums - VOLUME!

Vayutang A and I are happy to find a fresh respite away from our very jealous husbands, our work.

Vayutang A was depressingly quiet for some reason and we decided to head out to this new bar to relax and just be in the gay scene. We traversed the long Hollywood Road. At dahil di naman kami palaboy ng bakla, we got lost for what seemed like minutes until we screamed Eureka at the site of the three buddhas.

If a goddess would replace Birhen ng Pagbabyahe, it would have to be Rye, who patiently provided us with landmarks to the place. And whom we met for the first time that night. Together with other possibilities. For friends. (Ano to, grand EB?)

Where I sit with friends

Minus that lousy sexy dancer and some unforgettable others, Volume is a place where one has the freedom to either dance (like that big man with a green shirt), chat, or do both the night away. No entrance fee, reasonably priced drinks and less pretentious people (not like in Propaganda, according to an English architect Vayutang A met as he queued in line for the most-coveted toilet.)

As what one newfound friend said about Volume and gay life in Hong Kong: Sa Pinas, lahat nagmamaganda (nagpapamhin). Dito you can just be yourself. At kahit magpakabakla ka, makakagetlak ka pa rin ng lalaki.

He didn't say the last sentence, of course. Although I am pretty sure he did. Get a man.

(Phew, nakakapagod na inggles 'to!)

Ang Vakluzh Bilang Watashi in the New Generation

2007-12-31T01:30:00.000+08:00

Ano itey, Coca Cola commercial?
Wit mga manash. At wit magiging Lilet ang A.bba.
Nagmodang makata lamang, tulad ni Benildang lola:
Napa-emote kay Pablo Neruda, ininspire ni Madonna.

Reinvention ba ang datetz? Parang Relentless ng Coke:
Panglinis ng latrine, naging energy drink?
Deadma na ditetz, ITEZ ang yearender kez
But before that, suba muna at wash na ng fez.

Andy Warhol ma’y colorful pa rin ang vivir
Coz of the chosen path na in the past ay di naisip makarir.
New lands, new men, new life, new hope.
Full English ba talaga? Full English talaga.

Waz nang walkaroo sa diksyonaryo at mapa
Ng mga bansang binisita, mga otokong di man lamang naikama
Ang mga nagbenefit, deadma na, mga bruha
Nawritesung na zilang en toto ng dinggang bloggera.

Ginetlak ang suyod at naging interesante
Naggugo, naglangis at si Abba’y umabante
At vilang respeto sa mga dyosang pinakinggan ng diche
Naglagay ng period bago sa unang Be.

At katulad ng Godivang naging tsokolate
Hinubad kez ang kapa at nagpakatotoo ‘te.
Ang l’importante, c'est la rose: Ang lezzons, walang echos.
Le bête is the new belle – ito ang aking propose.

Pagkat ang baklang itez ang dami nang nachenes:

Tumambling. Nazhafa. Nafatihaya.
Natanga. nalukras. Uber na nafahiya.
Umivig. Umispluk. Krumayola ng evergreen.
Nagpoz man sa testing, nagpose ala Miriam pa rin.

Ang mga bruises sa arms, legs, fez ng baklita
Loved like kalyo sa hands ng nategras na mudra.
It makes you real, makes you feel: mala-working hands baga?
Kazi naman ang metrosexual is so luma na zhulaga.

So fano maging bayot sa bagong fanahon?

Wit mashokot – umibig, umispluk, mag-explore, malungkot.
Handang umariba – sa kultura, teknolohiya, debate ng ideya.
Tanggapin ang failures – sa love, lust, looks or lots.
Pero wiz magpafigil, overflowing dafat ang guts.

Mahalin si ate kahit pa zha lezbyana.
At para ke fafa, iteach ang pitfalls ng patriyarkiya.
Marami mang mhin, wag kalimutan ang aking vilin.
Monogamy is best: if di makayey, zhondom ay zhuutin.

Nachugs na si Maria, pinalitan ni Gabriela
Ilaydown ang hairla, kahit wang manicure na fuschia
Progressive dafat, ateng. Waz na tayey sa ice age.
Atin nang tegrazin ang chenes niteng ating cage.

Odeva, Winnie Cordero ang mazhumaan ng Zun?
Out here in the open, it is so much fun!
Curtains up na mga bakla sa makavagong lavanan
End na ang zhunahon na feeling-feeling john.

--------
Sinampal ako ng bakla kong friendsung kaninang umaga. Hindi nya raw maintindihan ang baklang poem. Sabi ko, leche, kaya nga gayspeak yan para tayeng mga bayut lang ang makaknowles.

Pero di raw nya magets. 21 years old sya. Leche, di pa sya pinapanganak nang naging star sina Lilet at Kuh Ledesma. At para sa mga bulilitchinang nagdadalaga, some references:

1. New Generation ang moda ng Coca Cola noong 1987 habang naglalabasan ang mga bata at kumakanta ng "I am the future of the world" sa isang commercial. Si Lilet, isang starlet ng That's Entertainment ang kumanta from Pinas with kids from the rest of the world.

2. Benilda is Benilda Santos, isang napakahusay na makata na nakilala ko sa DLSU. Isa syang dekana ngayon sa ADMU.

3. Ang sinasabing pwedeng panglinis ng kubeta, ang Coke, ay may bagong energy drink: Relentless. HK$29.00 dito sa HK.

4. Andy Warhol - walang anda. Gawd, this is so 70s.

5. Walkaroo - walk

6. Otoko - mhin, kelot, lalake, taong may tite (although wit sa she-male. charot!)

7. Diyosa referred to as the people listened to by my diche are ABBA.

8. Diche is second oldest sister in Chinese. Eh bakla ang panganay na zhufatid na otoko. For dat!

9. C'est La Rose ay isang awiting French na kinanta ni Kuh Ledesma sa kanyang 1980 album entitled "Kuh". Tinagalog ang song-la at syang tinawag na "Bulaklak".

10. Le bête is the new belle - The beast is the new beauty.

11. Miriam is Miriam Quiambao. I'm sure knows mo na itez.

12. John is not John John. John is an American chuva for toilet bowl. Parang latrine in Latin.

Blah-blahs on Casual Sex

2007-12-26T19:31:00.000+08:00

Have you ever experienced having that bad taste lingering in your mouth for what seemed like days when it has only been a few hours THAT you would actually go to great lengths like running for 30 minutes straight, taking a very hot shower with Dettol and drinking liters of water with salt just to rid yourself of it?

I had it tonight. And I think I still do.

Just a few hours ago, I met an exceptionally good-looking and very well-endowed man from the block. And we did it.

Apparently, the man was just in it for the sex and basked in the joy of being served. He didn't talk at all. He didn't move even. He just let me do my thing. I would have seen that coming but I didn't complain.

I hear myself saying this again - not complaining. It bothers me this time.

The Stupidity of Casual Sex, The Stupidity of Me in Casual Sex

It bothers me because I experienced the same feeling of unexplained bad taste like the very first time I did it. The guy did not talk either but was game in every way that he was.

Once he unloaded, he wiped himself clean with Tempo, zipped up and left.

And around the same time, the same empty. The same bad taste.

Casual sex they say is very good because once the denouement of sheer sexual climax is reached, the two are left with other more vital issues to discuss: like compatibility, stances on endless topics, whats and what-nots in a relationship, and other crucials as favorite color, most favored day of the week and what the other feels aside from the concerns of today's weather.

But one can only take so much casual sex. As some women would sacrifice their dignity into kissing as many frogs just to find the prince, some of our kin would lose out more than just dignity to fuck toads, lizards and dinosaurs in sheer number far bigger than what a Google search can ever be imagined possible.

I think I have reached that certain threshold where I cannot take any more alien intrusions in my mouth just so I would feel and identify the possibilities of familiarizing myself with the owner whom I have permitted to intrude my private space.

While I agree that sex is important to determine the first level of compatibility, I have whacked the stupid helmet in my head FINALLY this time to realize that I can never find that in just any other sexual encounter.

Beyond Contextualizing

I will not anymore delve into that craving of almost every homosexual male to be loved, praised and be considered an equal by the man he has dreamed of having beside him for the rest of his life.

I will not anymore try to discuss the great distance many of us would have to tread, with bare feet and blistered toes, holed pockets and emptied wallets, as we search for that man. While a few had the financial benefit of accumulating and throwing the unnecessary, a denizen of others find joy in scruffing for portions or recycles. Some have allegedly found gold in rubbish bins.

It is more of an attitude, not for others but for myself, that has got to change as I step out of the bin that I felt I was just in.

Casual sex is a more complicated type of trial and error. Either one hits or misses, EXCEPT: that one may find a hit, but the other may frown at the sight of a miss. No pun intended.

It is like short cutting one's way to the office when there is just so much joy in walking. You see friends, you meet unfamiliar faces, you actually stop at the nearest cafe to have a sip, and what do you know, that man in the counter has actually the same interests as you do. And he has that great smile. And a perfect set of teeth. But instead, you choose to sip the coffee he served you and talk some more rather than running swiftly into the public toilet and have an after-breakfast snack.

There are men these days who actually have interests other than sex. And they actually exist. And isn't that pleasantly surprising?

Maybe I should open a coffee shop. Naah. I think I would have to take slow walks this time.

And slower sips of coffee.

Holiday Wheezing

2007-12-24T15:03:00.000+08:00

It has been days since I last posted. Usual comment that I have read in many blogs.

It must be the holiday rush. It must be work that comes up at the last minute. It must be the endless array of Christmas parties that everybody had to attend on a nightly basis that got them wondering what to wear the whole day.

Me, it is work. And being alone. With work.

But I don't mind. And I am not at all complaining. Believe me.

Adbentyur

Nepal was great and Spain is coming up roses now that the Spanish government has me in their list of YOUNG attendees in the upcoming Madrid Forum on the Alliance of Civilizations.

I fixed everything that has to be submitted to the Spanish Consulate, who luckily had an insulares working with them for the longest time. I printed all invitations, looked up my age-old passport photo and queued up in HSBC for a bank endorsement.

In Two Pacific Place, where they presently cocoon, the lifts were horrendously advanced that I had to key in 20 to bring me to the 20th floor. Of course, I only knew about keying in the number when I was in the 17th floor. And I had to go out of the lift (once again) to encode my desired floor. (Technology never fails to amaze, and sometimes frustrate, me.)

Upon reaching the 20th floor, I scouted 2017 only to find out they're closed for the holidays. Oo nga pala, these people celebrate Christmas.

Bikolano

Apparently, not only most of my beloved bloggers are UST-based, many of them are also Bikolanos.

Like Reyna Elena, Pinoy Blog Superstar for December 2007 in Empress Maruja's ultra-famous search.

I instantly liked the queen while reading through his comments and then his blog posts. Pretty entertaining and yet sensible for someone whose age I would not want to guess. It is not the age that matters, anyhow. It is what you say. ;-)

The reyna is now in Philadelphia, not attempting to be Andrew Beckett but someone more bodacious. The logo you see in my blog came from his blog, that is just like a mansion of precious things except you can touch them all and play with them.

And Reyna Elena can command his readers like Queen Elizabeth can command the winds. One time, I emailed people up about a hopefully-great something and he replied back with a forward to all his lot, staff and concubine. And by god, were the responses prolific!

Oragon talaga ang reyna.

Bakla

Michael Ball, pasok:
My gay friend who is recently into musicals downloaded Michael Ball and had me listening to him who played and is still playing Marius as part of Les Miserable's original cast.

While we lulled ourselves with the man's emotionally powerful voice, I thought out loud: the only most wonderful talent that God ever gave me was being gay.

And that friend uttered: You're so Broken Hearts Club - reminding me one of its most unforgettable lines: "I am already 28 years old and the only thing I am very good at is being gay."

I am already 33.

Aktibista

I missed out on several Christmas parties of migrant workers yesterday, Sunday. Reason: I decided to attend a forum on the challenges faced by the local social movement in Hong Kong in City University, the school where one has to go through a huge department store before entering it.

With the whole lot speaking in Cantonese, I scrimped on very good translation from a friend. And from what I discern, they are faced with the big challenge on how to move forward. Well, I put the word "move forward" when what they mostly did was discuss the past without really delving much on what its lessons were, how they would learn from these lessons, and how they can advance together.

I did not really budge. I expressed my solidarity and the optimism that comes with it.

I told this to a friend and he said: what they need is a revolution. I told him, no.

They need a good-looking man in the movement. At the minimum.

THE HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS AND A
BETTER, MORE FEISTY 2008 TO EVERYONE!

Lakbayang A.bba

2007-12-21T11:32:00.000+08:00

Nakita ko to sa blog ni Lad (na meron talagang advertisement) at nainteresante ako kung kaya't ginawa ko.

My Lakbayan grade is B!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii've been to paradise but I've never been. To. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Asian English

2007-12-18T14:57:00.000+08:00

In an international youth gathering in Beijing, there was one German bitch who commented on us Asians: "Why are Asians so slow? How long does it take for you to process everything we talk about?"

Sinagot ko ang hitad: "You're dense. Think about sitting in a room of people who do not speak English. Go back to school and study cultural sensitivity."

Sa matagal na panahon, laging pinipilit ng mga nanay at tatay natin, lalo na ang mga hitad sa gubyerno, na mag-aral ng Inggles. Para sa ating ikauunlad daw. Para sa mas magaganda, mas mapepera at mas promising na trabaho. Para sa isang maaliwalas na tomorrow.

Charot! Sabihin yan sa lahat ng mga nagtatrabaho sa mga call centers upang paghusayin ang pronunciation at enunciation of the English words para lamang kumita ng malaki. Call center jobs and writing medical transcriptions - me patutunguhan ba ang mga trabahong ito?!

For that (dahil major chika ang employment for the yut ditrez), sa isang gathering ng mga zhuvataan sa Nepal, aming ipinalaganap at ipinagmalaki ang paggamit ng Asian English.

Ano ang Asian English? Ito ang paggamit ng Inggles sa pinakasimple, almost Barok na pamamaraan upang magkaintindihan. Bigyan ng example:

"I would like to... I would like to... I would like to invite (pangalan) to sit as a guest in his seat." (Nakaupo na si kuya sa upuan nya. Pinapatayo para umupong muli.)

"Ladies and gentlemen, and friend, the renounced political leader of Nepal. Let us give him big clapping!"

Referring to political leaders gathering near our venue, one Nepali guy said: "This is the Nepal Subhamana Party." Ask ng isang international delegate, "Is that english for Christmas Party?"

"Please sit in my backside."

Sagot ng participant sa kung ano ang lalafangin nya: "Pig? No. Cow? No. Chicken okay!"

"I will try to speak as concisely, as clearly and as suckingly as possible."

"Are you very boring? If you are boring, I will be very lonely."

Pinagtatawanan namin ang mga sarili naming Inggles. But we all tried to understanding each other. In the end, nagtagumpay ang youth camp at lumanding pa sa sandamakmak na media ang kaganapang itez.

Sa evaluation namin, mas mahalaga kung ano ang gusto mong sabihin kaysa sa paano mo sya sasabihin. In the first place, sadyang diverse ever ang kultura at buhay ng mga Asyano. Natututunan lang natin ang lenggwaheng Western depende sa kung sino ang shumokop (colonize, bakla!) sa atez: Dutch for Indonesians, Spanish and English sa atin, French sa ilang Pacific Islands, etchos etchos etchos.

Other than that, isang palengke ng lenggwahe't kultura ang masasayla mo sa isang kumperensya ng mga zhubataang galing sa iba't ibang sulok ng Eyzha. So hot, so nakakaloka, so challenging! Yet so winner!

I sad I left Nepal. But very happy. For that, wang goodbye. See you later lang.

*******************************
At dahil nagpramis ako sa isang bakla re mga papang nakita kez sa Himalayaz, itez na zila:

For more animosity (anonymity ang mean ng isang participant), wa ng namesung ang mga yan. Basta ang age range: 19-25.

Danyabat!

Two to Tango

2007-12-11T13:28:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Rye, I have this tag to enjoy while in the company of work and Nepali men.

1. Two names I go by: Rey (real life), Kiks (blog life)
2. Two things I am wearing right now: Streax darkest brown hair color, boots
3. Two things I have in a relationship: family, friends (ito ba yon?)
4. Two things I like to do: listening to music, arguing
5. Two things I want very badly in this moment: corned beef na may maraming patatas, pandesal
6. Two things I did last night: drink beer with a Malaysian friend, contend with bureaucracy
7. Two things I ate today: omelette on bread, tea granules from masala tea (yum!)
8. Two persons I last spoke to: travel writer John Krich, activist Dave Gilbert
9. Two things I am going to do tomorrow: remain beautiful and graceful amidst pressure, leave for Dhulikhel
10. Two favorite days of the week: Today and Tomorrow (ay, vague?!)
11. Two favorite holidays: Christmas, Good Friday (pinakamasayang araw kasi reunion)
12. Two favorite beverages: Lassi, Gulaman
13. Two things about me that you may not have known: Mahilig ako sa matatamis, Sinabi ko sa isang retreat that I only have 7 months to live (tapos naloka sila nung nagresurrect ako sa start of class)
14. Two jobs that I have had in my life: journalist-trainer, layout artist
15. Two movies I would watch over and over: The Devil Wears Prada (especially the first 5 minutes), Little Mermaid (Ariel should be 33 years old by now)
16. Two places I have lived (outside my parents home): Corotan Mansions in Quezon City (very good bonding), White House in Hong Kong
17. Two of my favorite food: tosino, santan (Bicolano coco jam with pili nuts)
18. Two places I would rather be right now: Hong Kong, Canada (with family and Big Guy)

And here is another question: What are the 5 gifts you would buy for yourself this christmas, if you had unlimited income?
1. everything Lucio Tan owns (University of the East, Centennial Airport, Philippine Airlines) and Lucio Tan himself
2. since Rye has MTR, I will have Chek Lap Kok (para me gay park na mailagay!)
3. World Bank

I tag Chase the Queer Chef and KC, the kalansay collector.

Magimbal sa Nepal!

2007-12-09T13:00:00.001+08:00

Correct me if I'm not wrong (sabi nga ng aking Malaysian friend) pero sadyang habang tumatagal ang aking pananatili dito, lalong nagbabago ang pagtingin ko sa Nepal.

True enough, like Malate is not Manila, neither is Thamel Nepal. Marami kang katutuwaan at sobrang ikamamahal sa Nepal, lalo na't malalaman mong marami kayong things in common. You just might say at some point: So Filipino, So Asian.

O, tama na ang emote.

Inside Thamel

Tindahang sandamakmak ang makikita mo sa kalakhan ng Thamel. Thamel, which comes from two words "mela" which means marketplace and "Tha" which is the name of the place, ay parang isang malaking Divisoria na iminerge sa Malate.

Kahit may isang rumored gay disco bar, marami ring cafes, bars, restos at hotels na matatagpuan sa loob ng Thamel. Dito mo makikita ang kalakhan ng mga turista. Except me!

At kung mawawala ka, looksee mo palagi ang mga temples sa halos bawat corner ng Thamel (and beyond). At hwag masha-shock sa maraming mga kelot na naghoholding hands, natural sa kanila yon.

Nepal Chuva

Food, clothing, music, arts. Maraming bagay sa Nepal na lubos mong katutuwaan. Parang Thailand, ang gaganda ng kanilang mga quilts at wall cloth covers.

Ang fudams, winner din from desserts to main dishes like tarkari, biryani, alu paratha, et cetera. Think Mister Kabab in Quezon City (saan nga ulit iyon?), you will see that Nepali food is never different. It is a sweeter and less maanghang version of Indian food.

At kung tela, go-lah na. The picture on the right is the shop of my friend Usa. Winner ang pashmina, ang yak fur and everything. Wag kang bibili ng sapatos unless marunong kang tumingin. Mura ang scarves bilang mga pasalubong.

Hindi nga lang magaganda ang mga ref magnets nila.

Kathmandu vs. Manila

May mga sari-sari stores din sila. May tingi rin silang yosi. Nakasakay nga lang sa kabayo ang mga pulis nila (at hindi malalaki ang tyan!)

Noong nawala ako at kokonti lang ang rupee datung (1HK$ = 7NR), bumili ako kay Ate (see woman holding something white) ng popcorn. Oks lang naman si Ate nung kunan ko ng pic. Pagtalikod ni Ate, ay me batang karga ang lola.

Naloka ako!

Nepal Friends

May mga gwapo din naman talaga sa Nepal, katulad ni Sud. Maghahanap ka nga lang kung yon ang pakay mo sa Nepal.

Si Usa ang may-ari ng tindahang binilhan ko ng aking pashmina bonnet.

At yan si Rabi, ang Nepaling may wide smile. Too wide at some point akala ko isa syang puppet. Pero kaibigan ko sya. Pero kakaiba talaga ang tawa nya. Hahahaha.

Marami pang bagay na dapat ikwento pero mauubos na ang load ko. Danyabat!

Namas-tse!

2007-12-06T13:45:00.000+08:00

Kung vovoto ako sa best place to get lost in NatGeo Get Lost chorva, it would have to be NEPAL!

And wid that, ang travel advisory para sa lahat ng mga bayot going to the Himalayas:

Walk

Mas win ang walk kesa ride, unless rickshaw ang moda mo. Kahit saan, kahit kailan, even in major thoroughfares at 12MN, walk ang mga utraz. Deadma sa mga speeding sasakyan and everything. Dito, mafi-feel mong ikaw ang Miss World of the Road and not any other vehicular drivers.

Map

Mapa? Gudlak! Go-lah akez sa hotel manager asking for a Kathmandu map. Ginibsung ako ng isang mapa - with a blank outline of the whole valley with a star in the middle and the only English word that reads... Guess.... kurak, KATHMANDU.

Internet

At kung ang trabaho mo ay isang inborn asthma at internet ang ventoline mo, mag-deep breathing ka pag lumapag sa land-locked country na itez. I can hear Miranda Priestley mouthing from behind: By all means move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.

For that, wag dalhin ang trabaho sa Nepal (unlike poor me.)

Food

After mag-rant, lumafang. Win ang food, lalo na ang desserts. Maraming choices. Maging maligaya.

Camaraderie

And for more, look up Blue Diamond Society, ang kaisa-isang gay group ditez sa Nepal.

For them, gay ang tawag sa mga paminta, transgender sa mga effem, at transgendered sa mga successful transplants.

At sa usaping talent portion, magstanding ovation ka na lang mala-Ellen Degeneres even with a bad back.

Marami raw lgbt groups dito. Pero sila ang pinakalove ko.

Sex

Kung sex ang habol mo, bring a partner or a friend.

Searching sex partners online can be frustrating: 3 lang ang matatagpuan sa www.guys4men.com, puti pa yung isa; zilch naman sa www.dudesnude.com; at sa friendster, di ko alam - puro question marks lang kasi ang lumalabas sa buong site ditey.

And no, walang gay sauna sa Nepal.

Lastly

Best place ang Nepal to relax and be an adventure gay princess, a la Himalayan goddes chuva. Sey nga ng isang travel website, the Nepali skies in December are as clear as Swarovski crystals.

I'm sure bakla ang may-ari nitez.

Update: Napadaan ako sa entrance ng Thamel at nakakita ako ng mga mapa. Pumasok ako sa Thamel at napakabilis ng internet. Sinusulat ko to habang gamit ang PC ng isang kaibigan sa labas ng Thamel. Mabagal kaya inabot ng 30mins para makapaglog-on. Minamadali ko na kasi in 15mins daw ay mawawalan na ng kuryente. In Nepali terms, that means 2 minutes. Me sariling mundo marahil ang Thamel. Gudbay!

Kristo

2007-12-02T10:36:00.000+08:00

Hindi ako relihiyoso pero ang kristong alam ko hindi nakatira sa magagarbong simbahang kailangan pang pigain mula sa mga nananampalataya ang pagpapaganda. Hindi rin ako naniniwala sa kristong ginawang compulsory fashion ang panyo, payong at iba pang mga bagay-bagay na ibinebenta tuwing may pagsamba. Lalong hindi ako naniniwala sa kristong hindi makikialam sa pulitika.

Ito ang kristong pinaniniwalaan ko:

May artista kayang pwedeng gumawa naman ng obrang kasama nya ang mga bayot sa parlor, sa palengke at sa farm?